Attraction isn’t always “lets have sex right now”.
It isn’t always friendly or open.
It can be cold,
It can be protection of being exposed.
i was reading something today on reddit.
it was about things people do that they think others aren’t peeping.
it’s like we know you are high af in church,
you aren’t fooling anyone.
this was two of the comments about being attracted to someone…
“I realised recently that I’m quite rude to people I’m attracted to. They make me nervous, so I go into defence mode and do whatever I can to make them go away. So yes, an obvious change in mannerisms, but maybe not an obvious reason.”
“I know that one! I worry that I come across more cold and harsh towards people I‘m attracted to in situations where I absolutely don‘t want someone to know hence why I overcompensate. Like, if I‘m not attracted to you and you want to hug as a greeting, hell yeah, let‘s hug, I love hugging! If I am attracted to you and you want to hug, it‘s gonna be a very short and impersonal hug because no way I‘m gonna risk accidentally holding on too long or too tight and someone seeing the truth in my eyes afterwards.”
The amount of times this has happened to me.
i took it so seriously like dudes hated me.
it all came from my old story of “males have bullied me”.
it was me being insecure and in my head.
i am able to break things down logically now.
I get along with pretty much everyone including straight wolves.
I keep a very healthy boundary if I know a wolf is straight.
I came off cold and trying hard to not be figured out before.
There were wolves who knew and were interested in slaying my foxhole.
When I started to realize they were interested,
they started to mirror my behavior by acting cold and distant,
especially when other people were around.
They couldn’t figure me out so they went into protective mode.
I feel like we were all in our heads since we were black males in society.
it wasn’t that they weren’t interested.
they just didn’t want people to realize they were interested.
since i had a low self worth,
i internalized their actions and thought i was the problem.
not only that,
gay males and vixens were bold with their interest in me.
it wasn’t that i was some beast.
these wolves were another version of how someone can be attracted to you.
This is why people I was close to could point out their interest in me.
I was too insecure to see it.
I think I missed out on some real good dick.
lowkey: we know when someone doesn’t like us due to jealousy.
we know when its homophobia.
we know when someone is hiding their attraction to us.
its all energy,