i spent the last few days on my back.
worn out wasn’t the word.
i ended up sleeping a majority of the days.
you know how i said i had all these plans a few entries down?
Play: Zelda
Clean: My crib
Watch: “Queen’s Gambit”
well…
I did nunna dat
the amount of energy i didn’t have was really weird.
i spent these last few days either sleeping,
watching twitch streamers,
or playing “dead by daylight” with my online friends.
i made plans and God said:
NOPE.
the worst part is i had no energy or urge to open my laptop.
one thing i love is the foxhole keeps my updated,
but my entire being was on:
“Hi,
I’m on a mental vacation and won’t have much access to emails.
I’ll be back insert date and time here.”
i know one thing tho.
My anxiety was/is at an all-time high.
i cannot explain what i was going through.
a purge,
maybe?
i had been doing a lot of spiritual exercises.
i feel like i’m coming out of the slump now,
but im still feel a little out of it.
Was I the only one?
lets get into some of the good stuff i was sent.
Hi J. and thanks for this post. I was begining to think I was in the process of losing my mind. I’ve been doing this for months now. Zoned out, mentally checked out, in a DEPRESSION. For months now I’ve been taking advantage of FMLA that was supposed to be used for care of a relative and I’ve used it for myself. I’ve done nothing but lay in bed and play video games and watch youtube videos. My place is a mess and I have no energy. When I do go to work I hate every second of it. When work is over I go straight home and back to bed. I feel like something is wrong with me because I’ve never been this way before. I took thousands of dollars from my 401k thinking I would use it to do needed repairs to my house yet it has been used to pay bills and mortgage because I haven’t earned enough from being out so much. Now the money is almost gone and I know my mental escape has to end and I need to get back on the hamster wheel. This post kinda made me feel less alone in my messy creation. I keep telling myself to snap out of it, get my shyt together. Maybe now I can. I don’t feel as crazy as I did before reading this post.
^i want to touch on this comment.
thank you for sharing your life with us paul.
it was very honest and needed.
it touches me when i read comments like this because it allows others to see they aren’t alone.
we are all in a struggle during this pandemic,
no matter how good things appear.
when we see people having a good time,
its unrelatable to many who are struggling and suffering on the inside.
i’m very honest about my feelings and the things i go through.
it helps me to write and also to see others who are dealing with similar.
like,
some some weird anxiety came over me and i don’t know where it came from.
reading your comment calmed me down a bit and made me feel less alone as well.
i’ll continue to be open because someone needs to read it.
love.
Thank you, this isn’t the first time something you have said or a topic that you posted gave me perspective in my own life and I’m sure others have been helped as well. I’ve been a fan for many years here. BTW I got out of bed and went to work today and it wasn’t so bad. One day at a time.
Lounged all day today. ♋
Working retail drains you mentally, so glad “black friday” November is over. Lol
Getting ready for December now.
^did they practice social distancing in your store?
I was in the same head space. I’m currently forcing myself to turn in a rough draft on my thesis.
^you can do it tony!
don’t let it make you stagnant!
I literally came down South Carolina to visit my Mom. I’ll be here until December 7th but it’s still not a complete vacation I have class in the morning this week via zoom. One more week and then it’s Finals.
^good luck!
Good Luck to you.