Slam Don’t

I cannot stand frontin ass fake lying niggas.
Hence the word “niggas” because that’s what niggas do.

I DESPISE someone who will fake the front for some Fox ass.
It really makes my skin crawl.

I’m being honest, so why can’t you?

IsΒ  it so hard to meet a Wolf and him not try to lie to impress me?
Don’t lead me on and then I meet you an you look like a muthafuckin’ walrus.

Let me go in on this MORON I nearly met the other night…

Was on a site the other day, tryna find my cuddle buddy to snuggle with.
It is getting cold in the Concrete Jungle and a Fox needs something in the P.M.A (Premium Meat Package).

Something like shawty below would do me JUST RIGHT.

Anyway on a nite of aimless profile browsing,
this profile with a nice body shot sent me a message.
Convo was going smooth and we exchanged numbers.
As we were texting, something about dude wasn’t adding up.
You can just tell when a nigga is brain dead.

He decided to tell me (ON SOME RANDOM SHIT) that he plays basketball for Columbia University.

I felt my ears go up a lil…

“I like Columbia University and I like basketball players – SCORE.”

Something did make me question the whole “I play bball thing” though.
We only spoke that night and he decides to tell me that he is a baller and he just moved here.
Isn’t that something you tell em AFTER I meet you?
Wasn’t a real smart move on his part…

But on another side of the coin….
sometimes ballers are real illiterate when they are writing.
Since they probably spent half their college career on the court or field,
they had the band geeks doing their home work.
So maybe he was a dingbat… but for good reason…

“yo why don’t you come over and give me a massage.”
“don’t they have people on your campus to do that?”
“yeah but they didn’t get my legs…”

… cute.
I decided to play along with the mini-Baller in Distress act.

I knew he was probably DL,
but I asked him to send me some visuals of what he looked like.
So he sent me three pictures.

The following are the 3 pictures he sent me:

Is it me,
do those pictures all look different from each other?

I swear I saw the last one online somewhere!!

“Wow. Is that really you?” – I asked.
“Yes that is me.”
“Call me.”
“See you playing games.”
“I asked you to call me. How is that playing games?”
“You just wanted to get my pictures so you can steal them.”
“um what? I can send you mine. It is nothing pa.”
“ok nice to meet you bye.”
“ok bye.”

…. I thought the last I was going to hear from my Backward’s Baller…

“you still want to come over to give me that massage?”
“I thought you said bye?”

Long pause….
Wait for it….


That, my Foxes, was the last convo we had.

I did a little investigating on the Columbia basketball team and no one
remotely looked like him on the squad.
I am predicting he was a plate of crazy with a side of ugly duckling deluxe.
I kid you not, I would have got to his dorm and he woulda looked like:

I probably would have kicked his ass for playing with my emotions like that!


13 thoughts on “Slam Don’t

  1. This is why I HATE online dating!! Most of the guys are professional bullsh** artists! I had bad sexual experience because I was way toooooo friendly. Won’t EVER EVER happen again >:o !!!

  2. This is why I HATE online dating! Most of the guys are professional bullsh** artists! I got bamboozled twice in person >:0! Won’t happen again!

    1. Well, shit, can I finally just meet my baller so I can move onto phase 2 of Jamari Fox? “Love… And all the issues that come with it”? Or “Love… This is why I shoulda stayed single” lol

  3. Why do these brothers play these games? If they lie and you go meet them and you see, you don’t like , you are stil out of there, so what’s the point of lying?

  4. Jamari Fox :
    u think you will live up to my fantasies? >:-)

    I think we’ll be fuggin seven ways from Sunday…Imma make you forget your name…

    Your turn πŸ˜€

  5. See what happens when you give your number out? LOL

    But I’ll be your cuddle buddy… πŸ˜‰

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