the above is very interesting.
there is a lot of truth in it…
if you play “the nice guy” role.
i imagine everyone else doesn’t let that phase them.
well i’m not accepting ^that.
so foxholer tony had an amazing idea.
he wanted me to do like a virtual foxhole book club of the book:
“no more mr. nice guy” by robert glover
Originally published as an e-book that became a controversial media phenomenon, No More Mr. Nice Guy! landed its author, a certified marriage and family therapist, on The O’Reilly Factor and the Rush Limbaugh radio show. Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the “Nice Guy Syndrome” trying too hard to please others while neglecting one’s own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It’s no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.
we all read a chapter and then discuss it once i make the entry.
it sounded like a wonderful idea!
i stopped reading it because i was distracted.
this will definitely keep me focused since the foxhole is joining.
so i ended up reading the first chapter today.
at the end of each chapter in this book,
there is an exercise for us to do.
they are called “break free”.
the first one was:
Breaking Free: Activity #1Write down three possible safe people or groups that might be able to provide support for you inyour recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome.If no one comes to mind, get out the telephone directory and look up counselors or support groupsin the phone book. Write down three names and phone numbers and call them when you finishthis chapter. If you are employed by a company with an Employee Assistance Program, this isanother resource. If you know someone who has been to therapy or a support group, ask them forinformation. If you have access to the internet you can search for 12-step groups or supportgroups.
i’ve decided the foxhole will be my support group.
so this is my answer to the “break free: activity 2”…
Breaking Free Activity #2Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself and try to become something different unless there was a significant compelling reason for him to do so? Why do people try to change who they really are?
i believe it’s out of insecurities.
as a “nice guy”,
you don’t want to be judged.
you want to appear perfect and unlike the “rest”.
so what you do?
you try and change yourself to become like everyone else.
you hide the things about yourself that may bring judgment.
no one wants to be judged.
it’s easier to pretend to be someone else,
or hide the things that bother you,
than be exposed and raw to other people.
it all goes back to when we were cubs in school.
even though most of us have graduated,
we are still those same insecure cubs in college and the work place.