many people in life don’t know who they are.
at one point,
even i didn’t know who i was.
when it comes to being “gay” or even “bi”,
people don’t like to embrace it.
now embracing doesn’t mean coming out the closet with poom poom shorts in tow.
it also doesn’t mean you have to announce it to the world.
it simply means just knowing this is who you am and what you like.
should not be complicated,
plus it allows you to not be so fuckin’ messy round dese parts.
how does one,
who is gay/bi but raised in the church,
fully try to accept himself and cast out everything he was taught?
corinthricleslations 123: 64 says:
thou shall not be anything BUT straight.
or you go to hell.
plain and simple.
well this morning i got an interesting phone call to test that theory…
star fox’s mother gave a minister from our old church my number.
like, didn’t even ask me if it was okay.
he was calling to see how i was doing since star fox passed.
well it went from “catch up” to “what the fuck?” real quick.
“star fox’s mother told me about what he was doing in the lifestyle.”
“oh really?”
“yes.
she was really hurt he never came to her…
or even me about it.”
“oh what would you have done?
throw holy water on him?”
“well i know what its like to be in the struggle.
i’ve been struggling with it for a very long time.
i was molested at a very young age and I’ve been fighting the demons ever since.”
“oh wow.”
“yeah.
sometimes i ask god why did he let this happen?
why am i in this situation?
maybe it was a curse handed down from my family.”
“well why don’t you just be and stop trying to fight it?”
that’s when the conversation got quiet.
so then i said:
“i feel like you’re way too old to be fighting sexuality.”
i could hear him struggle to laugh.
“i could fight you for that comment.
ya know,
my therapist said the same.
i just don’t want to.
that’s not how i was raised.
plus i might get into that lifestyle and completely lose my mind.”
“you can if you allow it.”
very awkward,
but i could see why he wouldn’t be so eager to jump in head first.
he is in his 50s,
raised in the church,
and from another generation.
“are you?”
“yup.”
“are you out?”
“nope.”
“what kind of men are you attracted to?”
“i like masculine men.”
“can i share something with you?”
“sure.”
“i always found you to be attractive…”
*record skip*
yeah, nope.
“that” is NOT happening.
like, ever.
“well thank you.”
“its funny i know men who are gay and older.
they just don’t care anymore.
telling me they living their lives and not worried if they catch hiv.”
“they are messy senior citizens.”
“i had someone invite me over his house before.
i turned him down.
what if i liked him and became his bitch?
what do i look like being someone’s bitch?”
“what?
you will have a partner.
this is not jail.”
“you teaching me new words i didn’t even know…”
“i feel like you are making it into something scary.
its not.
its a simple thing you can do privately or not.
it doesn’t need to be this big fuckin’ deal.”
yes.
i cursed at the minister.
what was he gonna do?
make me write lines at sunday school?
anyway the conversation went all over the place.
it went from him being sexually attracted to chris brown,
what he looks for in a vixen,
and then trying to end the convo with him talking about star fox memories.
after i got off the phone,
i kinda felt sorry for him.
okay all the way felt sorry.
he is trapped in his own mind.
a place where a black book determines who is he.
not the “good kind” of black book either.
after that convo,
i had to seriously wonder…
Religion is for people afraid of hell.
Spirituality is for people who have already been to hell.
Too many people are in the cult of Christianity, instead of the practicing the religion of Christianity, or simply following Christ.
Why else would a grown ass man be in bondage if the truth is supposed to set him free?
That is the test isn’t it? If it is the truth, it is freeing. That’s with any belief system or faith.
Christians who worry or are filled with anxiety are confusing–what about the evidence of things not seen? Everything that happens in life is for your specific greater good even though it might not make sense to you while you are going through it, so why be conflicted, have doubts, if it all works out in the end?
If it is true, why are you in bondage?
So you’ve been brainwashed, well start the brain rinse and get on with life.
Do you wanna been 50ish talking about your man crushes on a 20ish year old? Does that even sound attractive?
Always interesting conversing with closeted men, the longer you get to the know them, you begin to understand when they decided to deny themselves completely and send out a representative person–animated camouflage–to cover their shame.
