last night at like close to 11pm-ish,
in the middle of a deep cleansing facial,
i was interrupted by the sounds of my phone going off.
a lot.
as much as i wanted it to be “11pm to 3am entertainment”,
it was actually my home vixen.
she wrote this to me…
i knew this was serious,
but i already knew what this was going to be about.
i don’t know if i mentioned her story to the foxhole,
but my home vixen is dealing with an “ain’t shit” wolf.
we will call her “princess”.
so princess met a sexy hispanic wolf and everything was all good in the beginning.
6 months into their “honeymoon phase”,
she got pregnant and had a beautiful cub with him.
well shortly after that,
the real story came about.
he is a notorious cheater and a mega liar.
his ex found princess on social media and provided tons of receipts of his cheating.
he was taking/fucking:
the ex
a past girlfriend
a few other chicks
he was spending money on them and everything.
not only that,
some anonymous she-hyena also hit up her with proof as well.
it was some shit out a movie.
i told princess to leave him,
but she is all wrapped up in that hispanic charm.
she also wants to stay together for the sake of their cub.
i know.
it’s always a back and forth with those two.
one minute,
it’s going great and the next,
she will call me in tears after something she found out.
he would beg and tell her that he can’t live without her.
that hispanic shit.
she can’t let go of him.
so last night,
she told me that he went out of state for work.
she wanted to:
hop on a plane with her home-wolf
do a stake out at the hotel he is staying at
if he is creeping with the ex who lives in the same area then she would be done
“do it”
i said that so she could get some closure.
that would actually devastate her.
let’s just say i had to talk her out that tree.
“what happens after you find out he is in his hotel room with her?”
“i don’t know…”
“you gonna beat him and her with a club?
leave in tears and hop on a plane?
commit suicide?
what is the end goal after all this?”
silence.
i ended up giving her some solid advice.
The best revenge is indifference…
she knows he is cheating,
so let him cheat.
he knows it hurts her and he won’t stop.
if she is working on her shit to leave,
she needs to let him do his thing.
i urged her to work on her exit plan.
her cub will carry so much resentment to find out mommy and daddy are “acting”.
she ended up putting that plan in the trash.
after i hung up with her,
my only thought in my head was:
I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THAT
that seems like torture.
you love someone and they can’t do right.
that wolf is comfortable.
how the hell do you even make him uncomfortable?
i feel her wolf is a bonafide sociopath and she is starting to believe it.
even his family is seeing through him now.
it’s the fear of the unknown is holding her back.
for her sanity and the love of her cub,
she needs to go,
but i don’t think she has been hurt enough yet tho.
stay tuned…
lowkey: shit like this makes me so cautious.
it’s a dangerous dating world out here,
but i’ll jump back in soon…
Again, I get what you’re saying.
I’m not in the habit of telling grown people either…but when they use my ears to vent, I give it to them. Whether they choose to listen or not is on them, but I would tell them not to play the fool because if a person tells you that they love you and wants to be with you…they will do that. Not go fuck every person that throws ass in their face.
That 80 year old widow that you speak of, lived in a time where that practice was pretty much tolerated. Hell, my grandfather was stepping out on my grandmother for YEARS, even in his old ass age! LOL
I have aunts and uncles that are my age….and younger. Again, that was a different era. Today, women and men don’t have to AND WON’T go for that…well, some of them. They can move on with or without that partner, even if kids are involved. I believe low self-esteem keeps a person with someone that continuously cheats on them, but that’s just my opinion based on observations and knowing people going through it.
I agree that many women today believe that they would prefer no man to sharing one. Many of those same women believe strongly that there is one man especially for them who, once found, will be loving and faithful all the days of their lives as they live, happily ever after. Many of their nieces, who grew up adoring an amazing and wonderful but permanently single auntie, are making different choices. I respect everybody’s choice. I reject the notion of “should be” between humans and embrace only “is”, if freely chosen. Relationships are more complex than movies. I applaud anyone who has found a way to be happy within one. Jamari’s friend is NOT one of those people, yet. I suspect that, given her current situation, negotiated infidelity will lead to more happiness than a fruitless quest for monogamy with the father of her child. There is no evidence in all of human history than men and women ( or any combination thereof) are designed to meet in their 20’s, fall in love and live monogamously for 70 years and, then, die. I suspect that every story that you think went that way is far more complex than you think. I just wish we lived in a culture where people told the truth about such things.
