FOXMAIL
Hey Jamari. Hope all is well. I figure I try this receiving advice thing out. You always have something insightful to say. Would like to get you opinion on this. So here goes:
How did I Turn into the enemy?
I’m a wolf. D.L or discreet wolf if you give me a label. In plain terms a bisexual male. After conversing with a very close friend, something unsettling came up. My friend is an openly homosexual male. Having one of our ever so often “real” conversations he called me “the enemy”, a “guys guy”. My look of confusion must have invoked a explanation. He explain to me that I am the guy that “wants my cake and eat it too”. My friend explained I say I want commitment but do not really want it, end up in different beds “looking” for it and breaks hearts while I look for someone I know is a “dream”. I knew his statement came from a honest place so I did not take offense. This is honestly a very close friend. One of the very few who know the lifestyle I live. I just laughed it off. I denied his accusation and we moved on but it caused me to really reflect.
Am I now the enemy?
I remember when I decided I was going to be honestly with myself at 21 yrs old . I was bisexual and no matter how much I denied it would not not go away. It was not just a phase. And suppressing it was making the urges stronger and me go silently insane. So I decided I owe myself the chance. I told myself that “I rather have one person of substance than many of no value” living this lifestyle change. I wanted one fox or hybrid and just enjoy it, give my best. I said I would not have pointless sex or many partners. I would be as honest with them (as I can be). Not play games. Just give it my all and would not settle. I will just concentrate on that one . I will be in search for that one.
Needless to say I have drifted from my goal. My friend’s statement made me realize something I saw but tried to deny. I’m 23 at the moment and still “in search”. I have done everything I did not want to do. I settled, body count on the raise, pointless sex, meaningless interactions, “talking” to more than one, being honest but withholding information (still lying), playing the game before I get played and now unsure if I want “that one”.
How did this happen?
How did I become the dudes that did me wrong in this process?
The irony.
Am I the only one this happen to?
Is there any turning back?
MY ANSWER…
YOU ARE THE ENEMY!
YOU ARE IN THE WRONG!
YOU ARE A LIAR!
YOU ARE WHATS WRONG WITH WOLVES TODAY!
GOOD NIGHT!
… i’m totally kidding.
in life we all want to strive to be good people.
well some of us.
we want to always be our best and give our all.
well that is what YOU want.
that summabitch called LIFE…
well it has a totally different way things will happen.
it throws all kinds of shit in your way just to fuck with you.
most of the time,
things happen as a test.
you say you want something,
life says:
“gotcha bitch”
you said this is what you wanted at 21.
life gave you tests to see if you would follow that.
of course you failed because everyone looked like someone to conquer,
asses/pussies got fatter and tighter,
and relationships got tested with someone who looked better.
so wolfie of mine,
you are not the enemy.
you aren’t a bad person either.
well not to me anyway.
at least you are being honest unlike these passive aggressive wolf assholes out here.
you’re a human.
a human that is getting all his “fuck you stupid” out his system.
a human that at 21 has a different mind frame by 23.
the issue is if you aren’t learning from all your experiences.
you should be getting wiser,
stronger,
and bolder.
sometimes it takes a few more lessons to get the message tho.
so don’t feel bad.
in times like this,
when im fuckin up (and you read all my fuck ups),
i always remember this quote from carrie bradshaw.
it goes:
“Enjoy yourself.
That’s what your 20s are for.
Your 30s are to learn the lessons
and your 40s are to pay for the drinks.”
just make sure you are putting a condom on that penis,
being completely honest with what you are looking for,
and defining your story on your terms.
you have to tell someone all your adventures,
avoiding hiv or stds,
and finally settling down.
in the game of life and relationships,
no one can accuse you of cheating if you didn’t put all your cards on the table.
hope this helps.
any thoughts from the comments?
NEED ADVICE?
HIT MY ( x CONTACT ).
I’ll get back to you as soon as i can.
I refuse to judge him.
