Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to Me (Or Kill Me)

img-thingcan i be honest?
i’ve wanted to get this off my chest since monday…

honestly speaking,
this week has been a hard one.
people see me smiling and laughing,
but i’m actually low key depressed.
i’ve had theeee worst writer’s block.
i would look at the computer and have no ideas.
i’ve had A LOT on my mind.
my “spirit” was gone.
mother’s day is this weekend,
star fox’s first year death anniversary in a couple weeks,
and father’s day next month.
seeing all these people getting ready to pamper their mother this weekend.
i had to book a ticket for my boss to go see her mother this weekend.
she is also going to surprise her with tickets to a cruise.
one of the mailroom wolves was telling me about his mother.
he was going in on how he can’t wait to pamper her.
she was there and never gave up on him.
it got me all the way in my feelings that i had to go to the bathroom and cry.
can you believe that shit?
it’s tough.
life is not fair.
even though i am getting back on my feet,
it doesn’t change i am alone.
doesn’t change the fact i miss my parents and my best friend.
as the years go on,
they will not be coming back.
until you lose everyone you love,
you may never understand where i’m coming from.
having to depend on yourself.
what that pain beez like.
this ain’t wolf problems.
this “i miss the ones i lost” problems.
i don’t know if that will ever go away.
…okay i had my moment.
going to bed now.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

11 thoughts on “Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to Me (Or Kill Me)”

  1. It DOES get better J. Keep your head up and please keep doing what you love to do! It WILL give you life

  2. Damn man, that’s tough. In a sense, I kind of feel your pain, but things will work out for you at the end. Keep your head up and stay positive.

  3. Sorry to hear that man. I can’t even imagine how you are feeling, but remain strong and you will not feel alone forever.

  4. If you’re having writer’s block, take a break. Just let us know you’re going to take a break on Twitter or something so we won’t all assume the worse like that one time.

    You have many things that you can post about.


    Meat: muscle-tit pics, ass pics, wolf pics, fox pics, vixen pics
    Music: Whatever music you’re listening to at the moment.
    Fiction: Those juicy ass stories you write about with the made up characters and situations.
    TV show reviews: Dishing about your fave TV shows.
    X-rated: The straight porn pro & amateur of a wolf putting it down. And the “not for straight eyes.”

    I think I’m forgetting something… ?

    1. I don’t know what to say about your situation tho. I am depressed. I’ve been depressed most of my life. That’s why we both need wolves in our lives. They’re supposed to be holding us at times like these. Laying on a chest makes everything better.

      I would tell you to celebrate your mother, father, and Star fox these coming weeks but I’ve never understood why people say celebrate. You know damn well no one can do that. Although they are in a better place because they can’t get hurt anymore. Maybe you should think of some funny stuff Star fox has said through the years, that’s if he was a witty fox…

      I just imagined the end of Set It Off (when Jada Pinkett made it to Mexico with the money) after I wrote that last suggestion.

  5. I’m sending good vibes your way. With your writer’s block you might need to take a break to refresh your senses, explore your city and do some new things.

    As for your depression I’m keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I have no idea what it’s like to lose someone you love it must be heartbreaking to be reminded of their passing. We know they are watching over you from above proud.

    P.S. You’re not alone there’s love here on this blog from us and the true friends in your life. Keep your head up kid.

  6. Know your parents and friend are in Heaven and proud of you. Their souls are with you always. And it’s okay to be sad around this time. If you weren’t sad you wouldn’t be human. Be sad for a day or two but don’t wallow in it. Hang out with friends. Treat yourself to an ice cream sundae or a matinee. Volunteer. I’m sure there is a nursing home near you with elderly people who never have visitors and whose friends have long died. They would love to see you.

    Immanuel at

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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