so every thursday,
i will discuss our reading material for “foxhole book club” .
as you should know,
the book is “no more mr. nice guy” by robert glover.
so i read the second chapter today on lunch.
the “break free: #3” question was…
Breaking Free Activity #3
It is impossible to cover every factor that might cause a young boy to try to hide his perceived flaws and seek approval from others. I don’t believe it is essential for Nice Guys to uncover every experience that ever made them feel unsafe or bad. But I have found that some understanding of where a life script originated is helpful in changing that script.
Reread the stories of Alan, Jason, and Jose. Think about how these stories are similar to your own childhood experiences. On a separate piece of paper or journal, write down or illustrate the messages you received in your family that seemed to imply that it wasn’t OK for you to be who you were, just as you were. Share these experiences with a safe person. As you do, make note of your feelings. Do you feel sad, angry, lonely, numb? Share this information as well.
The purpose of this assignment is to name, rather than blame. Blaming will keep you stuck. Naming the childhood experiences that led you to believe that it was
not a safe or acceptable thing for you to be just who you were will allow you replace these messages with more accurate ones and help you change your Nice Guy script.
you are my “safe person”.
so the things i dealt with growing up was:
when i showed any emotion that deemed as weak/feminine,
they always said i was being too soft/a girl/sissy.
if i didn’t know something,
as far as school work:
“you should know this; why are you so stupid?”
they would compare me to other cousins who were smarter/more successful at school
i hate math and i would get beat if i didn’t know the answers to questions
i was told that if i turn out to be gay,
don’t even think of living in the house/calling them my family
i was always being asked why i don’t have a girlfriend
my mother was always moody,
so it would switch between being loving to being really nasty
my mother and that cold shoulder of hers
when i use to play with my toys,
i use to talk as the characters and make a show of it.
my father asked me one time if i was crazy talking to myself?
they were both very “christian”,
so they made me feel sex was forbidden or something i’d go to hell for
i always had bad anxiety where i would throw up when i was nervous.
my mother would always make me feel bad because of it.
she would tell me to “man up” and stop acting “like that”.
my father would buy me whatever i wanted.
he was barely around due to work.
they both spoiled me growing up.
when my mother was mad at my father,
she would talk really bad about him.
they would argue and it would get nasty.
sometimes it left me scared they would leave each other for good.
i’m sure there is more.
writing that made me feel sad and lonely.
i felt hurt because all of that has me damaged.
i was basically raised to be insecure.
so that is my answers for chapter 2.
if you read and want to share,
the comment box is all yours to let it all out.
next week thursday,
is chapter 3!
your assignment is due!