you aren’t ready for love.
i’m not either.
not the way some of us carrying on.
myself included.
we have these fantasies of our perfect “potentials and prototypes”.
i post about them ever so often.
he looks like what we want to feel like on the inside.
we think because is so handsome,
and that his bawdy is together,
that he will the key to activating what we are missing inside.
hell a majority of them are worse off mentally and emotionally than us.
well i had a lot of thoughts about it last night.
i had to wonder if i haven’t found a wolf because i’m not ready for one?
lets say i got that crush from my job,
or anyone of the crushes from my past,
and he fucked me completely stupid and never called me again,
would i REALLY be able to handle that?
probably not.
not where i am right now in life.
have i been looking for someone to love me,
to see the beauty in me,
rather than me learning to truly love myself?
i had to wonder…
Can a “potential” teach you how to love yourself?
you know i can admit my flaws.
i am very hard on myself.
i think i got it from my parents like i have said many times.
star fox tried to teach me how to relax and go with the flow.
i also have this need to be in control at all times.
when i feel i am not in control,
i do not handle it very well.
one of the reason i never really enjoyed smoking weed.
you have to let it control you in order for you to enjoy it.
if not,
you will be a paranoid mess hearing phones and shit.
so i get stressed.
i start to shut down as soon as the clouds come.
that leads to all the emotional drama that follows.
good entries,
but i’m tired.
i’m tired of feeling like i am at war with myself.
the enemy has set a ton of traps
and i think i’ve fallen into everyone of them.
i’m grateful for this site i can vent.
in real life,
i try to keep a poker face.
okay,
its a mean face,
but i’m seeing the error in that.
i’ve been mesmerized by the “bitches” and “hoes” of life.
you know the popular phrase online:
“THESE HOES BE WINNING”
..and that starts to fuck with you.
you think that you have to be this mean faced thot to get respect out here.
sure they can get a wolf,
but once he conquers the “bitch” and breaks her down,
they become destroyed like everyone else.
it looks like they are winning,
but life usually hands them the gut punch to take them out.
its okay to be aggressive and even be a little stern with your feelings.
don’t hesitate to pull out your inner (he)bitch when someone violates.
its fine.
i’m learning that its only for that moment.
there is no reason to be a raging bitch because its monday.
there is also no reason to be a raging bitch to people you don’t know.
many of “us” in this life have this habit of just being mean for no reason.
well let me ask…
where has that gotten you so far?
uh huh.
i took a long look at myself,
my past,
and how i have handled things emotionally.
i’m sorta disgusted.
it made me sick to my stomach last night.
i’ve been so angry at my circumstances,
at people who have hurt me,
that my energy has probably repelled people who have been interested.
dress nice,
smell nice
look good,
and looking like a villian in a disney movie.
no one wants to be around that too long.
the common denominator may just be “me”.
can you admit that for yourself as well?
i like to think i’m a good person with great qualities to offer a wolf,
but my own walls have been sabotaging anyone from trying to enter.
my demons have been the guardians at the gate.
so maybe its time to turn the mirror towards ourselves for once.
nothing worse than meeting the “potential” of your dreams…
…and scare him away.
thats us on the right in the red.
something in our lives has us “here”.
“here” hasn’t brought up a date or the life we deserve,
so if you looked at your life and whats missing…
I think people can feel brokenness, intuitively and that can repel a lot of blessings. You may attract a few “potentials” but no one lasting. I think when you truly fall in love with yourself, you emit and attract a different energy. One that others will easily fall in love with too.
Well at least you’re introspective enough to have that revelation.
If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result then these dudes in biweekly relationships and on jackd and in the clubs faithfully every weekend are insane!
I firmly believe if you haven’t developed the depth to love unconditionally, you’re not ready for someone special.
So I can’t say I feel sorry for those who say they’re looking for a relationship when they’re choosing them based on nude pics and what they have.
I know my faults I push people away. I’m not actively seeking a relationship though.
^you brought up a really interesting point tho jay.
a VERY interesting point…
I’ll touch on it when I formulate my thoughts for an entry!
Omg I feel like you are in my head. I feel the same way. I hope and pray that you release whatever is blocking you and find your true happiness. At, least I’m not alone in this. Thank you. God bless u. Keep your head up and push f orward
I know for a fact that I have blocked my own blessing when it comes to love. I’ve been shy and not wanting to step out of my comfort zone and it’s really made me scared to even go after guys. Every guy I have been with came after me because of this problem.
^i can wholeheartedly agree with this.
do you often wonder if you were at the highest peak of your mountain,
that place were you have absolutely no insecurities,
where would you be in life?
I’ve wondered that for sure, it’s hard to know at times I’m the one holding myself back.
Yea, a potential can show you how to love yourself because they see good qualities that you fail to notice, and it is a wonderful feeling not to just be valued, but to be respected as well. People have to check their attitudes and stop being guarded and allowing the right people in, and stop entertaining the ones who are suspect.
^hmm good one man.
so should we all wait to love ourselves,
Or find someone who will allow us to see what we are missing?
It would be heather to love yourself first. Even though someone else can show you how to, you will be giving them a challenge.
^okay this was def thought provoking
I totally agree with @The Man.