2:30am Thoughts

tumblr_o31cpzliov1tu2m70o1_500i found myself feeling sad tonight.
it was another day for the record book of eternal fuck shit”.
this year wasn’t letting it’s foot off my neck.
i couldn’t sleep and rolled over to deep thought.
then it hit me like a ton of bricks

Why should I feel sad?

it’s not like i’m out here doing dumb shit.
i’m not:

spending money stupidly
hooked on some kind of drug/addiction
fuckin’ everything moving
backstabbing/betraying others
lying to make myself better than everyone else

i’m a focused young fox trying to make moves.
i may not be moving fast enough for others,
or flexin on social media for attention,
but i am working at my own pace to achieve long term greatness.

that can’t be rushed

even though i have claimed i am not noticed,
that is a lie.
i am noticed.
it may not be the wolves i like,
but it’s always those with more to offer.
there are many animals,
including strangers,
who recognize i have a good spirit.
this older vixen at work told me the other day:

“once you get out your head,
and your own way,
you will achieve the world.”

see i use to think being “nice” was bad.
being nice to “jackals/hyenas” is what’s bad.
allowing them to hurt and take advantage of me.
that’s where i went wrong.

the only sadness should be from those who left my life.
they should feel sad.
not to be conceited,
but i am a damn good friend/boyfriend.
i’m different.
i’m unique.
i genuinely give a fuck about you.
they will can meet a thousand “thems”,
but you won’t meet another me.
jamari fox is pretty hard to duplicate in these streets.

knowing my worth is starting to be important.
i can’t front,
but this job is teaching me that.
instead of looking at what’s wrong in that place,
and many other things in my life,
i need to start seeing the good.
it wasn’t a bad week:

i stood up for myself more than once
was on the radar by those from many big companies
did my work to the best of my ability
have an amazing foxhole that i love escaping too when i get home

when i started thinking about those things,
i became happier and felt more powerful.
those are the things that i need to remember when my mind goes south.
i’m not an angel,
but i damn sure ain’t the devil either.
things could be much worse.

That is the first major step on the mountain.


Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

16 thoughts on “2:30am Thoughts

  1. I was feeling sad too over the past few days.. It’s mostly career reasons but I still think about everything else. You get that gut-wrenching feeling when you look back at all the hard work you put in to get something and still you’re not getting the results you expected. No success story happened overnight but even telling yourself that doesn’t help sometimes.

    I’m starting University in a few days so hopefully that can keep my mind off things. Stay positive J! I even sometimes find it hard to take my own advice but a positive mind is way better than a negative one.

    1. ^me too!!
      we were on the same wave length est!
      i started to dwell on this job,
      the ones that did me wrong,
      and feeling completely over it.
      i called the prayer hotline and had someone pray with me.
      i came to that revelation.

      i have to remember this when things start to go south.

  2. You have always and continue to inspire others with your realness, outlook, and vulnerability to show who you are and where you are going. We are all amazing individuals but you have a level of phenomenality that cannot be matched nor duplicated.

  3. I’m glad you’re starting to realize your potential and is starting to see the light in you that everyone else sees.

    1. ^it took a while,
      but the job is allowing me to see that.
      so in reality,
      it wasn’t so bad after all because it has made me see my worth and my own strength.
      im now at this place of not giving a fuck there.
      the best part with that is they see that and realize im gonna do what i do with no interruptions.

      1. Now is that time to reach out to that CEO’s secretary and try to set up a meeting!
        They don’t appreciate what you and the other workers do. That is an every-man-for-himself environment that will continue to stress you until you’re in a hospital. Don’t let them do it.

        1. ^im learning that about my job.
          it’s very “everyone for himself while holding a machete behind their backs”.
          ive managed to survive thus far,
          but they been turning up on the playing field as of late.

  4. Your a deep thinker, thats why you get sad. It shows you have wisdom. I run into that same issue, people taking my kindness for weakness. As much as we should desire to be kind and giving, sometimes it can be difficult to do so in our current culture. We want to be good but don’t want to be taken advantage of. Like many things in life, this requires a delicate balance of assertiveness and servitude. You can’t be heavy on assertiveness. But there nothing wrong with sticking up for yourself. You have to be as shrewd a snake but harmless as doves.

  5. Amen to this entire entry. It’s hard to look up when you are constantly put down, looked down at, and let down by people and life situations. Either you stay living with your head down, or you can lift your head up and pray to God for solace. After you pray, you must realize that in spite of all the negative aspects of life, you still have so much more to fill your life with peace, happiness, and comfort. You have to allow those positive aspects to dictate your steps in order to acquire true fulfillment in your life. Like you, I’m on this journey myself.

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