Cut (Do That Scene Over Please)

rain-clouds-enjoy-wateri cut my hand open washing a cup earlier.
i must have been washing it too hard or something.
i guess i don’t know my own strength.
see what i did?
all i know is when i saw the blood dripping into the sink,
i just stood there and shook my head.
“what else?”
was i that mad that i broke a cup with my hands?
my day had been a day…

i’m tired of people.
well not all people.
tired of people i feel i should love hurting me.
the ones in my life who are flakes and liars.
sure there are many who think i’m an asshole and i’m glad.
thrilled even.
run and tell the other villagers not to cross me.
the ones i consider friends and family tho…
they are the sneaky ones.
you put your trust in them.
they use that against you.
they only understand hurt,
pain,
bitterness,
and bullshit.
i’m tired of giving my all.
being loyal.
they use me and then leave me.
once they find themselves hurt again,
they come running back.
“jamari is the strong one.”
“jamari gives good advice.”
“jamari is the light of the world and his answers are the key.”
fuck youuuuuu.

miguel ko gifwell of course,
i’m there with open arms like a dumb ass.
this is suppose to be “love” right?
i realized today i have no one in this city.
I’m completely alone.
i have many associates,
but i don’t have anyone i really call a “friend” or “family”.
i yearn for that.
the type where i “feel” it.
i don’t think people do “that” anymore.
be real anymore.
be human.

blogger-image-860506344i wonder if i was to become “ice”,
how far would i get in life?
if i didn’t give a fuck,
had no feelings,
treated all these hurt people the way they are use to…
would i be popular as hell?
would i be in charge?
would i be respected?

hmm.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “Cut (Do That Scene Over Please)

  1. Yea, people respect you when you are mean hateful. When you are nice they walk all over you and treat you any kind of way. SMH. Being nice only works when it comes to business.

  2. I faced the same problem: allowing myself to gravitate towards “hurt people”. Thinking that I could heal them in some way, so they could love me the way they loved, who hurt them.

    It’s okay to feel alone at times I belive. It allows us to think, and reflect. Keep your head up, man.

  3. Never get tired of doing the right thing. Even though it may get stressful and tiresome, you’re going to get your blessing. You honestly can’t be nice to everyone because some people will take advantage of you. However, you only let a person get away with as much as you allow them to. Some people who are deemed “assholes” aren’t really bad people. They are nice people who just decided to put up a wall not to get hurt again. It’s an “I’m gonna hurt you before you hurt me” type of defense mechanism.

  4. Jamari, I feel ya bro, today was a rough one for me as well, had someone tell me some shit that blew me away, and made me question myself, and brought up so much self doubts that I was a wreck. I went and chilled, didnt answer my phone and just tried to get over the hurt, a couple of friends actually stepped in and made me believe that I was everything this person said I wasnt. I realize that some people just want to hurt you and bring you down because of the negativity in their life. Keep ya head up because no you are not alone in this and we are your surrogate family and we are always here for you to talk to 🙂

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