sometimes i wonder if its obvious when its time to move forward in life.
like are there any signs?
does god ring a bell that only you hear?
do you have to hear that you’re good enough before hand?
i see so many people getting stuck.
working these dead ends jobs until they can’t do it anymore.
watching their dreams pass them by with every punch in/punch out.
all they do is complain about their shit head boss and full of shit co workers.
it scares me.
being that person scares the fuck out of me.
can i be real with the foxhole tonight…
i just feel lost.
i just don’t know what to do next.
i was reading up on turning blogging into careers today.
it was all the same story:
“i quit my job in corporate america and blah blah blah…”
“i left and moved in with my parents and blah blah blah…”
“i threw all the papers in the air, threw up the deucez, and blah blah blah…”
how did they survive?
i don’t have the luxury of moving back home with my parents.
i don’t have a “mommy” or “daddy”.
my baller wolf does not exist yet to “i.o.u”.
i have a responsibility.
a fuckin’ ball and chain i am stuck with until i get the key.
someone sent me a beautiful email today.
it was full of praise.
they are a loyal reader of my site.
so many compliments that put a smile on my face.
they gave me a confidence boost that i’m fully capable of success,
but then i looked around and saw the dreaded office i am stuck in.
i saw that bobblehead across from me talkin about buying shoes.
everyone was kissing her ass like she was the queen.
i immediately wanted to vomit.
that place is the only thing keeping me afloat.
the emotional abuse i am subjected to because this is my only income.
i am living check to check paying off bills.
i don’t want to let anyone down,
but i just don’t know what to do.
i feel like i am trapped in a nightmare.
life is one big rehearsal.
we are all training for something greater for our “tomorrow”.
some have it easier than others.
they have a peanut gallery of support and assistance.
are all alone with no kind of nothing.
i am up at 6am and home at 6pm.
my whole day is doing someone else’s work.
by the time i get home,
i am so exhausted.
i can’t even go interview for another job.
i want to do my own thing.
i don’t want another fuckin’ job with a new batch of dummies.
sure this experience has built character,
but it has also left me feeling stuck in a rut.
physically and emotionally drained.
if i had an idea or clue of what i needed to do,
i would be doing it.
being in a dead end job is not life.
waking up feeling depressed is not the business.
thinking to yourself:
“i could be doing more…”
…but what more can be done?
how to do it?
i don’t know about those who are working a 9to5,
while trying to get a career happening,
but its def not easy.
every day i am reminded so.
lowkey: i know someone out there feels me on this.