Hey Jamari!

Well its funny how we met. I went to a careers fair for ethnic minorities and he was one of the representatives for his bank. He’s very good looking but i didn’t think much of it cos i was there to get pointers and make movements as regards getting into the industry. Anyway we happened to speak cos i was interested in working at his bank. He took my cv and gave me his card (as did many other reps) and said he would send me a follow up email. (I must say at this point though that it is ALWAYS in the eyes, so pay attention. I’m not saying go about looking for clues but if you feel threes something there, 85% of the time there is)

Anyway he emails me and invites me for another fair his company organized. I went for it and met another colleague of mine who offered me a 2 week (unpaid)internship with the option to extend and i was over the moon. There still was no sexual heat btw me and my man but he became a mentor of sorts.

Anyway, after about 6 months i went to my cousins wedding and the reception was at a hotel in the country. I went to the balcony for a cigarette and there he was. It was weird seeing him in a social setting but very nice too. We talked for a while and he said he was at a training and they put them up in the hotel and asked me to come round to try some 65% jamaican rum he’d just got from a friend.

I went to his room later on that evening, we talked and chilled and laughed like old friends and i was about to go when this man grabs me and kisses me. It was very strange but i let it happen. The chemistry was just right. We didn’t have sex on the first night though. Fastforward 3 weeks later and he asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes.

Now to the cheat sheet

A few things i notice happened differently from my other (failed) encounters

1. I stopped chasing after and settling for one night links. I made a mental note to stop selling myself short and wouldn’t do anything with anyone just for the sake of a nut. I was over it. Mentally I was completely and totally over the fuckery.

2. I started going to the gym and doing things i enjoyed. I learnt the guitar, started working on building a career in my industry and just tried to live as honestly and freely as i could.

3. I didn’t try to make a move on this man! Don’t get me wrong, i would look fly at every given opportunity but it wasn’t for his benefit! PS: an air of mystery is always very seductive

4. I didn’t bang him on our first encounter. This is soooo important guys! Straight people can do it and still have long lasting relationships (albeit rarely) but it doesn’t work with us. Especially with hot wolves. This is because they can get it so easily anyway. You gotta set urself apart!

5. Honest communication from the start. Men lie too much! These lies always make for short lived relationships. We were upfront about what we wanted from the first night he kissed me. And as luck would have it we were on the same page.
Wolves, don’t be afraid to say you’re not feeling a fox. Don’t be afraid to say you don’t want a relationship. It helps us put things in perspective and make an informed decision.
Foxes, the fact that he doesn’t want you dosn’t mean you’re unloveable! Don’t waste ur time loving/lusting after/desiring/obsessing over people who don’t want u and can hurt u! If you want a fuck, say it! if you want a relationship, say it! if you’re not sure, say it! Be as clear and consistent (blowing hot and cold is also a no-no) as possible as regards what you want every step of the way.

6. As much as we want a really really hot wolf, thats not what really matters, as cliche as it sounds. Looks will fade, even if they don’t, you will get used to them and won’t even notice anymore. And even really hot wolves will annoy you, they’re human beings too! Im not saying lower your standards but be open-minded. Make sure you don’t mix your pre-requisites with your preferences. Thats very important. Make a list of your preferences and prerequisites and stick to them(or adjust them as you go along).

7. Give it time. Be patient. And open. A lot of people say they want a man but if you examine yourself, are you ready for a relationship? its hard work. Are you ready to make the required sacrifices? Are you ready to put up with the unique idiosyncrasies of another human being? The truth is a lot of us aren’t. Without sounding like something out of ‘the secret’ you usually get what u desire but it has to be precluded by a clear and distinct vision, backed up with will and effort.

Im so sorry i’ve gone on a long rant J, I just really want all of us to WIN, but like my girl Lauryn said- ‘How u gonna win when you ain’t right within?”

Big love boys x x

ty is so right.
this even applies to life,
as well as wolves.
i guess god sent me my message.

now i have to receive it and keep the faith.
the hard part.

thank you ty and many blessings to you!

how about a restart of the mental hard drives for 2013?