i guess you can say i’m having a fall from grace,
just no tyler perry.
when shit starts to fall apart,
it really enhances the loneliness you feel.
people’s silence is deafening.
the “lack” is hard to ignore.
i don’t know about your situations,
but…

...my 2020 has been off to a rough start.
friendly update:

– lost my job
– someone i was really interested in left
– “friends” have gotten scarce
– money is all the way funny
– i want more from my life than being an office assistant

to add insult to injury,
no pun intended,
i fell down the stairs and hurt my foot the other day.
oh yeah.
it has been one thing after another for me.
i have no energy to pick up the pieces these days.
i’m just “being“.
hell,
could i get any lower than the swamps?

i just want to cuddle in some nice arms and cry on a big chest.
is that too much to ask for???

they say that when shit happens like this,
a life change for the better is coming.
we don’t ask questions,
but we stick within the storm until it passes.
i’m tired of fighting my way through storms tho.
like,
something has to give in my life.
everyone else is living their best lives around me,
but i’m right back to square one again.

i’d be phony if i didn’t see the blessings in my life.
i see em,
but i see “what’s going wrong” too.
i’ve been trying to focus my attention on the good,
but it’s hard when you’re in the mind space i’m in.
it has all been a doozy for my emotions this week.
when i thought it was gone,
i’m feeling my anxiety creeping back.
i just want to find solid ground again.
this too shall pass…

But when?

it’s my pity party and i’ll cry when i want to.
sigh.

low-key: it must be the retro-shade period because…