mya has a song called “its all about me”.
first album.
the chorus goes:
“its all about me me me me me…
forget about you you you you…”
the song was about her saying she wanted to be pampered by her man that night.
more often than not,
we get into this nasty habit of giving too much of ourselves to everyone.
someone sends a text,
we reply right back.
someone calls and we must pick up on the second or third ring.
someone is horny and we must go fuck them.
we can be way too available.
i’m realizing that is actually bad and needs to killed with fire…
this weekend was an eye opener.
i was looking through some texts yesterday and realized something:
I GIVE WAY TOO MUCH OF MYSELF
from mi and my friends.
i even noticed with work wolf.
he sends a text,
and even tho i may not respond right away,
i definitely see i’m doing way too much “trying to be there”.
i am not selfish enough with myself.
i feel like if i’m not “there”,
then that means i am being a bad friend.
hell a bad person.
people would leave me if i wasn’t there.
when in reality,
i have given a lot of myself.
i have built people up and have been left high and dry.
when i need them,
they don’t know how to help me.
THE SEASON OF SELFISHNESS
get prepared.
have you noticed when you don’t respond back,
or are very involved with your own shit,
people come a lot harder?
wolves especially.
there is a power there you don’t realize.
when you are always available,
people get spoiled by that.
what you don’t realize is it can be very energy draining.
you spend so much time focusing on others,
time goes by and you see you haven’t done shit for yourself.
i can admit that i am operating from a place of lack these days.
it wasn’t always like that.
i tripped up and fell face first in my own:
…with the corn.
look if i wasn’t,
i wouldn’t have:
lost all this weight
be too invested in an unavailable wolf
put up with a fuck shit job
i would be so focused on me and my happiness,
i would probably be in a better place.
well ain’t no time like the present,
right?
i want you to take a look at yourself like i did.
are you too available?
are you giving too much emotionally?
do people chase you and its mutual?
do they answer your calls/texts with the same speed?
or are you always left blowing up a phone to no response or a limited one?
always focus more on YOU first.
YOU are the only answer in this equation.
when people prove themselves they ain’t on the “fuck shit”,
then you can start giving yourself until matched 50/50.
maybe its time you stop giving to much head,
and start having these wolves eat you out?
maybe its time you stop making him a priority when you just an option?
maybe its time to stop being the doormat and start being a little more selfish?
it might be time to leave some people high and dry.
…yes?
lowkey: lets start small.
this will not be easy.
change ain’t easy.
this week,
instead of answering people so fast,
let them wait a while.
you can go as long as you want before you respond.
take that time to do something good for you.
treatin’ yoself or creating a master plan.
hell you could be taking a nap.
time slows down for others when you are doing YOU.
@jamari, always in my head.another mental jewel you just drop. Not a new idea but it’s worth the reminder.thank you
Jamari… Thanks for posting this. I have been feeling the same way. You have forced me to ask myself “WHY?” on all fronts. And a lot of the answers point back to ME… I make the choice to answer to quickly, I make the choice to do this and that… but the bottom line is I am making those choices and its time to make new ones.
Thanks for the wake-up call.
I’ve been there and been the president of the doormats club.
After a while it destroys the self esteem. Took me a long time to learn I deserved respect and attention and loyalty as well.
Guys inherently test limits no matter their relation to you, so it’s important to set those boundaries and stick to them. If you say you’ll drop him like bad habit if he disrespects you, you must do just that or you’ll find yourself in the same cycle.
I don’t give warnings or probation periods anymore. Actions always reveal who a person really is and I take them a face value and keep it moving.
Like I said before, I’m proud to say im a self centered person now. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be everything to everyone else, myself was the last person I thought about.
You see when you make REALLY make yourself the priority, you surround yourself with people that make you a priority as well and then you reciprocate by making them a priority.
^everyone needs to read the comments in here.
everyone dropping knowledge.
i will saw you are the one getting me to this point.
you have helped in many ways.
thank you for opening my eyes jay!
Preach to the choir!
