I had to wonder:
Have I been reliving the same scene over and over,
just swapping out the cast and locations?

i had a therapy session that felt like an earthquake,
shaking up everything i thought i knew.
it actually began with a good friend last week.
last friday,
i was on the phone with her for over 8 hours.
when the conversation flows,
i go with it.
anyway,
i confessed how i wanted to be colder, less warm.
i’ve always been a warm and kinda-ish bubbly person.
many people are drawn to my warmth but then some have turned cold,
leaving me in a whirlwind of confusion and craving their acceptance.

It felt like a scene from my childhood,
with my parentals as the original cast.

my friend asked me…

i’ve had my doubts about kamala harris in past entries.
she got on my nerves due to her past pandering.
they’ve all gotten my nerves because of that tbh.
i watched her speech yesterday in her first presidential rally…

I had to wonder:
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly being hunted,
as if some unseen predator is always lurking just beyond the shadows?

in the animal kingdom,
every creature has a predator that hunts them.
they either learn or are gifted the skills to survive.
even the weakest animals have been given speed.
in the human jungle,
especially now,
we’re all being hunted by something in our backgrounds.
each one of us has our own cross to bear and i call it…

when i was younger,
after losing her apartment,
my mother and i had to move into my sister’s aunt’s house with my step father.
Foxhole,
that house was an absolute nightmare.
it was like a horror movie set in slow motion.
her aunts had given up on life and…

Don’t you ever get tired of dealing with people’s shady bullshit?

this morning,
i found myself headed dangerously close on the edge of sanity,
ready to go nuclear over someone’s latest nonsense.
someone i already know to be a certain way but hoping for a different outcome.
my bad.
in life,
we are going to face all kinds of abusive assholes.
i’ve always liked an asshole up front where i can see them.
i hate the ones who throws stones and hides behind a mask of innocence.
thankfully,
a dear friend pulled me back from the brink with a simple yet profound truth…

there is light within the darkness if you really look for it.
it’s no secret i’ve expressed that these past few years have broken me.
i feel like i’ve had to be broken into a thoughts pieces to put myself back together.
this time,
i get to do it in my liking and not what others may accept of me.
this morning,
i had a thought about the people who’ve slipped away from my life.
those i was once close to,
or those i hoped to reconnect with,
but it never happened.
a random thought downloaded into my spirit this morning.
i felt the urge to text a good friend what i felt and i wanted to share it here…