ive been feeling depressed.
masturbated.
temporary relief.
i have so much on my mind.
i’m having those nightmares again.
i also had to low key cut some people off.
life has turned very weird for me.
i wish i could afford a spa appointment.
right now that isn’t even in the cards at all.
so i thought to myself:

“why not bring the spa to my crib?”

hmm…

Continue reading “Well Don’t Just Stand There! Come Over Here and Wash My Back!” →

imagine being in a car.
any car.
it’s yours and you are driving.
it’s a beautiful day.
sun is out.
windows down.
wind blowing in your face.
you are driving to your next destination.
the next pit stop.
it’s been a long journey,
but you have enough gas to last a while.
stop sign.
you follow the rules of the road.
as soon as you pull off to get to the next street,
a pick up truck slams the fuck into you.
you = car.
the pick up truck = life.
the outcome….

Continue reading “#boom #crunch #splat (Fucked).” →

we haven’t done one of these in a while…

i am a huge,
no gigantic,
music junkie.
i’m starting to think music is my addiction.
when i’m going through it,
i run to good music.
you’ll know i’m sad or stressed if i’m playing this…

Continue reading “FOR THE RECORD: (11)” →

think about this.
you are enjoying a perfect day.
sun is shining.
the wind smells so crisp.
you are wearing the perfect outfit.
everything fits you to a tee.
nothing could fuck up the day.
well, think about the opposite.
it’s raining hard.
everything just seems to be going wrong.
nothing can put a smile on your face.
you just want to go home and crawl into bed.
every thought you have feels heavy.
you just want to sleep.
maybe forever if you could.
that’s depression.
they say 120 million people on this planet suffer from it.
does that include everyone on social media?
so many people trying to play perfect.
their smiles so big on facebook.
bodies so sweet on instagram.
they tweet about their lives like it’s something out a movie.
they try to be modern day celebrities.
“why isn’t that me?”
“am i doing something wrong?”
you start to dig yourself into an emotional grave.
oh i been there.
trust.
“no one wants to hear about your problems so why even talk about it?”
i guess that’s why we are so shocked when they commit suicide.
life is funny that way.
when it comes to depression…

Why are we so scared to admit it?

Continue reading “The Sweet Scent of Depression and Suicide Within The Air” →

chaos.

the art of complete confusion and disorder.
life for me now is on some other shit.
trying to find happiness is a daily battle.
i guess the only time i feel a smile is when i get on here.
my place to escape when i need to feel better about myself.
once i shut my laptop,
it’s back to the real world.
when will things get better?
you ain’t miss cleo so you won’t know.
are things just as bad for everyone?
i’m irritated.
i don’t want to hang with anyone.
is this what the bottom feels like?
i started to wonder…

When will the good times roll?

Continue reading “Chaos and Piss” →

“i’m over this city.”
this is one sentence that keeps replaying back in my mind ever so often.
this city is making me sick.
not just sick and tired.
but physically sick.
i don’t know if it is the stress of not finding a job yet,
or that i’ve suddenly got some kind of stomach problem,
but i am over it all….
Continue reading “The Concrete Forest Feels Like It Has Fallen On Me” →