Everything you stated is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. Like why am I bending over backwards for others, when they will not do the same for me when I ask or simply just offer themselves from the kindness of their hearts for me.
This entry has hit me like a ton of bricks today. I have been ever so slowly practicing this approach. I have given way too much to many people, both family and friends and dudes I dealt with as well. I got a new thing, I am doing instead of cutting people completely off, I am putting them on a punishment period. I have had to do this in past couple of weeks with two very good close friends of mine. Both I realize are selfish when it comes to men they deal with. I set up a hang out date with them and some more friends and both of these pineapples left me hanging to hang with some randoms they were chasing behind, mind you it was their idea that I set this up with everybody so we could all hang. So when they no showed instead doing my usual going off, I just got real distant and became unavailable the next weekend when they had nothing to do and wanted to hang out. I went and hung out with my str8 homies and had just as good of time if not more fun. I stop calling and texting like I usually did with both of them and lo and behold this weekend both have been literally begging me to hang out with them. Sometimes people need to see you out of their life to appreciate you in their life. You will literally cry if you realize all the time you have wasted in your life doing things for others who dont appreciate it. It is never too late to buy your ticket to get on the IDGAF train and pay these leeches dust.
^WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like that t.
bad behavior should not be rewarded but punished.
im starting to think people respond better to actions.
i put my phone on do not disturb and will be like that until further notice.
^ Love this tajan. Actions like that send a strong message. Love that approach rather than telling someone off, it shows that they have control over you, but when you get distant from them thats when people realize what the deal is, and that you’re in the driver’s seat.
^Tajan…I like that comment, “sometimes people need to see you out of their life to appreciate you IN their life.”
I had a former associate contact me last week, who made the comment that he knows he fucked up a great friendship but didn’t realize it until being around fakes and phonies so long finally sunk in.
I was like glad you came to that realization, but I’ve moved on. I don’t go backwards…only forward.
Tajan your comment was an eye opener, I so need to do this.
Totally Agree!!!
I decided this a few years ago when it comes to friends and any relationship or interactions that i would have.
I make sure I get what I need before you get what you need.
It needs to be fair for everyone.
I used to get used and treated like crap when I was really nice to people, and still am really nice, but now I have no issue shutting that down once people start thinking i’m some softy who they can walk over.
Not soft, just being generous. Its a choice, and I can CHOOSE to treat you like shit and be one of the meanest people you will ever meet. I choose to be nice to people because I want to be a nice person, but I’m no doormat, I’ll draw the line real thick and make sure you don’t think twice about crossing it or me ever again, or I’m out. It’s about respect. They will learn.
People know me for that, and know I have boundaries, and I get more respect. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down. It works both ways as well, they get the same respect from me so its fair.
I have some friends that dont like being confrontational and they fall into the trap of being treated that way. I’m trying to help them find their voice. It bugs me to see them being taken advantage of for their good hearts and intentions. Its not fair…
DO YOU! Everyone else comes after. Point blank!
S/N: I take like a week to respond to people’s texts lol, but my people know I don’t like texting and calling and stuff so they understand lol!
@Dignified…Damn dude, you are so much like me, it’s scary.
Even down to the phone and texting scenario!! LOL
We have to stick together! Our kind is going extinct! LOL We might be twins!
I’m kind of no nonsense with people. I make my decision quick about people and go off of that. Some people will like you for it, others don’t or are afraid of that. Not my problem.
I think we’ve got this “self” thing down pat! đ rofl
^i has to read this a couple times.
downloading it into my mental hard drive.
Okay Jamari. I am here for this selfish outlook. Where can I sign up for that? I am tired of giving and giving. I know from now on it is time to think of Kareem. This guy I am talking too. He is a good guy. It is just when he drinks he becomes too much.
^then when he drinks,
you need to say “bye bye”.
when he is sober,
you need to say “hello”.
he will start to realize you arent for his “drunk” life.
you have to teach people how to treat you.
I can agree with this. Just don’t wait too long to respond to the wrong ones lol.
^people should know who the right ones are.
even stilll…
the elusiveness can be sexy,
but it needs to be well played.