just because you might f*ck me good that doesn’t mean you’d make a good boyfriend

i know you want to fuck me,
and i definitely want you to,
but i asked myself yesterday…

Would you make a good boyfriend?

hell,
even a friend?
your actions contradict my fantasies.
that was the thought i woke up with on my spirit today…

What do I like about all the dudes I’ve been interested in?

honestly,
it was all physical.
i thought about the way they treated others,
and how they treated me,
and i realized i wasn’t a special snowflake.
while i do think they took a liking to me more than their options,
it was still not enough.
they were the issues tbh.
in the moment of “sexual tension“,
my body yearned to cum 1,000 times,
but i’m starting to realize i don’t even think that would be the case.

Their communication sucked

you can’t fuck around with someone whose communication is terrible.
silent treatment and responses are a sign of trauma.
ghosting anyone is a sign of immaturity.
so what if i dated them and we had an issue?
do i have to expect to be ghosted until they wanna talk?
you blow up their phone for answers and they talmbout you actin’ crazy.


nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
nah nah nah.
even on a platonic level that behavior still gets a “wtf?“.
no one has time to stay on time out so you can be in control.
that shit won’t work and it’s really fucked up.

so when i fantasized about the sex being bomb,
i might not have gotten that good dick i was expecting either.
good sex requires communication between two people.
getting a nut off is a “whatever” with a random.
you don’t care about the random.
in that moment,
you’re both playing a game of “who will cum faster“.
you can be as selfish as you want during a one and done.
usually if you’re dating a selfish person,
that can lead to the bedroom.
i can expect:

Me sucking dick until my jaws lock
Me getting pounded with no mercy

even if the sex is amazing,
some know their sex is good and use that as leverage.
it’s all about control and if someone lacks it in areas of their lives,
they will use it on you because you’ve allowed it.
they can’t control their jobs or how they are viewed by others,
but they can control you because that gives them power.
when you’re fuckin’ around with a dude who is gay/bi but seeks control,
you can expect to only hear from him when he wants to get laid.
it can get so bad that you get anxiety for little shit.

Can I even text to say hi?
Can I send them a meme I thought was funny?
Can I hit them up even though I’ve been on ignore for weeks?

i thought to myself that most of these dudes turned me on physically,
but they didn’t do anything to stimulate me mentally.
was i attracted to his body parts or him as a whole?
was it the chase that turned me on or did i see something different?
it was the curiosity and mystery that made it exciting.
i got wrapped up in image and fantasy rather than reality.
they probably could have been good wolves,
but they never gave me the opportunity to find out.
i can’t get mad if they’re better suited for someone else.

lowkey: i’m not saying we need to release a press release we are fuckin’ around,
but a majority of these dudes were too guarded for their own good.
i can’t deal with a control freak.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “just because you might f*ck me good that doesn’t mean you’d make a good boyfriend

  1. I reconnected with someone I used to talk to pre-pandemic and I can’t tell if he’s feeling his own mortality or what but he has been everything positive you mentioned. I don’t blow him up though.I gave up on double texting. The last time I did that, the guy said what took me so long? So you ignored my text…and had the nerve to want a second one?

    There’s even this guy who is posting subs about me on social media. I texted him last. (He outright told me I’m who he wants to end up with, but wants to hoe. He even said he doesn’t want me with anyone and flirts with everyone I talk to, to cockblock. He told me everytime he posts, to assume he wants my attention) He’s SO immature. Dudes want to treat you like a toy. Play when they’re bored and ignore you otherwise. All of that BS about maybe he’s busy, the phone works 2 ways..it’s a pandemic. He’s NOT that busy.

    Even if not, if a guy misses hearing from you,HE will make it known. He’ll wonder why he hasn’t heard from you and say so.

    And now if they pop up, I resend the last text I sent. No worse pet peeve thsn ignoring a text that requires a reply. You WILL answer me.

