it’s pretty easy to fall into destructive habits on social media.
before “snap” and “ig“,
if we weren’t in someone’s life any longer,
we truly didn’t know what was happening with them.
it isn’t until we run into them in the supermarket,
or get word of their death,
is when we’ll get an update.
it’s easy to become a lowkey stalker these days.
for the last week,
that has been me.

I found the first wolf that was my first crush

my first “work wolf”,
sans a working environment.
the one who literally opened the door to alla this.
we all have that one.
i fucked up…

Continue reading “i found my first “work wolf” crush and i can’t stop stalking his social media” →

i’ve had the privilege of meeting some of the wolves,
and some surprise foxes,
that i’ve written about.
this is when i was heavy in the industry.
most were cool af.
back in the day,
i wrote about ^that scorpio wolf and my crush on him.
at the time,
he lived in atlanta.
og foxholer,
vain,
gave me a small f-bi rundown on him.
well ain’t it funny…
Continue reading “When A Crush Cums Back To My Foxhole” →

so it happened.
i took the advice of some of my readers.
i decided to lay all my feelings for work wolf on the table.
well…
not exactly.
i made a confession to him tonight.
just hit the break and lets get into it…
Continue reading “The Unofficial Confession To Confessing My Feelings To My Crush” →

FOXMAIL

Aye J, I’s in trouble again:

I’M FEELING MY GOTDAMN BOSS.

So, in September of last year, we got a new guy as our manager:

-32 (I’m 25)
-6’2″
-Spaniard/Portuguese
-Husky
-Short haired & scruffy
-Very much rock band member-esque

..basically NOT MY TYPE at all. LMAO. I like flavored men. I see myself with a flavored man. Yeah. Flavored.

He’s gay, but masculine, sweet, corny (in an adorable way) and loves music (as I do). I really didn’t think much of him at the beginning, probably because in the physical sense, I wasn’t drawn to him. But as you know, its quite easy to fall for someone even if they don’t tickle your fancy in the looks department, especially if you’re a hopeless ass romantic like me. And that’s exactly what I’ve foolishly done: Fell for him. DAMMIT! What have I fucking done?! It’s to the point now that I see something in his physical now too… like a tall teddy bear. (Shit, I’m getting all warm and fuzzy as I type this! LORD.) This would be easy if he wasn’t the boss of me, but he is. Interoffice affairs are a no-no… and he’s even expressed how much he dislikes them. (He said he experienced it once.) His actions say so much of the opposite though; flirts like a MOTHERFUCKER, longingly stares at me (I can feel him staring from across the room!), makes sly remarks about how I need a white guy in my life since I’ve never dated one (I respond accordingly… he’s never been with a black guy) and the energy between the both of us is a bit telltale. On the flipside, he’ll say things about how he doesn’t believe in love because he’s scared of falling in love again and shit, but he ain’t foolin’ this nigga. He’s a mushy, romantic dude who’s (basically) damaged goods.

I know I can romanticize things, but am I in this situation? I’m at a loss… I have no clue what I’m supposed to do here. Do I deny this “crush” or fall back a bit and see where this may go? I feel dumb for texting him at times, thinking I’m foolish for believing in this, but I do.

J, what is my next move?

MY ANSWER…
Continue reading “f0xmail: I Want My Boss… and I Don’t Know What To Do. Help!” →

i went shopping and was to taken to dinner tonight.
by who you may ask?
well in a twist i didn’t see coming:
the wolf i had a crush on at work.
yeah…
Continue reading “Shopping and Dinner (Situation for 2)” →

“i wait for you to come online.
to tweet.
post a picture.
to say something.
anything.
i watch from afar,
but i feel like i know you.
i think about you all the time.
you actually make me so hot.
you know how many times i imagined you eatin’ me?
fuckin’ me?
more times that i can count.
i don’t even know you,
but i like you.
i just know your name.
nothing else…”

being online has given us the opportunity to crush a lot harder.
i know it has for me.
instead of seeing this wolf on the street,
and holding onto the mental snap shot,
i can now head to his instagram and screen shot his image.
he doesn’t even have to fuck my brains out.
i can look at his shirtless pictures and use my imagination.
the thing is that these images of the wolves i want,
we want,
are allowing us to live vicariously through a fantasy.
this new age of being legal stalkers is easier than having the person 4real.
ya know…
Continue reading “MCM (Let Me Watch U)” →