can i be honest about something?
without being judged?
i know you will judge me.
it’s not like i have any real shame.
i have spoken worse on these internet pages of mine.
ready?
here goes…
every day,
for the last month,
i’ve woken up wanting to die.
okay.
i got it off my chest.
whew.
i can see you judging.
confused and kinda scared too.
well don’t be.
i’m not going to kill myself.
my job has been really taking a toll on me.
emotionally.
physically i never let them see me sweat.
it has me super depressed and just…
stuck.
i get no respect there.
i’ve tried to earn it and i’ve failed.
you can’t try to gain respect when everyone is suckin’ each other off.
so i wanted to speak to mr. green.
i really wanted to ask him how i’ve been doing.
i trust his word.
he doesn’t work in the same building as me,
but he stopped by earlier this week.
i knew that was my chance.
well he told me about an incident that happened between us.
liar liar also included.
something that was all the way false.
so i defended myself.
i also let him know everything ive been experiencing.
it was only fair,
right?
well that was a bad decision.
he told my boss,
which was expected,
and then she wanted to speak to me about it.
well she accused me of trying to create a hostile work environment,
not being a team player,
and having an attitude that as she says “intimidates her”.
um…
her minion does a great job of stirring the spot,
i have always been a team player from the day i got there,
and keeping to myself doesn’t mean i have an attitude.
sure i don’t look as happy around them,
but everyone else gets “happy jamari”.
why is it that THEY can be nasty to me,
but i have to sit and take every inch of it?????
nah homie.
see the issue is i don’t allow her to come at me wrong.
every other person was manipulated and thrown out.
i speak up for myself.
i also bring plenty of,
wait…
…whats the word i’m looking for?
oh yeah:
they all don’t like that very much.
i also realized she is very manipulative like her bestest.
…so the outcome?
almost everyone is distant towards me.
everyone has taken their sides.
its like the roles got reversed.
i’m the bad guy.
one who did nothing wrong!!!!
whatever liar liar told the mailroom wolves worked.
people who use to say “wassup” don’t even talk to me.
people who use to give me “dap” give everyone else.
they have even started hanging with the wolf who just started.
they all went out for drinks tonight.
liar liar was all loud about it so i could hear.
no one invited me at all.
not that i expected it or would want to hang with them.
“wtfff??
why are these people so petty???
for such a good company,
you work with some real fuckin kids.
i couldn’t do it.” – my homegirl via text.
i think everyone in my life knows about this job.
they get daily updates in texts.
sometimes live as shit happens.
its a pretty lonely place at this job.
a place where i see i don’t fit in.
not like i had a lot of friends there,
but it was all good about a week ago.
i just do my job and come home.
i will say i dream so much harder now.
i literally fantasize myself doing what i love.
i even have dreams of being rescued.
they can’t take that away from me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kNzlTyLYvU
Smh our current situations mirror each other so much.
I’m gonna email you soon!
You remind of Anne Hathaway from The Devil Wears Prada. I think you should make a little spending money budget and find some coupons for a spa treatment. And if your job allows you to go on paid vacation then you should definitely go.
Again I’m sorry you are going through this, it just seems to get worse with each passing week. BUT do not give in or up stay strong go in listing to inspirational music to set your mind right before work.
I agree with the others above on maybe you start working out since doing so can release endorphins that make you feel happy. Start with something light like yoga or something.
Also please start quickly looking for a new job you are being wasted there. Don’t show it give them any sigh what’s going on with you keep your head up. Things have got to get better. Praying for you as always hope you feel better.
Man listen, only YOU have the power to change your situation. If you are not happy there then fix your situation or leave. Never give people the power to make your life a living hell. You are too smart to not be enjoying life. Your talent oozes throughout this blog and you deserve much better.
I know what it feels like to work with people you can’t stand or even hate. But honestly I never gave a fuck who liked me in the workplace. I go in, work, get my check and leave. Of course I’ve been tested, people have tried to set me up, etc. but they have never been able to touch me because I do my job, and well. (Like You)
You have a mouth. Why can’t you say hi to people? Ask how they are doing? I would make it a point to speak to that hoe liar liar and your boss everyday. She says you’re intimidating. Show her you’re not. You know what the problem is, now fix it. Make them uncomfortable by appearing friendly. Speak to your other co-workers as well. You’re a grown ass man. Demand your respect and create the environment you want to work in.
