everyone one of us loves attention in some way.
no one wants to feel un-wanted.
when you are in the spotlight,
or that someone you are really feeling is feeling you back,
it can be one of the most exhilarating feelings.
you can do and accomplish anything.
it gives you an extra pep in your step.
sadly when that attention is taken away,
or not returned in a way you want,
it can bring out people’s worst insecurities.
in this new age of taking a snap shot/video of everything,
we can get quick attention at a snap of a finger.
too bad its only fleeting.
we have to constantly seek validation from empty sources.
so even tho we know this…
Why do we still search for attention?
even tho i been chattin’ with work wolf,
i can’t help but feel some kind of way.
i realized it last night after some of the comments.
“this situation is toxic“
que:
wasn’t that her best song tho?
anyway many of you said it.
my spirit is saying it.
my body has been ejecting it.
i get it.
i’m still learning to let go of “fuck shit”.
now its not toxic because i fear he is going to turn on me.
he still has nothing on me than what i wouldn’t mind getting out.
the situation is toxic because i crave the half-hearted attention he gives me.
sad i know.
i revel in when he hits me up.
when i know that this wolf is talkin’ to many vixens right now.
he puts them first.
today for instance.
i’m not a vixen.
i am jamari fox.
i can admit when i’m being a dumb ass.
i’m being a dumb ass right about now.
i can also admit:
this ain’t healthy
as much as i’d love something to pop,
i need to put this one as “friend”.
he likes me as his people.
homeboy.
“pineapple i chat with”.
if anything happens in the future,
i’d be open to it,
but i need to move on to a wolf who is actually gay or bi.
acknowledged gay or bi.
one who aggressively wants to make something happen.
i can understand if this was d/l-ituationship and i was getting dick.
this is empty.
well it feels empty to me.
see thats the issue with attention.
when you aren’t getting good attention:
someone who is extremely interested
vs
someone who is halfway (or not) there
…it can feel like absolute death.
its very lonely and you begin question yourself:
where do you stand?
where do i fit in?
does he even want me?
am i wasting my time?
it can make an attractive person feel they are ugly and worthless.
even with social media.
the things we go through just to have strangers like us…
and we still feel empty trying to keep up.
you don’t want to be at that point in your life.
don’t be me:
the dumb ass
…and lets not act like i’m the only “dumb ass” out here.
lowkey: thank you foxhole for not judging me when i do dumb shit.
you know i do dumb shit.
i’m still learning and growing.
i’ll get it togeher soon.
Glad for this post! Last one had me worried! No one is judging you. For me, a person like that who does that to people in deep personal relationships will screw over anyone, even if ya’ll not fucking or being friends. In the last post you told us now he’s talking to multiple vixens now. The more reveal about this guy just disgust me even more. I get the picture of a physically attractive Stevie J when you tell us of your conversations. You can do better.
Jamari there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes because how would you or any of us learn. I agree with the comments above I do think it’s the loneliness of this lifestyle that has us doing things we usually Wouldn’t do. I do think if you had more attractive options of wolves that were gay or bisexual pounding down your door that work wolf wouldn’t be on your radar like he is. But to be honest how many of us have a little black book of wolves or Fox’s just available for us?
It’s hard we don’t get the endless options like our vixen counterparts do. We have to get a crush on a guy only to be heartbroken when he straight or not even a little bit curious. We have to put up with just taking what comes our way or instead of getting a whole dream person, getting half the dream. I’m just ready for my happiness to hurry up and get here as I’m sure everyone else on here is too.
^mikey i feel embarrassed.
it doesn’t feel good when you think with your heart and soul you may have been right,
and then you present the issue,
and everyone is looking at you like a dumb ass lol
Jamari don’t be embarrassed, everyone who commented gave you good advice. I will be honest with you I’m lonely too so I can relate he knows your sexuality like everybody said. I think he might just be nervous and really don’t know how to approach you since your not a female. He could be waiting for you too invite him over to your place. I will say that it wasn’t cool of him to ignore your text today I think you should pull back a little bit to see what he does. I also think you probably should join a gym to build a better healthier body and you could find your wolf there.
Trust me I’ve been there but there’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re embarrassed. I’m sure that there is a Fox or Wolf reading this now and relating to everything you posted. Shit I did I go through the same problems with my crushes. I have been where you’re at and if I don’t change will be there again unfortunately.
Honestly I’m tired of that “Vixens have it easier. Woe is me.” attitude!
I was at the mall the other day and saw several cliques of attractive men that set my gaydar off. You want to know what they all had in common?
They all looked stuck up, unapproachable, and they just mean mugged every other guy that walked by.
Little do they know me and my friend are both masculine, educated, nice lowkey guys and we’d actually pump each other up to approach dudes and females, but they have to be APPROACHABLE!
How about instead of thinking life is easier for women (which it isn’t), we all work on being better men that are open and interested in men that are AVAILABLE?
JAY… you got me feeling some type of way with this comment. The whole thing. I don’t know how to approach people, I’m too shy and introverted and a bit dorky when I don’t know someone LOL!
