3:44am

i can’t sleep.
i woke up out my tossing and turning randomly,
with the inside of my right ear itching,
and just feeling all around out of it.
not only that,
but the back of my throat feels stuffy.
i have slight chills too.
it feels like i’m coming down with a cold.
not only that,
there is so much on my mind right now.
i started to look for my phone,
which had somehow fallen behind my bed.
when i finally found it,
i saw that i had a deposit hit my checking account.
my unemployment had finally kicked in.
i really needed that money too.
rent is due and i’m running low on groceries.
when i look

249.00

with taxes taken out,
that’s how much i’ll get every week.
tf ima do with 249?
it helped cover rent for this month,
but it won’t cover anything else.
that pay cut at that ain’t shit establishment legit screwed me.
not only that,
i have credit cards sending me reminder messages.

so now i’m up,
wide awake,
and feeling almost sick to my stomach.

you know what would be so good right now?
a testimony.
to look back at this moment and say:

“remember that time i was getting 249 from unemployment?
sheesh!
made it out of that dead end!”

i’m strong.
i’ve made it out of worst.
after my parents died,
i had to hustle super hard to make ends meet.
i’ve been homeless before.
there was times i went to bed hungry af.
i know what struggle looks/feels like.
i know there is a fighting fox in there with experience.
the thing is tho is that i’m a little scared.
like the other times i was scared,
somehow,
a blessing found it’s way into my life.
when i was at my lowest,
something great just “happen”.
i’m asking for that now.
for something to just happen.
a blessing that will turn alla this around.
that would be so good right about now….
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…oh and chocolate.
chocolate would be so good right now too.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “3:44am

  1. Good Morning, Mr. Fox,

    You should look into local food pantries, where food can be discounted or free. Just bring proof of unemployment.

    You could also try tradeafavor.com or http://neighborfavors.com/about and go with your gut and try those out.

    And with credit cards, severely budget. Try to make the minimum payment, so your credit line opens up and save that for emergencies.

  2. That’s a good perspective to have, hard times shape your character. l think God is honestly preparing you to be a Leader. And the hard times are there for you to inspire others, and to show no matter how bad it gets you can make it out alive. Remember he does things on his time, and it will make sense in the end. Keep strong and be patient with yourself, it’s all a process.

    P.S.
    Take advantage of these emotions your feeling, Write a book! It doesn’t have to be anything serious but you eventually are gonna have to write your life story so might as well practice.

  3. Been there, Jamari. In fact, just last year. That $270/week paid the rent but not much else. I am still looking for employment that will give me some benefits, LOL. I have faith that things will work out as they should for you. Keep your head up!

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