when you give power to your flaws,
it can greatly effect your confidence on how you live.
in this life,
we judge confidence based on what your ig looks like or how big your muscles are.
those are usually the most insecure.
well i caught up with my cousin hybrid today.
we haven’t talked in a few weeks,
but we had a full catch up via phone.
the conversation went from star fox (rip) to how to get sexy ass wolves…
we were talking about star fox and how much we both miss him.
i told him how i miss our talks,
especially about wolves and meat.
besides the foxhole,
i don’t have any other male to talk to about the gay life.
so i asked:
“are you messing with anyone?”
“yeah.
i have been meeting a lot of wolves nowadays.”
“oh wow,
are you still doing the hybrid thing?”
he said he liked being a fox better.
“ i have to show you the best sex i had in a while.
it was from this greek model wolf.”
…and the he showed me the picture.
i literally spoke in tongues on the way down.
“he is fine!!!!!!!!
did you feel nervous when you met him?”
“a little.
i was wondering what he wanted with me.
looking at him,
one would assume i wouldn’t be his type.
he had me hollering up in through my apartment.
that is how good he fucked me.
he knows how to fuck.”
again:
now cousin hybrid is darker and his weight fluctuates.
he is handsome,
mysterious,
creative,
and his charisma is through the roof.
we have been in the same room and he will control everyone in it.
it’s the way he knows how to make someone feel comfortable.
it’s either jokes or compliments,
but he has a good spirit.
he started sending me a buffet of some of the wolves he has dated or fucked on a regular basis.
either recently or through the years.
i was blown away.
some could easily be meat for the foxhole.
others were regular wolves,
but they were handsome af.
all the wolves he showed me,
i wouldn’t turn down if they hit me u.
the baller banker hispanic wolf:
“the sex was great,
but he was weird.
he wanted to control me because he has money.
i don’t think so.”
the african wolf he is dealing with now:
“he is okay.
sex is cool.
we have fun together outside of sex.”
his bawdy?
i couldn’t.
he has a “work wolf” situation:
“the only wolf that hurt me out this batch.
i wanted to be with him,
but he said he wasn’t ready.
he went and got with someone else shortly after.”
i felt him.
i’m still krazy gluing my own heart together.
after i was fully moist after seeing all the meat:
“how are you meeting these wolves???
share your secrets???
now!!!”
he laughed.
most were from grindr and tinder.
others were from get together from those he dealt with.
if it didn’t work out,
he was quick to let them go.
“listen…
i will be stressed with how my bawdy can embarrass me sometimes.
i’m too lazy to go the gym,
but i’ll still attract sexy ass wolves to date or fuck.”
he just doesn’t give a fuck.
he says he doesn’t give power to things he doesn’t care to control.
i told him i’m ready to date again.
i miss meeting wolves.
i miss having a story or getting my back blown out.
he encouraged me to keep working on myself before i do that again.
“if you gonna be out here meeting wolves,
you gotta be 100% in control of you.
when i meet a wolf,
he comes to me with confidence and i return it.
i’m also upfront with what i want.
if i want to fuck,
i let him know.
if i want a relationship and he wants to fuck,
i don’t continue the communication.
i don’t lower my standards either.”
well it’s working for cousin hybrid.
star fox was also on the same wave and he was good.
hell,
when i use to be on some “whatever” shit,
i was the same too.
i got hurt and let life beat me down,
but i’m almost ready.
The only advice I would give to you: Give yourself permission to have fun and enjoy life. I hope that I am not out of line for saying that.
^not at all rk!
after losing star fox,
that hiv scare,
and other little issues…
i fell deep into a temporary depression.
as of late,
im in a better place and feeling happier.
i let go of a lot of things as of late.
im trying to only depend on me for my happiness rather than looking for validation in hopeless places.
That is the key isn’t it: You’re in charge of your own happiness.
Jamari how did your cousin meet wolves on tindr ? I thought that was just for the straights?
^he said he met a dude or two on tinder.
i don’t know how tinder works,
but i’ll ask him if they were dl or not.
I remembered you mentioning your cuz before, sounds like he doing good and doing what works from him. Reading this post gives me hope that I can get back into the swing of things.
P.S. Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading your blog for so long but I instantly understood your use of the word “darker” to showcase the inner racism in the black gay community and not as shade.
^thank you mikey!
i had to read it again to see if i was being insensitive.
im just very descriptive im describing someone in my entries.
after talking to him,
im actually excited to start dating again.
by taking a step back to work on myself,
this dating world maybe a whole new experience.
no star fox to guide me anymore.
just myself and the foxhole.
Hmmmm…what did you mean he is “darker”?
^he is dark skin.
It almost came across like you were saying that’s a strike against him.
I’m not trying to come for you; I love your blog man, but that sentence rubbed me the wrong way lol
well he is dark skin so…
in the gay community,
that is usually a strike.
hell,
in the black community,
its an issue too.
on my blog,
it’s never an issue.
no offense lh,
but don’t look issues when there isn’t anyway.
Your wording wasn’t clear which is why I asked the question. The vast majority of the black community is color struck and self-hating, so I’m not inclined to assume that a comment like that didn’t have a different meaning. Clearly I was wrong and I stand corrected.
However, I was rather disappointed with the snippiness of your response; you usually respond much better to criticism leveled at you.
Sounds like he’s doing what works for him. Great for him.
^i hope to get his kind of luck soon.