same sex attraction can be cold

Attraction isn’t always “lets have sex right now”.
It isn’t always friendly or open.
It can be cold,
and unfriendly.
It can be protection of being exposed.

i was reading something today on reddit.
it was about things people do that they think others aren’t peeping.
it’s like we know you are high af in church,
you aren’t fooling anyone.
this was two of the comments about being attracted to someone…

“I realised recently that I’m quite rude to people I’m attracted to. They make me nervous, so I go into defence mode and do whatever I can to make them go away. So yes, an obvious change in mannerisms, but maybe not an obvious reason.”

“I know that one! I worry that I come across more cold and harsh towards people I‘m attracted to in situations where I absolutely don‘t want someone to know hence why I overcompensate. Like, if I‘m not attracted to you and you want to hug as a greeting, hell yeah, let‘s hug, I love hugging! If I am attracted to you and you want to hug, it‘s gonna be a very short and impersonal hug because no way I‘m gonna risk accidentally holding on too long or too tight and someone seeing the truth in my eyes afterwards.”


The amount of times this has happened to me.

i took it so seriously like dudes hated me.
it all came from my old story of “males have bullied me”.
it was me being insecure and in my head.
i am able to break things down logically now.

I get along with pretty much everyone including straight wolves.
I keep a very healthy boundary if I know a wolf is straight.
I came off cold and trying hard to not be figured out before.
There were wolves who knew and were interested in slaying my foxhole.
When I started to realize they were interested,
they started to mirror my behavior by acting cold and distant,
especially when other people were around.
They couldn’t figure me out so they went into protective mode.
I feel like we were all in our heads since we were black males in society.

it wasn’t that they weren’t interested.
they just didn’t want people to realize they were interested.
since i had a low self worth,
i internalized their actions and thought i was the problem.
not only that,
gay males and vixens were bold with their interest in me.
it wasn’t that i was some beast.
these wolves were another version of how someone can be attracted to you.

This is why people I was close to could point out their interest in me.
I was too insecure to see it.


I think I missed out on some real good dick.


lowkey: we know when someone doesn’t like us due to jealousy.
we know when its homophobia.
we know when someone is hiding their attraction to us.
its all energy,

x see reddit here

7 thoughts on “same sex attraction can be cold

  1. This right here is foxhole gold. I love that we have shared experiences because I’ll protect myself and reduce my interest in you real fast if I sense some mess or bullshit. Energy and body language are always the telltale sign of how a man feels for you. I’ve passed up plenty of dick and I’ve had dick pass me up due to my extroverted persona that they perceived me to be something that I’m not. Our generation are still battling the remaining bits of homophobia and misogyny that the kids today seem to bypass. It’s sad that we still have the scars and wounds but once we overcome that, dick be afraid be very afraid 🤣

  2. Wow, This is a great subject. I see parts of myself in each of you. I too always played “Aloof ” around the guys I really liked. I know I missed out on some opportunities . I didn’t want anyone to know my preference ( Though I never denied , gay bashed and was totally open with Trans, Drag queens, Queens , lesbians associate in public and work etc.) In fact, I defended my fellow “Queers “!!!

    I had fears of rejection and never believed people who said I was “Attractive” . I seriously suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Despite being recruited and egged on to model . I eventually gave in and did some both Print and Runway. However, my anxiety eventually won so I quit.

    With age I have come to love myself more . Back then I knew I was smart, kind , compassionate and empathetic. I convinced myself that ” looks aren’t important “. There would always be a bigger Dick, bigger Ass,better looking person and a Nutt only last 7 seconds at the most . However, internally I felt I had no equal ( smile). Today I focus on my spiritual self .

    1. Same x3
      I always felt cute but I was always small height wise so I socialized more with girls bc I didn’t play sports
      And I think this made it to a point I wasn’t comfortable around men until later in life
      So now trade flirts and I feel myself constantly second guessing if they’re actually flirting bc I never make the first move
      That’s caused me to look at my peers who constantly put themselves out there with no fear and I notice they’re going for for 20 guys a week even if they get with 12 that’s more than 0 bc you wait and sit on the attraction

      1. I also think it’s difficult for us to feel vulnerable from past experiences like everytime I expressed myself too much I ended up regretting it , so I just started to come across emotionless around guys bc if I didn’t invest emotion I wouldn’t feel a way if he ends up not being gay or not into Black men or whatever the issue was

  3. I’ve always had this rule if I meet a really cute Wolf and everyone thinks he is cute, I would ignore the hell out of him. But, it always worked out to the opposite. The guy would always want to know why I wasn’t falling out all over him. I had to balance the scale out and this is how kept my cool on how I showed my thirst for men I found attractive. 🥰🤣🤣

  4. This is so interesting. Honestly from never being complemented and always having my looks made fun of I never accepted any public attempts at flirtation and the like, I in fact would mostly believe I was being messed with cause my tea is easy to clock and people love to pick at an obvious queer person for entertainment so I can say I’m very cold to others myself simply cause I never even entertain the possibility of being liked outside in public.

    If it isn’t from the apps on a place where I know the men into me are also queer like me then I’m not taking the risk. I too, may have missed out on some good dick myself but I’m at peace with it and rather prefer being “safe” (as much as possible with apps lmao) than sorry cause you bark up the wrong tree in public and they have more social capital than you it can get real bad real quick and with cameras everywhere you never know what’s going to follow you or not.

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