    But now, I just change my number. They don’t explain when they ignore you for 2 weeks but moved into someone’s comments with heart eye emojis. If you ignore me, keep that energy. How will you ignore me when you ‘get around to me’ and it’s not my #?

    1. ^when i was being chased,
      i realized my judgment was clouded.
      dude was sexy,
      showed me signs he wanted me,
      and i returned the favor.
      somehow they start to realize this and it stops being 50/50 and becomes 80/20.

      when you have time to really sit and think,
      that shit isn’t sexy at all.
      like,
      you expect me to ride and suck on you with that behavior.
      NAH HOMIE.
      the problem is others have allowed that behavior.
      their options are okay getting scraps and being good.

      when i was talking to the nfl baller wolf,
      i could text him and he would respond.
      hell,
      i can hit him up now and he’d respond.
      THAT IS THE SHIT I’M TALMBOUT.
      that is sexy to me.
      communication turns me on.
      if you not making me feel pretty,
      you can go.
      period.

      1. showed me signs he wanted me,
        and i returned the favor.
        somehow they start to realize this and it stops being 50/50 and becomes 80/20.

        Take it as a compliment. He saw you. Thought you were hard to get. You gave him some attention. He started feeling himself and now that he thinks you’re all in, doesn’t have to bother and you’ll be on his D.

        The thing is when a man knows you’re husband material, he doesn’t want to put in the work because he knows he’d have to, to keep you. They put effort into their hoes. Their reliable thots. That’s why they check in every now and then, to keep their options open for when they do want to settle down. The problem is they may never want to settle down. Or men have a thing about not wanting to marry a good person then wifing up trash in 2 seconds and complaining about the relationship. That’s drama, dysfunction and attention-seeking. Want to have sympathy and constant drama to feel alive.

        Guys who are into you, it’s not a question of if they like you, but what you’re doing together, post-pandemic. Do. Not. Settle. And don’t respond after 9. He’ll think you’re on demon time. Make him hit you first thing in the morning. In waking hours. Learn how he is in public. Public affection. How he feels being seen with a man at a restaurant if his friends come up to you. These are things to discuss. The “I’m lowkey” guys are indirectly saying they don’t want to be seen in public with you. Pay attention. Often we KNOW, but we tell ourselves we’re assuming. Instinct is picking up on something subconcious and is worth paying attention to.

  2. Every time I talk to someone I’m the one who puts an effort. They won’t even dialogue, they just reply and won’t develop the conversation. Others will block just because you didn’t send nudes or have a difference of opinion on a topic.

    Back in the day I used to comply because I thought they could potentially invest in me to something deeper and meanful, but now I see the hypocrisy, lies, deceits, and fallacies.

    At the end of the day (some of) these men are either emotionally illiterate or don’t give a fuck because they have options. I used to stress about this, but not much nowadays because I know my worth, my priorities, and I’m young.

    This is why you also get thight as you age because you’re not superficial as this impressionable society.

    I’m not saying all men are bad, but being present and loyal is a must and is lacking.

    Also there’s more than sex.
    I’m fine just kissing for like 45m – an hour, for example.
    It’s almost like people are out of touch to the simple things, IDK.

    1. If you’re talking about apps, I’ve found luck with guys who have “Long” profiles. If that’s overwhelming and you don’t want to read all of it, then you can’t complain about one word replies.

      We say we want someone responsive and consistent, but then he “texts too much and I don’t really like texting”. So pick up the phone and call. “I don’t like being on the phone”. People have to compromise somewhere. Nothing is more unattractive to me than “ask me”. If you couldn’t be bothered to put a few words I’m supposed to pull teeth keeping a conversation going? I have nothing to go off of, or what to even talk about!

      1. Mmm! That’s what I’m saying!

        This is why I decided to abstain from them apps for awhile.

        I actually made a friend out of this and it has been a respectful, entertaining 4 year friendship.

        I’m grateful for him and we support each other.
        He’s a lovely brother.

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