yesterday was a day of surprises.
one of the reasons i didn’t post anything.
let’s get into it…
so i woke up with my allergies on swole.
great.
body was sore,
had a stuffy nose,
and a pounding headache.
when i finally crawled out of bed,
i also had another surprise.
my neck and chin was at war with razor bumps.
i went to the barber the day before and must have forgot to get a wipe down with alcohol.
so between wanting to hide until they went away and feeling like absolute shit,
i downed three benadryls and fell asleep.
i was in and out of sleep,
but i finally woke up at 6pm.
yes.
it was that kind of situation.
i wanted to stretch my legs so i go outside to check the mail.
i get a letter telling me they are cutting the amount of my unemployment.
another great surprise!
how fun is that?
i decided it was time to finish up on my resume.
so i did that and i go to to print the finished copy,
my printer tells me it’s out of ink.
wtf????
i only used the printer a good 6 times since i got new ink.
i look online and they tell me it costs 37.98.
surprise!
in a mood,
i flung everything and crawled back in bed.
so the biggest surprise is that i get a call from star fox’s mother.
she usually calls to check in to see how i’m coping but i havent heard from her in a while.
no invites to church since that last time.
nothing.
that was a surprise.
she goes on to tell me she finally received all of his things a week or two ago.
his phone was in the box and she decided to charge it.
she is still paying the bill to keep it on.
his voice is still on the vm so i guess she calls to hear it sometimes.
well when she turned the phone on,
the phone blew up with texts and other alerts.
she said she noticed a lot of them were from dudes.
“uh oh…”
this is not the surprise i was hoping.
i don’t know how she got in his phone,
because i know he had a password,
but that’s where all the fun was:
the dick pics.
the messages on his various accounts.
jack’d stuff.
the conversations between his other friends.
him and i.
dudes and him.
worse: the sex videos he taped.
i guess that was biggest surprise for her.
she told me she hasn’t showed anyone yet.
not his father who i know may have a heart attack.
she has been meaning to call me since she saw it.
she admitted she didn’t want to speak to me.
she asked me why he didn’t tell her?
she claims she would have understood.
yeah right.
i told her that he told me that they wouldn’t.
she said she would.
she said she had a feeling,
but she didn’t want to believe that voice.
the fact they were super christians didn’t help either.
“i knew i should have had him in sports or something as a child.”
“what do you mean?”
“well he found himself in this somehow. he was hanging out with bad company or something…
…he was never always a gay person.”
what?
i don’t know if it was because i was in a sour mood or what,
but i let her know in a respectful way:
“no.
you’re wrong.
we had long talks.
we were best friends.
brothers even.
he said he always knew he was gay even as a kid.”
“that is ridiculous. children don’t know anything yet. he was a child. he didn’t know anything yet. i’m talking about when he was young.”
“i knew.
i knew i liked guys even as a kid,
but i also thought it was wrong.
i tried to cover it up meeting females,
but i knew what i liked.
i was scared of what my parents when they were alive.
just like he did with you all.”
.
.
.
.
.
.
que the long awkward pause.
que the uncomfortable.
“i have something in the oven.
i will call…”
…and then she hung up.
it sounded like she was crying or about too.
i tried to call back an hour later but no answer.
straight to vm.
after that i said fuck it.
guess i won’t get another invite to their church?
i hope she doesn’t think i enhanced his gayness or something?
star fox had way more fun.
he made me want to be great,
have faith in god,
and learn to pull the nut deep out a nigga’s balls.
either way that was the cherry on top to a bad day.
so i woke up with the moody side effects today.
let’s hope this one is better.
What a bad day Jamari. Again sorry for your loss. He was a good friend. Im lucky. My mother is accepting and my friends have been very supportive. Not many black men are so blessed. His mother has to deal with what she has to deal with. I hope it will make her more accepting because her son is not the only gay person in her lifem. Some good will come of it.
Jamari, Im sorry for your loss. Take it one day at a time, and make sure you take care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. StarFox’s mom will be talking with you again. Keep your head up and drive on.
I take it you and Starfox must be masculine if she only “had a feeling” that he might be gay.I must tell you, I had a friend who’s mother didn’t like me and this other guy because she assumed we were bad influences on him.Even though we weren’t.She was super strict and mean, also a super Christian.Once he got older, he became a wild child after going off to college.
Jamari,
Come lay on my bosom baby. You need a few hours of some TLC…all of this needed to happen.
She needed to know the truth about her son…and she got it. It’s up to her on how she is to deal with it.
I have given strict orders to destroy my laptop and cell phone in the event of my death.
Shit…I been reading your site for two years now and it had been tests after tests.I hope you are able to celebrate soon.
Why don’t parents believe that it starts from childhood and that being around a certain crowd would have exposed their sons to girls and sports more? I got mad girls growing up, I was a hound, and I still ending up being bisexual. Boy the things my friends and I did as kids, lord Jesus. I have stories lol. I hate when parents when parents try and act like they would have been ok with their child’s sexuality. No they wouldn’t have. If that was the case, their children would have no reason to hide. Well, there is nothing his mom can do about it now, but in her gut she knows why her son didn’t tell her.
@Man…I’m with u on this one. The fact that she hasn’t shown anyone else means that she wouldn’t have accepted him. It’s easier to believe that “bad company” turned him than to accept that her son was born that way
iPhone 5S fingerprint recognition should put a stop to parent shock 🙂
@Fla G not fool proof ,a wife can use her sleeping husband’s finger to unlock his phone especially if he is a heavy sleeper.No need for his pass code
So basically you were outed? Shit! Star Fox isn’t even here to defend himself so who knows what they will think about you. Isn’t it crazy we all can be outed just by looking in someone phone or computer?
A lot is hidden behind computers and phones. That’s why I keep a lock on my phone lol.
Wow bad day! Isn’t it funny how all of our secrets are in our phones?
Woah! That does sound like a bad day. I’m sorry to hear about that man. She really must have been feeling some type of way heavy. Many parents have that “feeling”, but they choose to ignore it. Since she knows now, I hope she doesn’t start having the “what if” questions, and just know her son is in peace now. Did she know you were gay or she thought you were straight?
^i think she may have thought we were “together”.
we were really close.
she may have thought something,
but she never said anything.
i’ve learned christians tend to be in deep denial with sexuality.
I wonder if she thinks you”turned out” her son 🙂 WOW so a cell phone can “Out you”
Wow. I know she is feeling a way. Especially the way she hung up. But she wonders why your bestfriend didn’t tell her? Somethings people will never understand as much as they may try or believe they are trying. I hope you have a better day. Try to get our the house today. Definately a nice day out.
^she is talking a lot of shit.
she knows that between her,
and his father,
would not have liked that.
i asked him if he would ever tell them and he said no.
he did say he thought about it,
but he knows how they were,
so he just kept his situation private.
she admitted yesterday she knew he was really secretive.
Yeah I doubt highly she would of want to know. Most don’t want to know. I learned that early in life. I remember my father said “if my child was gay i’d disown them”. I take it he suspected I might be curious about that life at 12. He wanted it clear if I was into dudes also keep that to myself. Now that I’m older when he ask about my relationships and stuff around that I tell him “I’m secretive”, which is true. I am. He definitely helped with my reasoning to be.