I don’t know what next year around this time will look like for me.

maybe i’ll have finally made it.
i’ll be hosting a friends-giving that i could afford to cater.
i would have moved to a new spot where the new yawk skyline is in plain view.
that night,
in-front of that view,
i’ll be on my knees thanking my manz for being so amazing.
the next day,
i’ll be catching all the black friday sales like a pokemon trainer.
either that or i’ll be with karaoke’s family in alabama again.
that is what i really wanted to do this year but i couldn’t afford it.
after all the bullshit of these last two years…

Will the third time be the lucky charm?

this year tho,
it was spent in solitude.
the questions i was asking myself…

Will I still be in your apartment?
Will I be homeless?
Will I be living somewhere else than New Yawk?
Will I be alive?

these questions continue to linger like unwelcome guests in my mind.
my anxiety has been on 2000 and my depression is on high.
that is how i spent my day of gratitude on thursday.
at least for today,
i have quieted my mind long enough to see that i’m still standing.
in my corner are good friends and an amazing community of Foxholers,
those who make it known and in the shadows.
beyond that?

at the moment…

I’m just floating in the uncertainty of the unknown.

i’m hoping for the best while expecting the worst.

lowkey: i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving.