The Fight of my Life (Round 2015)

53806_muhammad_ali_nokaut1this is one of my favorite pictures.
its muhammad ali looking at his latest victim,
sonny liston,
like:

sit cho blockhead ass down nugga
uh!

i want this picture framed after ive made it.
hanging right in my townhouse or condo.
in my living room.
every time i look at it,
it will represent the fight of my life.
always winning even if i thought that i lost.
i know the foxhole is always trying to prove ourselves.
its tiring ain’t it?
we put up a good fight tho.
belee dat!
life is funny.
its like we are always fighting.
fighting people.
fighting ourselves.
fighting our circumstances.
some people have it easy.
they don’t even need to step in the ring of life.
they win just off the strength.
others are always sparring.
always training.

the funny thing is…
these battles are always leading you to where you need to be.
that was my day today.
i’m going to start a timeline of how shit went down…

9:00am

when i got to work,
i felt uneasy.
i’ll be honest.
i’ve felt uneasy ever since i bought this new computer.
it was definitely a un-planned purchase.
i didn’t think i would have bought it til spring-ish.
i made sure to set up a nice budget so I can pay it off.
if i can pay 200 every week,
i should be good by the end of february.
btw: my baby has NOT left the apple store to get fixed yet.
just a sidebar.
tumblr_mm4s60n8Xk1s49x9io1_400anyway mr green showed up today.
randomly.
he only shows up when shit is about to hit the fan.
things have been too calm at work.
that scares me.
i felt this darkness loom over me like he was coming for my head.
i don’t know why.
its not like i’ve done anything wrong.
i am actually a great employee.
its just this job makes me feel insecure.
always on guard.
already ready to fight.
although he came over and spoke to me,
and was real cool,
its not like my boss hasn’t made me out to be “the villain” to him.
he use to email me to say “hello”.
those have since stopped.

12:00pm

i was walking through the building and one of the assistants stopped me.
the youngest one.
she is real cool and has a good word of inspiration for me.
she wanted to know how i was doing.
if any boxing matches have popped off with my name in the headline.
i told her what happened on new years eve and other events.
how today fucked my mind completely up.

“jamari i really wish you could find something better.
they do not deserve you.”

“is it me?
i don’t get why i am being treated like this.”

“listen they’re all miserable down there.
you have this very beautiful aura.
evil people don’t like that so they will try to ruin you.
they want you to become them,
but they see they can’t.
if you were a nasty person,
i would not speak to you the way i do.
i can pick up on energy well and you are an amazing person.”

she was right.
that is that “light” people say i have.
its funny how everyone else can say this about me,
but those people i work with try to ruin my reputation.
its funny,
actually hilarious,
that no one comes to me and fact checks.
they pick a side and go on just that.
story of my life.

5:30pm

i left work and stood outside the building.
i had to two options:

go find a nice starbucks in soho,
pull out my computer,
and be amongst the creatives writing

or

go the fuck home because i was freezing

giphy-1i chose option b.
although my spirit did want me to find a starbucks tho.
if it wasn’t so brick,
i would have went.
as i was walking to my crib,
i got a call from the wolf who got fired a few months ago.
he called to tell me that he got a new job.
there was a certain confidence in his voice as he spoke.
he continued to tell me how he is now a supervisor at a smaller company.
life has put him in the position liar liar has now.

“bro i struggled for a minute.
they didn’t want to give me unemployment,
but this job literally fell in my lap.
i’m telling you that once you leave that job,
things will get better.”

tumblr_inline_n2nlq8xAda1rt6qr4liar liar thinks this job is the end all and be all.
the mindframe of someone who is stuck.
i want more out of life.
this is a pit stop.
i just don’t want to feel like i have to fight every day.
i keep wondering if maybe,
just maybe,
thats the way it needs to be to keep me wanting more?
i do.
i want more.
it will happen regardless if i win or lose this round.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

11 thoughts on “The Fight of my Life (Round 2015)

  1. In due time J, in due time. Just keep doing what’s right in spite of, and you’ll know when it’s time to hit them with the knockout punch.

  2. Whew I felt every word in this piece, and I agree with everybody of it. There are times we are put in situations that aren’t great but it’s during those times where our true character comes out.

    There is a light in you , I can tell just from reading your post you’re bright, capable, and nice. These people are seeing that and as the girl said are trying to dim that light or turn it off.

    As for Mr.green I hope he’s not picking sides are letting whatever he hears influences him. I know you just want to tell him everything but if he knows you and your sprit then he should already know something is fishy. People believe what they want to believe no matter how much evidence is in front of them.

    I really hope and prey things get better.

  3. Reading this was making me feel uneasy, but I doubt you will get fired because in my Human Resource class, we’re appraisal form and this n that, and the only way to fire someone is by their performance at work. You can’t simply fire someone because you don’t like them. So as long you mind your business and keep doing the good work. Have you thought about speaking to Mr. Green about any promotions or transfer?

  4. Be patient , the positive changes are going to happen , and when you least expect it. Now correct me if wrong , but judging from your post , you stopped giving that thing you call liar liar so much of you energy. I’m glad to see that. I’m not a frequent poster , Jamari Fox but your blog has been in my life about 3 years now….thank you for allowing me in your world. I’m cheering for you!

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