we are really abusive and you don’t even realize it.
this current dragging and ghosting culture is a high key sign.
another sign is how we treat others we claim we love.
even if the person is good to us,
or are our biggest cheerleaders,
we will turn around and treat them like stink trash.
that “love” word can be so dangerous in the wrong hands.
it isn’t until they leave,
or they drop dead,
that we recognize their worth and realize just how trash we really are.
Are some of us low-key psychopaths out here?
so i was talking to one of my older cousins on my mother’s side last night…
in the past,
i always felt intimidated to be completely honest to family about my parents.
you know how some family can get?
they’ll ride hard for someone because they’re blood.
with strangers in some cases.if you have a story about abuse or neglect,
they’ll probably turn against you for “the fav” in the family.
she was one of those.
after the recent death in my family,
she has been calling and messaging me more often.
she was the closest to me growing up so she had a front row seat at times.
she’s become really into church so her calls are often mini bible studies.
even though i’m not totally religious,
it has allowed us to bond so i’ll allow it.
the conversation got into growing up and parenting.
i let all the word vomit spill about how my mother treated me.
i really didn’t expect that answer from her.
i was ready for the defense so i could really shut down.
“it’s how she was raised.
my mother was no better.
she would beat me and compare me to the neighbor’s kids.
it really ruined my self esteem.
the way they came was an old school way of tough love.
your grandmother was psychically and emotionally abusive to our mothers,
but she loved them both the same.
that was her way of showing it.
it’s learned behavior and unfortunately,
we got the brunt end of the stick.”
with me being so sensitive and empathic,
it didn’t make me a whole asshole like it would’ve done others.
i ended up becoming nurturing and kind,
but a doormat for that kind of behavior.
i seek approval and yearn for someone to love me.
when someone(s) make me feel left out,
i take it rather hard and blame myself.
in another side,
it has made me tough and resilient.
i ask questions and will fight to the death for what i feel is right.
i’ve seen others turn out the same way,
but end up being bullies who don’t know how or what love is.
if you try to love them,
it’s not a language they understand.
they think you’re up to something so they’ll lash out in defense.
parents have raised some of these jackals and hyenas,
who showed signs in kindergarten or with other kids,
but confused why as adults they’re destroying everything they touch.
it’s no secret that if some males witness their fathers being abusive,
they tend to do the same thing when they grow up.
so does it start with our parents?
the self absorption?
do our parents lay the foundation and life experiences build the rest?
or no matter how some of us were raised…
Are some of us just really that fucked up?