It’s a fucked up situation all around, and she needs to separate herself from that situation rather than accept the “negotiated infidelity” you speak of. In the long run, SHE will be unhappy with that scenario, even though her mouth says something totally different to alleviate the situation at that particular moment. The only one that comes out all smiles in this one is the baby daddy, because he gets to dip his candle all over the place, whether agreed to or not.
Why are people still pursuing and staying in relationships with men they have to watch with binoculars? If extreme measures have to be taken to be certain he does not cheat, then the man is not worth it. I always tell people that the process of a relationship should be slow, not rushed. Getting pregnant 6 months into the relationship is too soon, and that is not enough time to have a feel of someone to know what type of character they have.
I hear what you’re saying, and sadly people do have arrangements as such, but those people don’t love themselves enough. No self-respecting person would put up with that BS. If they so, they are weak-minded and allow that person to tell them what their self-worth is…basically you’re a fool because you allow me to do this…and I’m going to continue for as long as I can!
Nah, we gotta be better than that. Ain’t that much dick/pussy in the world that I would allow you to disrespect me like that. When they do that, they’re basically settling and that behavior leads to resentment. She needs to realize that he won’t change, but it’s going to take a hard reality check for that to happen. Sociopaths are manipulative and are all about self-gratification. No one else matters to them, only their needs have to be met.
Everyone in their life serves a purpose, and when you are no longer useful…you get cut off or killed.
I don’t think that she would have to take her ideal man from someone else. What’s to say that he’s not out there…and single?! LOL
I had a conversation with an 80 year old widow recently. (Jamari- the conversation was in Spanish). She told me that she knew her late husband had a side piece for decades. She knew her name and where she lived. When her husband died, she even let the woman attend the wake…after she and her children had left. She further pointed out. ” We are both old women now. I will die in the house he paid for, living on his pension and life insurance, surrounded by my children and grandchildren. She will die alone in a home, hoping somebody notices she’s dead. I made my choices and she made hers. Mine were better.”
Im not in the habit of telling grown people what they can’t do that doesn’t effect me. I also see nothing wrong with her choices. She went in with her eyes open and got what she wanted, happily paying the price. He had a family he adored and a side piece he also loved. As it happens, I also know the side piece. She is the worst off financially but she also knew what she was doing. As it happens, the wife’s son occasionally stops by to make sure the side piece isn’t starving in her old age. Grown people shit, not fairy tales.
Your friend needs to understand that her wolf is who he is going to be. He won’t change. She can’t impact his behavior. All she can do is decide how she will respond to it. For example, she can put boundaries around his cheating the way many Latina vixens do. For example:
1. Im wifey and they are THOTS.( I come first always. You come home to me. They have no rights to anything but dick.) aka we get married.
2. You use condoms with the Hos, always. (anybody but me gets pregnant and its done.)
3. I won’t go looking for the Hos and you will work hard for me never to see them.
4. If one of the Hos starts to look to me like more than a sidepiece, this means you have failed to keep her out of my sight and what I saw looked like more than just sex, then I preserve the right to demand her immediate and unconditional exile.
5. If you violate these rules, you are announcing your desire to renounce your family and I will do all I can to keep your cubs away from you for the rest of your life.
If your friend can’t handle a situation/negotiation like that, she needs to leave him NOW and never ever go back. If she leaves and goes back then she needs to accept that she is the sidepiece and somebody else is wifey. Wifey has power. If she has no power, she aint wifey. Even wifey can’t enforce monogamy but she can regulate infidelity. A cheater is going cheat. Either she can accept that and figure out how to live with it. Or pretend that it isn’t true and have her heart broken repeatedly and her power diminished so often that eventually she has no worth to him, to her children and most importantly, to herself.
^you are so smart jay.
i will tell her this.
Awww hell no Jay!! That is unacceptable.
If she can’t be the one and only…she needs to get out of that.
Everything you said gives him license to fuck any and everything he wants…while she stays at home taking care of their child. Would you accept that type of behavior from a sister/cousin/other relative? I know I wouldn’t. Why allow her self esteem and pride to fall to the wayside all because your man wants to have his cake and eat it too?!
He’s thinking I can go bang my side-chick and my main chick is home cool with the arrangement. As long as he’s allowed to do what he wants, he will NEVER change. This woman is better than that (I hope) and she should focus on making a life for herself and her child, cause right now papa is only concerned about how much ass he can get.
There is someone out there that will respect her and ONLY her, and her child. But the baby daddy will always be a problem when it comes to having another man around his child. And if that man treats the mother and child better than he does…it will REALLY be a problem! Think Future/Ciara/Russell Wilson as an example.
