I feel like I should be wearing some big glasses,
moving my head back and forth,
wearing all black,
and singing hood anthems…
It’s that wonderful period in my life again.
One that seems tougher than the past.
Now, a Fox has been:
Homelessness, sleeping on couches, broke, jobless, loneliness…
Not to mention betrayed, talked about, used and thrown to the side…
A Fox has been through the ends and outs.
God has blessed me so much these last few years that I could never complain.
But, I seem to be in a slump these last few months.
Nothing seems to be going where I want it to go.
Am I being ungrateful?
Have you gone through the darkest moon in your life?
Have you ever been in a nightmare that you tried your hardest to wake up from?
Has your life been perfect, or have you been through bullshit?
I always wondered why people play perfect.
What is the point of playing a role that can easily be shone a spotlight on?
I don’t get it…
and maybe I shouldn’t worry about other people lives than my own.
People can learn from other people’s testimonies,
but of course in the age of social media,
everyone tries to put on a show for an audience who will drop them once the time is up.
As of late, I think I have been put in a serious test I didn’t expect/study for.
I was late for class, no damn pencil, and everyone is two pages in…
…and I’m still writing my name.
I have never felt this stressed out before.
I have never felt this insecure before.
I have never felt this exhausted before.
I have never felt this alone before.
When do the hard times let up?
Can we go years without finding our breakthroughs?
And when do we know that we passed the “test”?
When it comes to these damn tests…
When do we really graduate?