I would love a man with your frame of mind. I’m okay with being alone, I’m at my best when I’m alone, I’m so used to it. I’ve never been with anyone because i didnt want to deal with the bs, but I think its time for me to have that experience… I don’t NEED a man to complete me or my life, its just nice to have someone, and actually have that kind of experience for once, idk…
…But yeah, I cosign with what you said, while its very true that we are at a massive disadvantage when it comes to our options, its still up to us to be in control of our destinies.
My problem isn’t the dating pool, its my confidence ( in respects to approaching people, I actually like who I am as a person and what I can bring to the table, its just getting people to KNOW me)
s/n I STILL think Jamari can be friends with dude, but J should be the one in the drivers seat this time, instead of the other way around. Take reigns of the control, and take it for what it is, a friendship. He can be a friend on the side while you’re still looking for your wolf! Work wolf is not YOUR wolf! YOUR wolf is way better and in the same wavelength as you (gay/bi/interested)
Right if they are not approachable. If you look stuck up, you might as well forget it.
Glad you’re able to do some self evaluation J. I’m gonna have to agree with Jay here….from the moment you introduced us to him….you’ve wanted more from him, expected more. Read into signs that are probably NOT there. You’re setting yourself up. Now your texts between each other are “incriminating…” NOAP!
Look, I get it. In this life WE don’t have the luxury to flirt out in the open, or live as authentically as we would like to. So many aspects of our lives can go to HELL if we did. But, someone like him. I’m almost 100% certain he knows you’re gay. People are smarter than we like to give them credit for. If that’s not something you want everyone to know….then that means he already has what he needs to mess with your life.
Don’t let the attention he’s giving you make you blind….because you’re just may end up getting hurt.
Also, I believe you’ve said you’re discreet, but what are your goals?…Do you just wanna fuck dudes? Are you looking for a relationship? The kind of men you pursue should reflect the goals you have for your romantic life…!
Sorry to be so forward 🙂
^i honestly don’t know,
but that question was pretty eye opening.
guess I have more soul searching to do.
either way,
I’ll pull back and get out of crazy.
People have issues with being in a relationship this day and time. I feel that once you have given your all to try and bring something together with someone and there is no effort on their part just drop it!
My last comment was a bit abrasive. All I’m trying to say is there’s no use in demonizing the dude and saying he led you on or speculating about his sexuality (like we always do) when he’s done nothing to indicate he’s into men. Maybe he’s just doing what young, heterosexual men do?
I might be projecting because I find myself irritated with the fact none of the gay/bi dudes I’ve encountered ,except for one, don’t know how to be a friend.
Everything has to lead to sex or a relationship. Some will even pretend to be friends hoping down the line you’ll change your mind. I’m not going to budge, and most likely it won’t be them so their face will be cracked and they’ll say “I led them on.”.
I’m at a point now where casual sex and romantic relationships are not a priority at all. I’ve FINALLY been delivered to a place where I don’t need to have casual sex just to not feel alone.
Anyone that can’t respect that can’t keep it moving. I don’t feel alone anymore even when I am most of the time. I know I’m good company and a good person and someone will come along who can appreciate those qualities.
Just deleted tons of people from my phone and considering changing my number altogether.
THANK YOU!!!!! That was one of the most spot on comments I have read in a long time! Not referring to just the comments posted here, comments posted on everywhere from cnn.com to msnbc.
Jamari, you just have to take the L on this one and let it die.
My perspective is different from most. Some would say he led you on blah blah blah, but honestly you led yourself on.
I see it all the time. Gay/bi men CANNOT just be friends like straight men, unless there’s no attraction on one parties part, they know for a fact they aren’t sexually compatible, or they really have a brother type friendship. It honestly mystifies me and I find it indicative of the dysfunctional relationship of gay/bi men in general.
We always say they’re flirting with us, and sometimes its true, but sometimes things are misinterpreted. If a straight man walks past another straight and they happen to make eye contact neither parties will make anything of it, but if one of the parties is gay its “He’s staring at me. He’s flirting”
Perfect example:
I accidentally came across a male nurse I used to work with overnight online. Of course I clocked him as gay within two seconds of meeting him, but I NEVER overtly or indirectly flirted with him! When we’re talking online he said he never suspected me, except for one random time when I did something and I was “too nice” to him but he let it go. Wtf does that mean? He couldn’t even remember the situation and neither did I. So apparently I did something he interpreted as me flirting with him and since I have a memory of an elephant I know it wasn’t anything intentional on my part.
If I flirt with anyone trust it will be plain as day and there’s an 80% chance I’ll grab a handful of ass.
I said all that to say is there seems to be a pattern of us trying so damn hard to make something out of nothing!
In general, if gay/bi men know they can’t be friends with attractive straight men without getting attached romantically or hoping something will pop off they need to stick to being friends with just gay men and women.
In your case, he probably isn’t even aware he has you in your feelings. I’m sure he knows you’re gay too. I don’t think you can honestly say you don’t know where you stand when it’s clear from everything you’ve written about him thus far.
