i cut my hand open washing a cup earlier.
i must have been washing it too hard or something.
i guess i don’t know my own strength.
see what i did?
all i know is when i saw the blood dripping into the sink,
i just stood there and shook my head.
was i that mad that i broke a cup with my hands?
my day had been a day…
i’m tired of people.
well not all people.
tired of people i feel i should love hurting me.
the ones in my life who are flakes and liars.
sure there are many who think i’m an asshole and i’m glad.
run and tell the other villagers not to cross me.
the ones i consider friends and family tho…
they are the sneaky ones.
you put your trust in them.
they use that against you.
they only understand hurt,
i’m tired of giving my all.
they use me and then leave me.
once they find themselves hurt again,
they come running back.
“jamari is the strong one.”
“jamari gives good advice.”
“jamari is the light of the world and his answers are the key.”
well of course,
i’m there with open arms like a dumb ass.
this is suppose to be “love” right?
i realized today i have no one in this city.
I’m completely alone.
i have many associates,
but i don’t have anyone i really call a “friend” or “family”.
i yearn for that.
the type where i “feel” it.
i don’t think people do “that” anymore.
be real anymore.
i wonder if i was to become “ice”,
how far would i get in life?
if i didn’t give a fuck,
had no feelings,
treated all these hurt people the way they are use to…
would i be popular as hell?
would i be in charge?
would i be respected?