I Cleaned Out My Closet and My Mother Asked Me If I Was Gay

c794a59bc1cbe86f3d795da6a7998de6i had an interesting dream just now.
it woke me up out my nap.
i’m not really feeling well and  i’m drugged up on flu medication.
spo the dream was me in my old crib.
my parent’s spot.
i had just finished cleaning up my room.
the room was brighter.
the sun was beaming through these large windows.
my mother walked in.
i pointed to how organized my closet was.
it looked like she was teary eyed.
i looked at her and we locked eyes.
i asked her what was wrong.
i couldn’t really hear her voice,
but i heard what she said.
if that makes any sense?
she asked me…

“Was it me?
Did I make you this way?
I just want to know…”

i remember being speechless in the dream at her question.
i told her no.
i don’t remember what happened after that,
but i responded at some point:

“I don’t understand this judgement.
Straight people do so much wicked things,
but who I choose to love is wrong?”

she stood and just looked at me.
she was speechless.
it felt good to see her and even having this conversation,
although she was disappointed.
my phone ended up ringing and woke me up.
i don’t know what that dream was trying to tell me,
but it felt real.
keeping it 100 with the foxhole,
i don’t think that convo would have gone that calm in real life tho.
i’m sure i would have been packing up that same cleaned closet.

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

5 thoughts on “I Cleaned Out My Closet and My Mother Asked Me If I Was Gay

  1. This was “real” … she actually came to you in your dreams… believe it or not this kind of thing happens often. If you talk to otherswho have lost their parent/s especially younger adults, you will have that in common…

  2. Your mother doesn’t hate you. I just think parents coming from a different time where sexuality was more low key and these things werent spoken of it’s hard for them to comprehend. They love us and they’ve reared us and they just try to understand the aspects of our lives where they’re lacking knowledge of. My mother and I have conversations all the time. I honestly think if my father was alive he would have disowned me or try to hurt me, he was from West Africa Sierra Leone. Our parents never leave us, your spiritual ancestors are there to guide you. Take heed, be prayerful of every decision you make and LIVE to the best of your abilities thats all you can do regardless of your orientation.

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