when you stress about an outcome,
or give it more than it needs,
it can really have you slowly lose your mind.
when you are trying so hard to figure out the next game plan,
you don’t realize you’re slowly burning yourself out.
that’s what leads to depression and anxiety.
youstart feeling tired af all the time.
your interest in things you once liked/loved slowly starts to diminish,
everyone else looks like they’re “living the good life”,
and that’s when the “i’m worthless” thoughts start to set up shop.
i can attest to those feelings real heavy.
you know what i’m realizing works better for me?…
concentrating on the now/the work
the now: this very moment.
the work: the foxhole.
as of late,
i’ve been at my most stressed.
my energy level is at it’s lowest.
i don’t want to do anything but sleep all day.
i’m moody af and tend to want to isolate myself.
my cancerian ways come into play here too.
you know what has been keeping me happy?
- watching movies
- binging tv shows
- watching law of attraction videos
not to mention playing these games on my ps4:
… have all kept my mind off mentally creating “impending doom”.
next game i want: detroit: become human.
sidebar: i’m not into fortnite.
i gotta give it another try tho.
when i do me,
with little to no resistance,
i find i vibrate at most highest.
adulting comes naturally and i move at a healthier pace.
and “a-ha” moments update constantly in my internal hard drive.
so this week,
i’m gonna try something different.
i’ve been on a:
“omg i have to get income.”
“omg i have to get my website monetized.”
“omg i have to get into events.”
“omg i have to get some dick.”
“omg omg omg…”
…and ever since i got let go from that job,
i’ve been on high level depression and stress.
so i’m going to take one day at a time.
ima see how that works than:
“omg omg omg omg omg…”
i’m worn tf out inside and it’s all my doing.
lowkey: i’ve started meditating everyday so that’s a plus.