In every religion we notice that the Gods worshiped have the characteristics of man. The God’s or God seems to think like the people he rules when it should be vice versa. God is all spirit. He is innate. God is joy. God is warmth. God is happiness and fulfillment. f your religion is keeping you from living wholly (not holy) than you are doing it wrong. If one’s sexuality doesn’t interfere with how they treat others than why does it matter? The bible does way more harm than good because it supports a caste system that is detrimental to the tolerance of ALL God’s people.
This was probably one of the weirdest story I have ever read on the foxhole. Wow is all I can say, that would have creep me out. When I was a teenager, one of my parents friends who was some type of minister, who was married with kids older than me, talk to me alone at a family function and even then I could tell he was undressing me with his eyes and it creep me out and this convo made me think of him for some reason. I later heard that he was suspect but in those days when you were married you got a pass for being on the DL. Sad that this dude is not able to live his life and will never have happiness only to die miserable, maybe talking to you or maybe he will see this blog and he will try to get a little life back and just live for himself and not his religion.
You handled that whole conversation like a pro, because that was hella awkward.
I believe that people are not in tuned with their own spirituality-their relationship with God that is unique to them. That’s what religion is for, to help guide you, but not to replace an actual relationship that is between you and God. Like Nerd said, the Bible is a book of guidance and even so our translations have been ‘corrupted’ by what the translator felt it said to them. In all, no one is perfect but Jesus so we would all be going to hell. That is why you repent and try to not be a bad person which I personally believe is way more important to God than what another human being judges as wrong. We are all God’s children and we’re supposed to love everyone gay, straight, peaceful little angels or badass Bebe’s kids
Besides 9times out of 10 these so called ‘Bible-thumpers’ get that high and mighty feeling about everyone and don’t even realize that they will conflict with the very thing that they are acting all holier-than-thou about, right in the church walls!
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”-Jesus
quote “the Bible is a book of guidance and even so our translations have been ‘corrupted’ by what the translator felt it said to them.” end quote
That would explain why homosexuality was so looked down upon.One of the posters on this blog said one of the men that translated the bible was bisexual.I could definitely see a conflicted man writing something like that.
Someone had brought up during the Duck Dynasty thing that the bible also has something against men with long hair and women that wear pants.
It’s funny to think about dudes getting down back then.I wonder how they did it.
If he had a wig on during your convo, you definitely pushed it back. Good for you J.!
Ewww that is the biggest turn off. But you know what I can’t stand is when older men talk about their health issues, why they talk about that for?
That minister is struggling, bad. I hope he makes it. I can’t imagine how he must feel. I expected him to talk down on the lifestyle, but he opened up to you, and he probably needed that. He should act on it if it bothers him that bad. He needs to live.
Those bible thumpers kill me. Some even say we are going to hell because we don’t repent, we keep committing the act. I have a solution to that. When I am laying on my death bed and I feel that my eyes are about to close forever, I will repent for all the sinful acts I have committed and I will be heaven. They think I’m going to hell, but I am I moving on up like the Jefferson’s.
I laughed so loud when he said he was attracted to you. I bet that was an awkward moment. Jamari you should go for it, especially if he’s fine. #FirstMan #SeatOnTheFirstPew #HeadOfTheChurchCommittee
^yeaaaaahhhhh no.
his weight and health issues are not attractive to me.
Um… does Starfox mother know she kind of made a hook-up between two dudes?Preacher man is gonna give in at some point.I can tell.I feel bad for him to.He is conflicted like a motherfucker.He should read Immanuel’s blog.I had no idea there was such a thing as late in life gays.I don’t think I could ignore dick for that long.
^i got my phone block ready,
willing,
and available for work zen.
he is really fighting some demons tho.
i personally think he is fighting someone real feminine that wants to emerge.
^you know what?
i should send him over to immanuel’s blog.
i’ll keep that in mind next time i speak with him.
I think what people have to understand is that the bible is a book of guidance. Simply a play book for encouragement and strength. The words in it hold value to strengthen our lives as we live in this war between good and evil. I think that is the biggest misconception.
^agreed nerd.
its supposed to be this good book that makes people so hateful.