My Off Switch is Located Under My Fox Tail

tumblr_m425mvmxpo1rqee86o1_500i need to learn to shut off my emotions…

i guess thats what life and my fuck ups have been telling me.
i care entirely too much.
once that happens,
it leads to OD amounts of over thinking and self blaming.
after that happens,
i’m left burnt out and in need of ice cream.
well not really…
the crazy part is the issue ends up not even being that serious.
the movie in my head tho…
the one where i end up feeling like i’m a fool
that one is the problem.
i’m learning that life is better when stop giving a fuck.
even when i’m out of fucks,
i still find one hidden somewhere to use.
i guess i just don’t know how.
like i told a foxholer i talk to in emails:

my parents did a number on me

its not that i’m a bad fox.
i’d like to think i’m a damn good person.
my resume of friendships proves that.
its the other things i care about…
the things that don’t matter….
the people who don’t care about me….
its that shit that makes me feel like i lose every time.
sometimes its good to care,
as it means i’m not totally cold,
but i’d rather learn to not give my attention to certain things.
when i say someone is a “(he)bitch”,
thats what i mean.
someone who doesn’t give a fuck about anything outside their circle.
i want to be that person.
i often ask myself if i really can be?
they say you can’t fully change your thought process.
over the years,
you developed behavior that is now part of “you”.
your parents assisted in molding you into this person.
then you go to school,
meet some fucked up people,
and they add to your experiences.
you get out into the real world and BAM!

“this is me in all my glory!
lovvvveee me bitches!”

not realizing that YOU are a complete mess.
how do you change into being a better person?
and what is a better person anyway?
is it someone people like?
or is it someone YOU like?
finding a good therapist is like a game of “where’s waldo”,
church gives you a temporary high until lunch,
and pep talks from your friends only makes you feel good until the next situation.
so what do you do?
how do you fix your issues and keep the switches off?

giphyi had to wonder…

Can you really change the things you don’t like about yourself?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

15 thoughts on “My Off Switch is Located Under My Fox Tail”

  1. I used to be that person, and in many respects I still am, but Ive gone to the dark side of being vocal, and now I’m known for it. You have to kind of live your life honestly in your words and your actions. that might sound obvious but my meaning is a bit deeper than that. If you don’t like something. Say it. Be forward, honest and yet respectful about what’s on your mind and you will see the fucks just float away.

    You have to think to yourself: Why exactly do I care if this person is mad at me? WHo are they to me? and since when do they have all that control? is this feeling mutual or am I a slave to basically kissing their asses? Who ARE these people that I’m worried about upsetting?

    When you realize that 100% of the people you are worried about are (at the end of the day) just people, and nothing special, then you will forget what a fuck is. This includes friends and family.

    Dont get me wrong, I still bite my tongue sometimes because I dont want to upset people, but I pick my battles, and the ones I pick, I make sure they know that they aren’t winning against me, because its important to me and I deserve at least that much respect from them.

    Again, its perspective. Focus your perspective and you’ll see this from a whole different light. Your focus is on others and not on yourself, but its shifting I think, so that’s good. It takes time and a little practice.

    1. ^i was talking to mi about the whole “work wolf” thing and she made me feel bad for being honest.
      she said I should have kept those things secret.
      my gut told me to say it
      what’s the point of being secretive and waiting for what?

      i like your way of life d.
      Why does it seem so hard?
      like im having a hard time trying to transition into that person you described.

      1. It seems hard because you’re in the trenches of reshaping yourself. You seem to be in some process of growth atm. I would say it took me all of high school and a little bit of university to really get it, so it took me quite a few years, and then in my first year it donned on me.

        I was surrounding myself with people that I didnt even like, and that didnt like me, and I was being nice to them. That destroyed my pride. Luckily I took it back and shut that down as soon as I realized that I had nothing to lose.

        I never turned back since.

        Well in my opinion, saying what you said to Work Wolf was risky, but not a bad thing to do. I think it was a risky chess move but it paid off and you’re still winning.
        He’s still here ain’t he? So it worked out! Don;t worry about the stability of your friendship with him, he’s said you;ve got nothing to worry about, so its on you to trust him.

        I would trust him, stop worrying about him “leaving you” and just enjoy it while he IS here!
        You have to get in the mind set of: “if he ‘leaves’, so what? I still got me”

        If you eliminate that element of fear, you really will have nothing to worry about. How do you do that? It starts with self-assuredness!

  2. I could literally feel your sadness while reading this, I hope you’re getting through this rough time. I don’t think you could become a no fucks to give kind of person, your spirit won’t allow it. No one ever seems to talk about how hard is it to be a nice compassionate person finishing in last place while the bitchy trifling people seem to be coming in first. Sigh

    P.S. Let it flow by Toni Braxton came on the radio and I thought about your situation, I feel like the words she was singing are some you can relate to.

    1. ^i love that song.
      that song fits my exact situation.
      another album I was listening to today was vivian green’s first album.
      it felt like every word described this season im in.

  3. Hmmm. I believe you can change aspects of yourself you do not like, and no I am not talking about physical characteristics either. It’s that mental shit, and it starts with the mindset and getting rid of those negative thoughts, which will definitely prevent overthinking and worrying from even happening.

  4. Yes, I believe that you can change the things about you that you don’t like. I think that a person has to do some self evaluation, some self assessments, and realize who they really are. In other words, look at the man in the mirror. If you can’t see yourself for who you really are, it’s going to be difficult to understand why people view you the way that they view you. Go to the gym, change your diet, drink more water, read more books, go to church, pray, and then you’ll begin to see who you really are and see the things that you may want to change. Hell, after doing all of those things, you probably will be changed. #takingmyownadvice

  5. I’m the same way! Being a caring person is a great trait to have but can be detrimental to my well being. When u start to figure it out please let me know! I’ve tried a few things but they only worked temporarily.

    Right now I’ve been stuck riding this emotional roller coaster, it stops on its own and moves without a warning!

    You are definitely not the only one.
    Keep your head up Jamari!

  6. Truth and Love. When my life starts veering off track from being consumed with what other people’s perceptions are… I get right back to my own truth and look to the love in my heart to lead the way… Perhaps it’s a combination of Jamari’s compassion and Dignified’s honesty 😉
    Love you dudes.

    1. Yup! You’re right! It’s a bit of a balancing act. You still want to stay true to who you are. Its good to care, but its also good when to know when to just let it be. In certain situations you just have to choose. You can still be a nice and kind person and demand respect when you deserve it!

      Loved what you had to say jonny!

      1. TY Dignified. That means a lot coming from you. This is a special place with special people…I’m just blessed it exists.

  7. Not church gives you a temporary high until lunch lol now that’s why church folk recommend you be there everyday! I was so weak on that statement. But, you made some valid points:
    -What is a good person?
    -How do you know when to turn off your emotions?

    I suffer the same epidemic, Jamari. But, I’m learning how to give no f***s – I may not get another chance and I’m sick of regretting what I didn’t do. I won’t know unless I DO. This seasoned vixen approached me yesterday and spit all types of game to me. I was flattered but I had to let her in on my interest, but her response to me was “it’s cool, but at least I did it.” That statement was so powerful I ended up giving her my number.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

%d bloggers like this: