i think i might be gay.
i can’t believe i thought that shit…
i’ve always been straight,
doing things with females,
but it’s this one dude tho…
as soon as he comes around,
he does something to me.
that same feeling i have when i’m attracted to girls.
i’ve been around a ton of other dudes before,
but none of them ever made me feel this way.
this dude is different.
he moves different.
he is kinda soft.
i know this dude is gay.
it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t fuck with females.
he dresses real nice,
always smells good,
but those lips…
every time he walks past me,
i can’t help but stare at him.
sometimes he catches me staring too.
i find myself excited to see him.
he is the star of my fantasies.
when i watch porn or i’m fuckin’ a girl,
i always imagine me doing that same shit to him.
Would I fuck him the same way I would a female?
you know what?
i can’t be thinking like this.
it’s not natural.
it’s not how i was raised.
what would my father think?
they would stop speaking to me.
plus this type of shit is a sin,
but i can’t stop thinking about this dude.
when ever he would talk to me,
i started doing the same shit i would do with a female.
i’d fuck up and catch myself flirting so i had pull back.
this dude scares me tho.
for a while,
i’d make sure i wouldn’t look at him when he walked by.
i had to start ignoring him.
it was hard,
but i had to do it.
i couldn’t let this shit take over me anymore.
i been trying to stop jackin off to him but it’s so hard.
it’s like the more i try to ignore him,
the more i’m attracted to him.
i don’t know what this dude is doing to me but i gotta let this go.
i’m not about to be in nothing with no dude.
…but i don’t know.
i just don’t know.
the thought process of a confused male.
that internal battle sounds familiar.
if you’re on the receiving end of his confusion,
don’t take it personal.