It’s A Lonely Road Out The Landfill

have you ever looked at others and wonder why they get all the love?

you are just as smart,
talented,
and good looking,
but you get treated like the back of someone’s shoe.
you start to realize just how fake some folks were to you.
it’s like,
when you in their zone,
they have no choice than to smile in your face.
they co sign how everyone is wack.
they claim they got your back,
but once you not there anymore,
it’s like:

Who you?

…but they showing others all this love.
this is how i been feeling.
as of late…

…i have been feeling like an outcast.
i’ll look on some of my old co worker’s pages and i’ll see all this love.
ones who aren’t working there anymore.
those same pineapples don’t give a fuck about me.
they were the main ones spreading rumors.
well fuck ittttttttt!
just tell everyone jamari got fired rather than tell the truth.

it really fuckin’ sucks.

i feel alone.
it’s like i don’t know how to shake that feeling.
i got caught up in this trap of comparing myself to others.
the worst one to be in.
i been feeling like a nobody compared to others i been around.
that has always been my life.
from school to work,
i been that someone who gets “tossed to the side”.
yet,
those same ones were up deep in my ass when i was in their face.

the crazy part?

as life goes on,
those same pineapples want to come back and apologize.
they actually admit they were wrong for treating me like shit.
i had one the other day throw up memorials of shit we “use to do”.
i remember i was always there for this muthafucka!
ALWAYS.
this same pineapple chose pussy over me.
that same pussy went and fucked his best friend.
i was the loyal one tho.
i’m always the loyal one.

it hurt like hell back then,
as i’m feeling right now,
but eventually i moved on and did my own thing.
i picked up the pieces and crazy glued it all back together.
when they came back,
i wasn’t interested in them anymore.
i hate that i’m never the one that is taken seriously until it’s too late.
yeah,
until:

the money gets funny
the ones you chose over me turn on them
the pussy/dick/tail was the wrong choice

they need me for another season

it’s that “in-between blessings” that sucks.
you see everyone else doing well and you in some quicksand.
everything and everyone is enhanced by 200.
all you can do is say:

“damn,
it’s like that?
i see you.”

i gave those hyenas and jackals 3 years of my life.
the other was looking like the same wave.
i busted my ass and never had a valid complaint.
the rest didn’t do shit,
but i was there working like a slave.
they broke me down,
tossed me out like i was trash,
and acted i never made an impact.
that doesn’t feel good at all.
i’m legit hurt,
but i’ll be aight.

Has anyone in the foxhole ever felt like this?

i needed to vent.
this is probably doesn’t make any sense,
but i needed to get whatever was off my chest.

lowkey: i pray God makes success my biggest revenge.
all their fake asses they can have each other.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

10 thoughts on “It’s A Lonely Road Out The Landfill

  1. J Fuck em all, act like they dont exist, this journey you have been on would have broke others but you are still standing. I have shared before how someone at a old job tried to disparage my name and it hurt like hell but as time went on, I realize that these same people are still in the same spot and havent done anything and havent grown. You have to take an approach to life like you are already a celebrity and act like a celebrity and not let what people say or think get to you. You know who you are at the end of the day and none of them really know the real you, believe me you will get the last laugh when your break through finally comes. They will all be back begging and pleading to be a part of your life. You have come to far to turn around now, so stop worrying about these Fuk boyz and girlz they are sad miserable beings.

    1. ^if it wasn’t the foxhole,
      i wouldn’t know what i do with myself.

      thank you tajan for the comment.
      i wasn’t gonna post,
      but i can’t keep things bottled up.
      too much times i did that and it left me with dumb anxiety.

  2. Yes. Yes I have.. Unfortunately it kept happening over and over again until I started facing some scary truth that the common denominator was me. I had to start analyzing what I was allowing into my life and accept that things weren’t changing because I’d gotten used to being that person. So willing to give to everyone else to the point that I was sacrificing myself without realizing it. Constantly putting how I was feeling or what I wanted to do aside in order to give and invest completely in everyone else’s goals and visions. Doing all I can to do my best, but I finally learned that I kept trying to do my best in accordance with what I thought everyone else thought was my best. I had to learn, and am still learning, to put myself first. To the point where if I felt off or uncomfortable about someone, or just flat out didn’t like them, I could trust that my gut was correct (and later find out that it was). It’s kinda long-winded to go into all the details, but I’m basically saying this is something I’ve experienced for almost as long as I can remember and I’ve just now found myself able to start practicing myself into only letting quality folks into my life.

    1. ^after reading this,
      i see where i am the problem.
      i don’t put myself first.
      the ones i put first showed me who they were and i allowed it.

      i’m glad i posted this entry.
      thank you dii.

  3. I know what you mean it’s never easy feeling like you were dealing with fake folks the entire time and finding that out later. The best thing you can do is find a way to put yourself first more often. I’ve started telling myself that 2017 is my year of being selfish and I play my selfish playlist that includes piece of mind from Kehlani and work on self.

    1. ^2017 will also be my year to be selfish.

      i already cancelled someone who was using me for advice the other day.
      blowing up my phone and texts because they needed advice on petty shit.

      nah.

  4. Again it’s more difficult for us who give a fuck and wear our heart on our sleeves. I’ve said it before people can sniff out what kind of person you are and how match they can’t get away with. It happens to me all the time. I know it easy for me to say fuck them and forget about it but rather we like it or not we form bonds and routine relationships with our coworkers. It sucks to find out that the entire time it was wasted.

    Just know you’re not alone in any of this.

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