dark.
pitch black.
devoid of light.
that is what this season feels like for me.
hell,
it seems that way for many of us.
i have read your messages to me.
i’ve heard your cries.
hell,
i’ve cried with you.

This season feels like we are in the dark.

…while it seems like others are basking in the light.
the worst part is that you’re asking yourself…

Where are those others?

the friends that were in the dark and they needed your light.
the family you thought would keep you protected in the light.
the peers in your jobs/careers that hired you because of your light.

Where are they?
You see them on socials but they’re not here to just be there.
Why does it feel like they have abandoned us once we weren’t a light anymore?

that is the thing about being in the dark.
it feels really fuckin’ lonely.
it enhances those who are in the light while you cry out for help in the dark.
it makes you feel needy and vulnerable.
it might make you attach yourself to the wrong things or people for comfort.

i’d like to believe that God is working on me while i’m in the dark.
while it feels like people have been sleeping on us since we’re in the dark,
we are actually being restored and healed.
we need to be separated in order for us to truly see the light inside us.
so that when it’s time to shine,
those who are purposely keeping us in the dark will be blinded by our light.

I’d like to believe that God hasn’t given up on us.

the people we thought would be there have,
the jobs we thought would give us security have,
and maybe even our family who share our blood have,
but God is working out something out for us as we sit in this darkness.