i know you want to fuck me,
and i definitely want you to,
but i asked myself yesterday…
Would you make a good boyfriend?
even a friend?
your actions contradict my fantasies.
that was the thought i woke up with on my spirit today…
What do I like about all the dudes I’ve been interested in?
it was all physical.
i thought about the way they treated others,
and how they treated me,
and i realized i wasn’t a special snowflake.
while i do think they took a liking to me more than their options,
it was still not enough.
they were the issues tbh.
in the moment of “sexual tension“,
my body yearned to cum 1,000 times,
but i’m starting to realize i don’t even think that would be the case.
Their communication sucked
you can’t fuck around with someone whose communication is terrible.
silent treatment and responses are a sign of trauma.
ghosting anyone is a sign of immaturity.
so what if i dated them and we had an issue?
do i have to expect to be ghosted until they wanna talk?
you blow up their phone for answers and they talmbout you actin’ crazy.
nah nah nah.
even on a platonic level that behavior still gets a “wtf?“.
no one has time to stay on time out so you can be in control.
that shit won’t work and it’s really fucked up.
so when i fantasized about the sex being bomb,
i might not have gotten that good dick i was expecting either.
good sex requires communication between two people.
getting a nut off is a “whatever” with a random.
you don’t care about the random.
in that moment,
you’re both playing a game of “who will cum faster“.
you can be as selfish as you want during a one and done.
usually if you’re dating a selfish person,
that can lead to the bedroom.
i can expect:
Me sucking dick until my jaws lock
Me getting pounded with no mercy
even if the sex is amazing,
some know their sex is good and use that as leverage.
it’s all about control and if someone lacks it in areas of their lives,
they will use it on you because you’ve allowed it.
they can’t control their jobs or how they are viewed by others,
but they can control you because that gives them power.
when you’re fuckin’ around with a dude who is gay/bi but seeks control,
you can expect to only hear from him when he wants to get laid.
it can get so bad that you get anxiety for little shit.
Can I even text to say hi?
Can I send them a meme I thought was funny?
Can I hit them up even though I’ve been on ignore for weeks?
i thought to myself that most of these dudes turned me on physically,
but they didn’t do anything to stimulate me mentally.
was i attracted to his body parts or him as a whole?
was it the chase that turned me on or did i see something different?
it was the curiosity and mystery that made it exciting.
i got wrapped up in image and fantasy rather than reality.
they probably could have been good wolves,
but they never gave me the opportunity to find out.
i can’t get mad if they’re better suited for someone else.
lowkey: i’m not saying we need to release a press release we are fuckin’ around,
but a majority of these dudes were too guarded for their own good.
i can’t deal with a control freak.