when i was younger,
after losing her apartment,
my mother and i had to move into my sister’s aunt’s house with my step father.
Foxhole,
that house was an absolute nightmare.
it was like a horror movie set in slow motion.
her aunts had given up on life and…

Let the roaches and rodents run wild.

i remember vividly going into their kitchen to explore,
opening up one of the cabinets,
and seeing roaches coming in and out between two old boxes of mac ‘n’ cheese.
the two months we stayed there left me scarred,
not just by the critters running wild or the dried mouse poop on the couch i slept on,
but by the nasty attitude of one of her aunts towards my mother.

She landed on my list after that.
Every Cancer keeps a list of those who have wronged us.

i vowed never to stay in that haunted house again but of course,
life has a funny way of testing our promises.
when my mother passed and i lost everything,
i found myself back there because i had no where else to go.
this time,
the roaches were gone but the rodents?
they had free reign like they were paying rent.
one casually climbing up the curtains; another walking through their china cabinet.

even though i was depressed and paranoid every day i was here,
i learned how to adapt.
there were times i was hardly there because i was always working.
if i didn’t have two jobs or other hustles,
i was always out with friends.
i did manage to ride a few wolves on the few occasions the aunts were out.

Sidebar: There was one time I felt bold and had this sexy wolf cum over to “help me with homework”.
I had to muffle my moans as he was fingering me with my homework underneath me.
The good aunt out the two could not contain the googly eyes she was giving him.

She probably hadn’t seen a black wolf that sexy unless he was on TV.

i tried to make the best of it while i lived there.
i bided my time and kept my eyes on the prize.
i left after 8 years.

last week,
my friend was furious for me because of the kitchen situation.
i’ll admit that the first few days were a frustrating mess.
i decided to make the best of it as i learned to do countless times.
my neighbor lent me some duct tape and i went to town sealing things up.

Sure,
cooking last weekend was a challenge with no counter space.
That makeshift sink was a back-breaker.
It is so low i have to bend all the way down to wash dishes.

…but i’ve learned to turn shit into sugar.
life’s punches have taught me to roll directly in them after i flip TF out.

I wasn’t like this when my mother was alive,
because she had trained me to depend on her,
but seeing how far i’ve come in survival makes me proud of myself.