i think i finally learned how to pray and have faith correctly.
it was always:

“God, I need this to happen.”
“God, I hope he wants to be with me.”
“God, Ima need that lottery win STAT.”

it came from a place of lack.
2025 was the year of the pivot for me.
so many things happened that i didn’t see coming.
and because of that,
i had to rearrange my life to suit the sudden changes.

as you know,
or maybe didn’t,
i didn’t think i’d be losing my home.

so for the last day of 2025,
i spent it with myself.
i chose myself because i’d have to learn to chose myself.
i made another decision that i’m not going to ask or beg God for what i need anymore…

look at the power of a lesbian and a gay fox.

when i watched the first episode of the 5th season of “stranger things”,
i won’t even hold you:

1 – i was bored AF
2 – i was lost AF because i didn’t know wtf was going on

sometimes,
they take too long in-between breaks with shows that you up and forget.
thank God for youtube recaps,
amirite?
anyhoo,
after the recap and as i continued on with the season,
it started to get better and more interesting.

the character of will has been through a lot of shit.

as you know,
vecna sought him out because evil was easier to break him.

if you been watching the show since the 4th season,
you know that will has struggled with (and spoilers ahead)…

at this point,
tyler perry is collecting sexual assault allegations like pokémon.

when it comes to tyler perry and the allegations,
my biggest question from the alleged victims always stands:

“why did they go back over to his house when he allegedly did something to make them uncomfortable the first time?”

sometimes,
its the second time which makes it even more weird.
mario rodriguez,
who we have ( x fonted about in Foxhole past ) is the next pokeman.
how wild that we even fonted about when he was in the madea movie too.
anyhoo,
he claims in his lawsuit that via “NY daily news“….

sooooooo…
how are we feeling?

are we upset?
shocked?
confused?
throwing CDs out windows and deleting playlists off streaming?
nicki minaj seems have turned alleged MAGA on us.
she pulled up to a turning point USA rally yesterday and it left many of us speechless.

sidebar: erika kirk is so interesting to me.
her grieving has made her a work horse!

Foxhole,
i can’t font you how to feel.
she was starting to lose me with the endless ranting on x-twitter.
i do feel disappointed and i think this is a really bad idea.
it’s this part of her sit down that really confused me…

i woke up with this on my spirit today.
something urged me to font because someone needed to read it.
maybe it was for me; maybe it’s for you.
this was the download:

“you don’t know”

because tbh…

grief.
i’ve noticed a lot of males don’t sit in their grief.
we were taught to be men!
we don’t feel sad or emotions!
we bottle them up until we explode or make us sick!

we do everything possible to distract ourselves from “feeling”.
one way i see gay males dealing with our grief:

FUCKIN’.

straight males like to act like they are above us,
but its the same shit with them in a different costume.
outside of fuckin’,
it could be other ways like:

buying shit to show we are happy
becoming a gym junkie
being mixxy out in the forests
the “drinkin’ and the druggin'”

…and other numbers of ways,
but i had to wonder…