we didn’t speak when we walked into my apartment.
there was nothing to say really.
this has been a build up since we first laid eyes on each other.
“i’m not hungry.” i said, while we were at dinner.
“why not?” he said, a look of disappointment on his face.
“i don’t want to eat anything because we are gonna fuck tonight.”
his eyes lit up.
“i’ve waited a long time for you.
i want to fuck.”
that’s when he knew i wasn’t playing any games and quickly asked for the check…
the person we think he is might be better when we jack off.
the fantasy is always better than the reality with a majority of these males.
i think this is where most of us get caught up
we see them in person or in public,
they go to our schools or work at our jobs,
and they look really fuckin’ good.
they start working out and you start seeing them in a new light.
we daydream because of how they look that they’ll…
it’s pretty easy to fall into destructive habits on social media.
before “snap” and “ig“,
if we weren’t in someone’s life any longer,
we truly didn’t know what was happening with them.
it isn’t until we run into them in the supermarket,
or get word of their death,
is when we’ll get an update.
it’s easy to become a lowkey stalker these days.
for the last week,
that has been me.
I found the first wolf that was my first crush
my first “work wolf”,
sans a working environment.
the one who literally opened the door to alla this.
we all have that one.
i fucked up…
i’ve had the privilege of meeting some of the wolves,
and some surprise foxes,
that i’ve written about.
this is when i was heavy in the industry.
most were cool af.
back in the day,
i wrote about ^that scorpio wolf and my crush on him.
at the time,
he lived in atlanta.
gave me a small f-bi rundown on him.
well ain’t it funny…
Continue reading “When A Crush Cums Back To My Foxhole”
so it happened.
i took the advice of some of my readers.
i decided to lay all my feelings for work wolf on the table.
i made a confession to him tonight.
just hit the break and lets get into it…
Continue reading “The Unofficial Confession To Confessing My Feelings To My Crush”
Aye J, I’s in trouble again:
I’M FEELING MY GOTDAMN BOSS.
So, in September of last year, we got a new guy as our manager:
-32 (I’m 25)
-Short haired & scruffy
-Very much rock band member-esque
..basically NOT MY TYPE at all. LMAO. I like flavored men. I see myself with a flavored man. Yeah. Flavored.
He’s gay, but masculine, sweet, corny (in an adorable way) and loves music (as I do). I really didn’t think much of him at the beginning, probably because in the physical sense, I wasn’t drawn to him. But as you know, its quite easy to fall for someone even if they don’t tickle your fancy in the looks department, especially if you’re a hopeless ass romantic like me. And that’s exactly what I’ve foolishly done: Fell for him. DAMMIT! What have I fucking done?! It’s to the point now that I see something in his physical now too… like a tall teddy bear. (Shit, I’m getting all warm and fuzzy as I type this! LORD.) This would be easy if he wasn’t the boss of me, but he is. Interoffice affairs are a no-no… and he’s even expressed how much he dislikes them. (He said he experienced it once.) His actions say so much of the opposite though; flirts like a MOTHERFUCKER, longingly stares at me (I can feel him staring from across the room!), makes sly remarks about how I need a white guy in my life since I’ve never dated one (I respond accordingly… he’s never been with a black guy) and the energy between the both of us is a bit telltale. On the flipside, he’ll say things about how he doesn’t believe in love because he’s scared of falling in love again and shit, but he ain’t foolin’ this nigga. He’s a mushy, romantic dude who’s (basically) damaged goods.
I know I can romanticize things, but am I in this situation? I’m at a loss… I have no clue what I’m supposed to do here. Do I deny this “crush” or fall back a bit and see where this may go? I feel dumb for texting him at times, thinking I’m foolish for believing in this, but I do.
J, what is my next move?