it’s pretty easy to fall into destructive habits on social media.
before “snap” and “ig“,
if we weren’t in someone’s life any longer,
we truly didn’t know what was happening with them.
it isn’t until we run into them in the supermarket,
or get word of their death,
is when we’ll get an update.
it’s easy to become a lowkey stalker these days.
for the last week,
that has been me.
I found the first wolf that was my first crush
my first “work wolf”,
sans a working environment.
the one who literally opened the door to alla this.
we all have that one.
i fucked up…
one thing i realized too:
All of the wolves that I’ve fallen for look like a variation of him
the common theme is they all have his facial structure.
we met as teenagers,
but the things he did me question my sexuality.
i was completely clueless at first,
as he identified as straight,
but it wasn’t until someone i was close to pointed out the things he did to me.
“He likes you Jamari.”
…and then i started noticing other shit he did to me when no one was looking.
welcome to being trapped in this mind fuck of of “signs” and “clues“.
not only that…
He was sexy af
he was the “most handsome-est” of all the wolves i’ve ever crushed on.
all the vixens loved him when we were younger.
he’d walk in a room and you’d literally hear the elastic on panties pop.
he went through so many vixens.
no one really stuck tho.
one thing about him is he always looked sad.
I’m attracted to conflicted souls and they’re attracted to me
his eyes always looked like he had so much going on in his mind.
aside from his looks,
i found that so attractive.
i wanted to save him and myself.
i found him through a mutual friend.
he commented on their picture and i ended up going to his ig.
he looks even better and seems to be living a damn good life.
he has a few work out videos and i nearly lost it.
his eyes still tell me a story tho.
i won’t lie…
Seeing him again made me so sad,
but I can’t stop looking at his pics
i must be addicted to pain or something.
i doubt we will ever connect again.
we are strangers only connected through a friend list.
i’m trying to stop looking his updates,
but it ain’t easy.
it’s hard to let go of the first “work wolf” that opened your sexuality.
lowkey: i’m making an effort to cut him outta my social media diet.