My body count (that I could only give you a range of) would lead most people to judge me as well.
I didn’t come into this shit thinking I’d do half the shit I’ve done, but it is what it is.
Doesn’t make us bad people, just people with a whole lot of experiences to reach from.
Sometimes you come out of it ready for a commitment and other times you realize you only want to commit to yourself. I chose the last one.
Great advice Jamari as always. And some of these comments are on point also. But again I said some. I find it rather funny how people still have room to assume still when the words are above. Great comment though. “Now that you know better so better” good point.
Truer words have not been spoken Jamari ..well done in your response. Hopes he internalize and accept.
This lifestyle will put you in the position of being someone you never wanted to become—more than once.
Are you the enemy? That depends.
The enemy of the foxhole? Not generally speaking. There are foxes out here who play the game exactly as you do.
We call them jackals.
I totally disagree with Jamari. You are a smut; a self-aware smut, but a smut nonethless. Whether you’re 21 or 23, you’re old enough to understand what you’re doing and to obviously know, by your own moral compass, that it’s wrong.
Let’s ask ourselves this.
If said advice seeker was a fox and not a wolf, would the advice be the same?
I’d venture to say it wouldn’t be.
We’d tell the fox to “slow down”. We’d explain to him that his increasing body count diminishes his foxy status and we’d openly chastise him for being the fox “we all hate.”
“Here you are with all these attractive wolves looking to settle down with you and you’re leading them on and breaking their hearts! Making it harder for the rest of us who aren’t that way.” I’ve seen this advice many-a-time on this website.
Realistically, he isn’t much better than the jackals we all look down on. He has a lot more in common with a Peanut than a Samantha Jones. The only difference is rather than holding information for ransom, he’s only these guys’ hearts.
Make no mistake, he’s not telling these guys he’s dealing with that he only wants to fuck. I’ll put down money that he’s selling them a dream; getting them open with his late night phone calls and “Good morning” text messages.
So, are you the enemy? Not for all of us.
For the worthwhile, native fox out here just liking to love and be loved, you’re not the enemy.
You are the devil.
Now that you know better, do better.
Cheers.
You don’t have to run game to fuck most dudes. I’m just saying…
My advice would be to get rid of anything that would drift you away from your goal. Dont settle either! Be realistic, be open, be approachable and get out of the same routine your’e doing. Go to new places you havent been, try doing different activities that isnt counterproductive to your goal. Focus on taking care of yourself, putting “You” first. Buy that pair of shoes you wanted, eat at that expensive restaraunt you’ve always heard about from your friends. And dont feel you need a sidekick to do these things. If your friends want to come thats great, but sometimes friends are cockblockers, lol, so dont be afraid to go out on your own. Your mission is to gain new experiences and in the process you may meet “Him”. You know, “The One”. Make this time all about YOU.
This top sounds like he is making excuses for being a smut.
Really? How is he making excuses? He had a plan when he was 21 and he didn’t live up to it. Just like a lot of us have. Obviously he feels bad that he didn’t live up to his own expectations since he decided to write to Jamari.
I hate when Foxes try to make us Wolves out to be hoes and the bad guys. We have hearts and we want love and commitment just like Foxes. By the way, some Foxes are smuts, but I won’t go into that. I’ll save that for a later day.
Words without action is simply good poetry: moving the conversation forward without really DOING a damn thing.
Saying you want love, but doing everything to the contrary is personally dishonest. You say it because it sounds nice and because it explains away your whorish behavior in the “pursuit” of it. However, it’s about as real as your own ridiculous belief that you actually DESERVE something like it.
Wolves need to start being honest with themselves and the men they are dealing with. Being the one on top doesn’t make you any less culpable in the charade.
The first action to take is admitting your mistakes, that you did, and I commend you for that. However, if you want to control your ways, you have to have the mindset. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with living and having fun, but if you want to slow down you have to want actually want to. Live up to that plan that you have listed above.