i learned something today.
at my last job,
i thought i had found life long friends there.
this was the first job i felt connected to so many folks.
creative black folks.
after i was let go,
many promised to still be there but as the months went on,
i noticed that started to change.
folks that once would hit me up every day suddenly stopped.
it made me question what happened?
did i do something wrong?
a co-worker/friend hit me up to check in on me.
i disabled my personal social media and i noticed that no one,
besides my current circle,
checked in on me until now.
i asked her if i did something wrong to incite such distance.
all this time,
i thought i was actually close to those folks,
i might have been a stand-in.
was all the after-work events,
private group chats,
and the “no one is/was like you” meant nothing?
here i am,
allowing them to live rent-free in my head and i been ejected from theirs.
it seems i learned where i stood with countless people this year too.
all just wow.
what i learned is that:
a) that made me feel even more lonely than how i was feeling.
b) even tho i was active on my personal account,
it still really meant nothing.
c) i might be forgettable.
i’m always someone who comes in to save the day,
but i’m never remembered once i’m gone.
even though it was a job,
it felt different.
it makes me feel like people use me and throw me away like trash.
same with wolves.
they pursue and make me feel like i have their full interest,
but in reality,
it turns out that i didn’t mean much to them once i’m not there.
So where do I stand in this world?
Do I mean anything?
this year i have felt so “replaced” that the silence has been loud.
i guess it’s good to know where i stand.
i’m striving to make it very far in my career.
i don’t want to ever feel forgettable ever again.