^actually JAY you are right.
i think I may have went left field.
it’s just I swear I was onto something.
I guess I was wrong.
I don’t know.
Either way this is my fault and I need to fix it.
The original Jay aint nevah lied!!
JAY you are on it bruh. To be honest, I do not understand how a gay man can fall for a straight one? If I know he is truly straight, I’m not even catching feelings. Now if he is suspect, I might investigate, but I will not be taking the slightest signs as hints.
To answer your Britney question Jamari, I enjoyed “Gimme More” and “Circus” more than Toxic…but it had the better video! LOL
^i love how “circus” starts off.
britney has some good music.
I won’t be front on her swagg as a pop star.
my fav cut from her will always be “im a slave 4 u”.
that beat is perfection.
“Circus” is bad! Britney does have good music. Sadly, her star is fading.
Slave 4 U is sick!! That is a hype jam!
Chin up Jamari! Its okay bae!
We all go through this from time to time. I know exactly how you feel. When lonliness sets in, things that are generally toxic seem like sweet sugar to us. I think I’m in a similar mind set.
I don’t think its bad that you’re talking to him, or even interested, or slightly curious, you’re only human man. You shouldnt be punished for having feelings.
Just be careful out here.
He still seems a bit…off, like messy or something, so please just keep that in mind. Remember he basically outed him and Liar Liar’s situationship? Imagine if he turned it on you?
You might ask “why would he want to out himself?”
he doesn’t have to. He could make up a character in place of himself, but one thing’s for sure, he would know for sure you’re gay, and who knows what he could do with that information when he’s feeling sexually frustrated, or if he becomes sanctimonious and decides to be “reborn” or something.
JUST be careful!
Again, I dont think its bad that you’re talking to him, you just gotta play your cards right, and I think you’re doing a good job! Trust you instincts! You know what you’re doing, even if you dont think you do! You got the instincts! All you gotta do is listen!
Dont feel bad! You got this! (Though I know how it feels to feel unwanted… and notice how you described this situation as feeling “empty”… you feel like that for a reason bro.)
^you are absolutely right d.
I want to start pulling back tho.
not being so available when he texts me.
I have to start the process and keep him as friend.
until something happens,
this will go nowhere.
I cannot afford to be waiting for something to happen.
Well said ,the problem is that we in this day and age folk tend to forget that they are only human , as in that we all have certain moments of doing dumb shit that everyone around us can see except us , we are the ones that can see what’s wrong in our friends lives but when we look in the mirror there is no reflection to show us what’s wrong in ours , as bloggers we can’t see what’s wrong with work wolf but we all can see that you deserve better , loneliness always leads to settling , you will read this and debate a little on whether you settling or not …but if you had dozens of wolves barking in your direction would you even give work wolf the time of day ? …the problem with this lifestyle is that we always have to sift thru the garbage to find the right man and that requires a lot of energy and we end up being too lazy to do it or just settling for something toxic cause “it’s better than being without” anyways excuse my long winded comment ….love your blog , visit it everyday all the way from Africa wish you all the best #LoveAndLight
^you hit the nail so hard on the head that I ended up crying.
i needed that tho.
it’s just frustrating how I get wrapped up in these people.
these people who play games and lead me down a path to nowhere.
I just want it to be easier.
and then foxhole has reached Africa?
that is a major blessing.
thank you for reading and supporting me.
i am very appreciative.
Yeah its hard and challenging but no one ever said life was easy, Always remember who you are as an individual and who deserves YOU, a person that comes in your life should promote growth and comfort to be the true you and not cause frustrations and confusions on who they are and their intentions , if you can’t be comfortable around someone then why waste the time and energy ? You life is precious , don’t exhaust it on meaningless moments that you won’t keep as memories , anyways your blog is international , I just don’t know why it’s not getting the hype it deserves ….Think of your blog as Florence Welch, brilliant expression that only a few can appreciate it’s complexities and depth, keep on being who you are and never change for anyone #YearOfTheGoldDigger
^thank you.
I think I’ll take the rest of the night to rest and just focus on what’s important.
this site,
the foxhole,
and my growth.
that comment about my blog not getting the hype it deserves was an eye opener.
either way,
thank you (and everyone else) for appreciating me!
You are 100% right on with this post, but I actually don’t think anything is wrong with you talking to him. Can I ask you a question Jamari. Do you think he is on the DL and he wants you to make the first move? The reason why I asked that is because a lot of straight dudes would of figured your sexuality out by now. Like he would show you a pic of a girl and be like would you smash or something like that to figure your sexuality out.
^ I don’t know what to think Eric,
but you are right.
one minute he is talking about females he is talking too,
and the next he tries to flirt low key.
he also tries to put himself off like the gentleman.
today pissed me off because he barely responded to me.
lol
it took him damn near hours.
I had a feeling he was talking to some chick.
he is confusing me and I don’t like it.
Jamari…you are feeding his ego. Leave him alone, man. This kat sounds like the type that likes to play with people and string them along. I still don’t trust him…and I don’t even know him! I get he feeling he’s trying to play you against the witch.