Millions of grown-assed people have arrangements like that and always have. It is far more prevalent in some cultures than in others. In my view, grown people get to set the parameters of their own relationships. Pretending that he will end his cheating ways and focus exclusively on her is a fool’s choice that puts her in the same situation, just not in the wife role. Otherwise, folk need to me a lot more careful about with whom they reproduce. Because now she has to go out in the world searching for a unicorn, a man who will be absolutely faithful to her but doesn’t mind that she has someone else cub. Im not saying such men don’t exist. But, she would generally have to take him from someone else, thus ruining the expectation of fidelity.
This is so sad. They obviously were not using condoms when the baby was conceived. With her being in love with him, I doubt if they are using condoms now, in between his numerous trysts. HIV is not the only thing with lifelong consequences lurking out there.
I really wouldn’t know what to tell her, if this guy is as crazy as he sounds she might want to get herself a restraining order (even though I don’t know what good that would really do). She can’t keep putting up with this disrespect but at the same time she has to know that. it’s all a thrill when you want to catch a man cheating or doing something of that nature but the heartbreak that comes along with that can be devastating good luck to her tho
^he hasn’t shown the crazy yet.
i hope he doesn’t.
he has shown liar and cheater tho.
she told him what he is doing hurts her.
this pineapple be having these hoes texting and calling.
he tells her that he doesn’t answer them,
yet you creeping.
the whole shit is fucked up.
Tell her to be careful IF and when she tries to leave him! That dude is gonna flip, especially since they have a child together. If he lets her bounce with no BS, I’d be amazed….but that ain’t happening.
She about to see the psycho come to light! See…he can do what HE wants to do, but the minute SHE tries that or tires to bounce, that machismo BS comes to surface, and he will feel the need to control her.
If/when he loses that control…that’s when full-on “cray-cray” starts to show.
^i heard about these latino wolves.
i don’t think he would let her leave that easy.
it’s like i don’t know WHO she got herself wrapped up with.
i’m telling you c,
he has all the traits of a sociopath.
his own sister sent princess something about sociopaths to warn her.
^i told her she needs to go ahead and try meeting someone else.
i’m starting to think that isn’t a good idea…
Exactly Christian, everything you said is true. I hate when females get in situations like these. These crazy ass men think they can sleep around and treat their women like shit, then flip the script when they try to leave. It honestly sucks that a child is involved, he will give her hell for the next 18 years. Jamari can she go to her parents or any other family members?
^yeah she can go back home if it gets real bad,
but she hasn’t told her parents what’s really happening yet.
I think she needs to tell her parents asap, she should think about moving in with her parents for the time being. He is out of town now this would be the perfect time to move.
^but the point is,
she is torn with her feelings for him.
he isn’t abusing her.
he is lying and cheating.
she loves him and can’t leave.
he loves her and he is a cheater.
they have a cub together so it makes it harder to just up and bounce.
she wants to stay with him for the baby,
but she wants to leave because she doesn’t deserve the lies and the games.
i couldn’t imagine loving someone and then once you are in deep,
the real personality comes out and it was all a front.
she needs to go,
but she needs to realize what she is gaining with this asshole.
I get what your saying but he is a constant cheater which is a no no, he is always going to cheat on her. Okay say she stays: she could be exposed to stds HIV, she could catch him cheating lose her mind and kill him then she will be locked up, the baby would be without a mom and dad. Okay say she leaves she starts over, move with her parents, she goes back to school or get a job, put him on child support, find a dude who actually can treat her right. There are so many ways this situation could go. Honestly I think she needs to do some inventory on herself, value herself a little more and gain some self esteem.
I’m glad you brought up the hypocrisy when dealing with “ain’t shit” dudes. Let him would have found out she so much as texting someone else… Jesus. I feel if she ever gets the courage to leave she needs to make sure she was someone there as support and possible witness. Family or friends, whatever. If you’re in any kind of abusive relationship or something you’re in fear of getting out of then it’s time for some outside help. It doesn’t even have to be law officials, just someone you trust to have your back when sh*t hit the fan.
Couldn’t be me.
If you gotta hop a flight and do a stakeout clearly you don’t need to be in that relationship.
Besides STDs too prevalent for all that shit.
Set that hoe free.
^at first i was like “yeah go head and do it”,
but she talking about her knocking on the door and as soon as he opens it,
she rushes in the room.
….then what?
she isn’t a fighter.
i don’t care how much i want a “stable family”,
my sanity is far too important.