i found myself feeling sad tonight.
it was another day for “the record book of eternal fuck shit”.
this year wasn’t letting it’s foot off my neck.
i couldn’t sleep and rolled over to deep thought.
then it hit me like a ton of bricks…
Why should I feel sad?
it’s not like i’m out here doing dumb shit.
spending money stupidly
hooked on some kind of drug/addiction
fuckin’ everything moving
lying to make myself better than everyone else
i’m a focused young fox trying to make moves.
i may not be moving fast enough for others,
or flexin on social media for attention,
but i am working at my own pace to achieve long term greatness.
that can’t be rushed
even though i have claimed i am not noticed,
that is a lie.
i am noticed.
it may not be the wolves i like,
but it’s always those with more to offer.
there are many animals,
who recognize i have a good spirit.
this older vixen at work told me the other day:
“once you get out your head,
and your own way,
you will achieve the world.”
see i use to think being “nice” was bad.
being nice to “jackals/hyenas” is what’s bad.
allowing them to hurt and take advantage of me.
that’s where i went wrong.
the only sadness should be from those who left my life.
they should feel sad.
not to be conceited,
but i am a damn good friend/boyfriend.
i genuinely give a fuck about you.
they will can meet a thousand “thems”,
but you won’t meet another me.
jamari fox is pretty hard to duplicate in these streets.
knowing my worth is starting to be important.
i can’t front,
but this job is teaching me that.
instead of looking at what’s wrong in that place,
and many other things in my life,
i need to start seeing the good.
it wasn’t a bad week:
i stood up for myself more than once
was on the radar by those from many big companies
did my work to the best of my ability
have an amazing foxhole that i love escaping too when i get home
when i started thinking about those things,
i became happier and felt more powerful.
those are the things that i need to remember when my mind goes south.
i’m not an angel,
but i damn sure ain’t the devil either.
things could be much worse.
That is the first major step on the mountain.