all i wanted was an iced coffee with an extra espresso shot…

all i wanted was an iced coffee with an extra espresso shot to wake my ass up.
that’s all i wanted this afternoon.
i needed that boost because i’m dragging af today.
so i hopped on my phone and hit uber eats.

What is the equivalent of being “hangry” but in need of coffee?

i order:

large cold brew iced coffee with almond milk,
toasted almond shot,
extra caramel swirl,
the expresso shot for a boost,
and less ice.

also add: warmed coffee cake muffin on the side.

i’m excited even typing that out.
all comes to 14.66.
when the delivery jackal (and ill get into why he is a jackal) pulls the bag out…

I notice it feels OD light for a bag with an iced coffee in it

i open that shit and it’s just a bag in there.
the bag has a breakfast sandwich in there.

no iced coffee with the extra expresso shot.
i call the delivery jackal with the quickness and he comes back.
i thought my shit was still his bag.


he tells me they give him the wrong order,
but he tells me he is gonna get me my right order.

That was close to an hour ago.

so he straight up lied like a fuckin’ asshole.
i got a refund and some random ass sandwich,
but it def wasn’t what i ordered.
so no iced coffee with the espresso shot or a warmed muffin.

Bad enough this weekend was a straight pool party in ny with all this rain.
Bad enough I gotta order this with my own money with credit.
Bad enough the events and movies I had to go to were all canceled.

i hate everything right now.

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4 thoughts on “all i wanted was an iced coffee with an extra espresso shot…

  1. Soon as I saw the bag and the bagel, I said, oop that don’t look like a warm muffin. I stopped ordering from Uber Eats when the drivers kept demanding a $10 tip on top of a $4.99 delivery. Then pick my food up and take it to somebody else house while my food is cold and there’s is fresh. Like I see you passing my house to drop their food off when I ordered first.

    I felt your pain with the wrong order. Then to get your money back and not what you actually used the app for; to get something to eat and drink.

  2. This post reminds me of Christian Walker (the gay conservative guy). He cracks me up ordering starbucks on ig.

    1. ^i don’t want to be one of those folks who goes nuclear over not getting coffee,
      but i felt a rage i never felt before when that asshole didn’t come back with my coffee.

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