i use to be the top clown at the circus.
i can admit it…
now.
as i go through this therapy journey,
i’ve been feeling really sad.
i’m sure others may have experienced this with or without therapy too.
when you start to look back on things for your own closure…

You realize how you shoulda dragged many people for how they treated you.

i always did things in hopes of friendship and love.
i was a cheerleader,
an army general,
a therapist,
a duracell battery,
and man’s best friend aka a dog.
being a clown was my main profession tho.
when it came time for some of these people to support me,
i got ignored,
stirred feelings of envy within them,
and became the enemy really quickly.
i was thrown to the side and had others boastful put in my place.
it hurt me because i didn’t deserve to be treated like that.
the fact i allowed so much bad behavior out of fear of people leaving.
guess what,
jamari?
they left so…

I actually feel really stupid.

i guess if i was who i am becoming now,
my story wouldn’t have been interesting.
the lessons would never be and i wouldn’t know what to watch out for.

It’s okay tho…

them – 1
jamari – 0
i can take my Ls in stride.
my therapy has me feeling like a brand new fox.
better than ever actually.
that’s where:

Them – 0
Jamari – 10000000000000000000

i know all their secrets.
i know how many of them are hoes fucking for love.
i know how many of these males are low-hanging fruit.
i know many of them are in dead-end relationships.
i know many of them are playing the clown to someone else.
i know many of their “friends” are actually talking shit about them.
i know how low all their self esteems actually is.
i saw the best in all of them that they never saw in themselves.

The one person who treated them with kindness,
wanted them to be better,
was ghosted and dismissed.

so in reality,
they have shown they make bad decisions and are liabilities.
i don’t fuck or fuck with losers.

so i might be down but i’m not out.
there is no better time than the present to start over.