your mind can have you so fucked up.
it can have you feeling like you really ain’t shit out here.
it only happens when you’re at your lowest place.
you forget all the positives during that point.
i suddenly got so sick…
i was feeling good yesterday.
i was listening to this electronica mix on spotify.
my vibration was high and strong.
it wasn’t until i got the call about not getting the job,
that my whole mountain went upside down.
i had all these thoughts shoot into my head:
“you are doomed.”
“you are about to be homeless.”
“you did something wrong and this is your karma.”
i decided to take a nap to reset my hard drive.
it didn’t last long because i couldn’t stop thinking.
“this is the end.”
“maybe you’re not supposed to live past this point.”
“no one will hire you and you’ll be broke.”
so i got up and wrote the entry.
later on in the night,
my body felt so weird.
i wanted to throw up,
i felt like i was gonna faint,
and i had no appetite.
i felt this tight pressure in my stomach.
when i tried to lie down to sleep:
“life is over.”
“unemployment is going to run out soon.”
“sent 100+ resumes and only two called me back.”
“you aren’t white so you will suffer.”
needless to say,
i didn’t sleep.
so i went on my social medias to escape.
everyone i know is happy af.
they are going places,
and making moves.
someone who did me wrong,
is living his best life according to his social media right now.
the worst thing you can do is go on your social media during a low point.
the absolute worst thing.
i have my phone on do not disturb because i’m not with the shits.
not only that,
i’m feeling sick af for no reason at all.
what a time to be alive!
lowkey: i can only imagine what it’s like for a baller wolf.
one who gets cut from a team/injured.
they have more bills than i do.
i pray the universe can help all of us out there in the struggle.
from the ones who fell off great mountains to those on the way.
we gonna be good soon.