How many readers come to your blog each day? You have a way with words that can have any audience eating out of the palm of your hand. Use that shit to your advantage. Fuck cowering to a group of conniving woman. Be the star you are.
pray, hold fast, look for another job, don’t quit nor resign stay until another opportunity arises…also when you get a chance look into some degree programs at college..jamari you are INTELLIGENT and i feel with your skills, wit and tactfulness you’re designed to LEAD, and i feel they notice it too..and TRUST as long as you work good they can’t do NOTHING against you…save EVERY email, text or whatever and if you’re being harassed verbally on a continual basis after today’s incident from whoever and you feel it’s not being handled properly by the higher ups or you feel your job is about to be jeopardized despite your good performance contact the higher ups internally first, if that doesn’t help THEN contact the nyc attorney general http://www.ag.ny.gov/complaint-forms or the union labor board…but make that your VERY VERY VERY LAST resort Jamari..I’m going to pray for you, but look on indeed, monster and etc…and i’ve been there before when your performance is impeccable it’s ALWAYS your OWN who CAN’T DEAL!!! crabs in a barrel i swear!!!
Why do I smell a plot. Just to let you know, I think they are trying to get rid of you. Just by how you tell the story, It sound like they plotted a scenario that you fell in to stir the pot. Let me see, an alliance has been plotted and I think they’re trying to uproot you from your foundation. Jamari you must be doing something right for them to be vengeful. Watch out boy, keep your distance from these people and its alright to be it too yourself. I hope vacation in the future and I know it will do you right. Hang in there!
Jamari, I’m really sorry to read about this latest madness. I was in the run when I saw it earlier and couldn’t respond. I see others have touched upon some of the things I would have said. I’m curious. What vibe did you get from Mr. Green when you told him about things? I can understand his going to your boss at the site, if you shared with him how she treats you and sides with liar, liar. That was appropriate to get to the bottom of things. But, I’d curious as to what he might have said and reacted while with you before confronting your manager.
1. Don’t quit.
2. Do look for another job, as discreetly as possible.
3. Please exercise; you don’t need to join a gym; the physical exertion will keep you sane and help fight the depression.
4. Act your ass off by showing no attitude; you don’t want to give them what she fasely accused you of doing.
5. Husband your funds very well.
If it’s any comfort, know that many of us, no matter what our stations in life, have and are presently dealing with some of the same madness you’re confronting. Don’t think something is wrong with you. The good thing is you’re sharing it; people who don’t are more likely to go postal.
I’m sorry that you’re going through these trials dude. Just remember that you have people in your corner who support and love you. Liar Liar will fall eventually, and when she does it will be a mighty one. I’ll stay and wait just to see it happen.
Damn, Jamari. I hate this is happening to you. I feel like I’ve been through your journey with you from unemployment hell to this.
For whatever reason, once the higher ups form an opinion about you, it’s hard to shake it. Continue to not let them see you sweat. If they do, the “crazy and unstable” label will be applied. Relax. They are not going to fire you without proper documentation. Start worrying when they write you up.
At my last job, we wanted to fire a guy but HR wouldn’t let us without documentation of a coaching, a write up and final warning. Without all of that, you can fight them for unemployment. They do not want to pay you unemployment.
Now is a good time to look for another job, which I’m sure you already are. The best way to get a job is through a referral. DO NOT tell any potential referral that you hate your job. They will act like they’re going to help you; but in the back of their mind, they will wonder if you really are trouble. You are more desirable if you present yourself as having a good job and just entertaining other opportunities.
Last thing, DO NOT resign. It will get better. Hopefully you are not the type of person who gets more depressed as the weather gets colder. Work out and do the mundane things that make you smile (i.e. listening to great music, cooking, church, etc).
put liar liar’s name in your freezer….. no seriously.. do ii!!!! 🙂
Document errrrrythang that happens!!! From conversations to new hires and fires…all that $#!+
This!! Document EVERYTHING. If you have any ‘You’re doing a great job’ emails, forward them to your personal email and print them from your work email. If they ever try to write you up for something, do not sign. Act genuinely confused (but polite) and just write a statement on the paper on what really happened.
Damn man, sorry to hear that all isn’t well. I really hope things get better for you. It must be tough working at a place where you are at odds with your boss and not respected by your co-workers.
You already know my take on the dying part. You are blessed to even have a job in the first place. Imagine of you were still unemployed. You are slowly getting to where you want to be in life, it may not be in your pace, but you can’t rush this things called life.
So sorry to hear this. I really pray that you can leave this situation and go to a better place. Being in a place like this, is definitely not good for your health. Stay strong and don’t let them get to you.
^i dont know what god is doing in my life,
but i find myself praying to him throughout the day to get me through.