you aren’t ready for love.
i’m not either.
not the way some of us carrying on.
we have these fantasies of our perfect “potentials and prototypes”.
i post about them ever so often.
he looks like what we want to feel like on the inside.
we think because is so handsome,
and that his bawdy is together,
that he will the key to activating what we are missing inside.
hell a majority of them are worse off mentally and emotionally than us.
well i had a lot of thoughts about it last night.
i had to wonder if i haven’t found a wolf because i’m not ready for one?
lets say i got that crush from my job,
or anyone of the crushes from my past,
and he fucked me completely stupid and never called me again,
would i REALLY be able to handle that?
not where i am right now in life.
have i been looking for someone to love me,
to see the beauty in me,
rather than me learning to truly love myself?
i had to wonder…
Can a “potential” teach you how to love yourself?
you know i can admit my flaws.
i am very hard on myself.
i think i got it from my parents like i have said many times.
star fox tried to teach me how to relax and go with the flow.
i also have this need to be in control at all times.
when i feel i am not in control,
i do not handle it very well.
one of the reason i never really enjoyed smoking weed.
you have to let it control you in order for you to enjoy it.
you will be a paranoid mess hearing phones and shit.
so i get stressed.
i start to shut down as soon as the clouds come.
that leads to all the emotional drama that follows.
but i’m tired.
i’m tired of feeling like i am at war with myself.
the enemy has set a ton of traps
and i think i’ve fallen into everyone of them.
i’m grateful for this site i can vent.
in real life,
i try to keep a poker face.
its a mean face,
but i’m seeing the error in that.
i’ve been mesmerized by the “bitches” and “hoes” of life.
you know the popular phrase online:
“THESE HOES BE WINNING”
..and that starts to fuck with you.
you think that you have to be this mean faced thot to get respect out here.
sure they can get a wolf,
but once he conquers the “bitch” and breaks her down,
they become destroyed like everyone else.
it looks like they are winning,
but life usually hands them the gut punch to take them out.
its okay to be aggressive and even be a little stern with your feelings.
don’t hesitate to pull out your inner (he)bitch when someone violates.
i’m learning that its only for that moment.
there is no reason to be a raging bitch because its monday.
there is also no reason to be a raging bitch to people you don’t know.
many of “us” in this life have this habit of just being mean for no reason.
well let me ask…
where has that gotten you so far?
i took a long look at myself,
and how i have handled things emotionally.
i’m sorta disgusted.
it made me sick to my stomach last night.
i’ve been so angry at my circumstances,
at people who have hurt me,
that my energy has probably repelled people who have been interested.
and looking like a villian in a disney movie.
no one wants to be around that too long.
the common denominator may just be “me”.
can you admit that for yourself as well?
i like to think i’m a good person with great qualities to offer a wolf,
but my own walls have been sabotaging anyone from trying to enter.
my demons have been the guardians at the gate.
so maybe its time to turn the mirror towards ourselves for once.
nothing worse than meeting the “potential” of your dreams…
…and scare him away.
thats us on the right in the red.
something in our lives has us “here”.
“here” hasn’t brought up a date or the life we deserve,
so if you looked at your life and whats missing…