the fall off the mountain is the real bummer

a.

she came here to make it from down south.
actually,
she came up here to help her triflin ass family from what i remember.
we met at my past job and we clicked instantly.
after all she did for her triflin ass family,
they kicked her out and she was homeless.
her baby daddy wasn’t shit either.
she tried to live at him,
but it was hell.
she ended up having to go to a homeless shelter,
where someone stole most of her stuff one day.
i remember having to console her because she was crying uncontrollably.

“it’s not fair.”

that’s all i remember her saying as she weeped.
she was determined to make “new yawk” work with her baby tho.
i told her don’t stay here to suffer.
we lost touch after leaving that job,
but we recently re-connected.
i just looked at her socials

…and she is so happy.
she moved back home and everything seems to be working out.
her baby is doing well in school,
she has her own apartment,
and she’s taking college courses now.
when i look at her face,
i cannot believe that’s the same vixen.

b.

three years ago,
my home-vixen moved in with her “ain’t shit” wolf.
after the honey moon stage wore off,
he started becoming really abusive towards her.
last year,
he admitted he found someone else and wanted her out.
her home state was back here in new yawk.
she was devastated because she was trying to make it work there.
not only that,
she just got a higher paying position the week before.
she had no savings,
he didn’t let her meet new people,
and was basically alone.
she had no choice but to leave.
she was bawling and begging him to stay,
but he was being a complete asshole.

today,
she’s working and is making a ton more money back here.
she’s looking into moving into a new crib by herself.
she started dating and putting herself back out there.
when i look at her,
she looks like she got a whole plastic surgery.
the beaten down vixen has new life within her too.

me.

you know what i been through.
when i look through my photo album today,
and see my pics from 2 years ago,
i often don’t know who that is.
everything was written on my face and in my eyes.
after dealing with:

the stressful job
mi
work wolf
barely scraping by

…and i look at me now,
i look like i got brand new life within me.
i feel like a whole new fox these days.
i still get depressed at times,
but i don’t look like death warmed over either.
i’m here to font to you that it’s okay to have to take a few steps back.
starting over isn’t fun,
but sometimes it helps for your progress.
i’m glad to all those who told me “bye” or stopped fuckin with me.
the jobs that chose someone else over my hard work.
all the trash took itself out.
it’s scary af because the idea of starting over sucks,
but when you’re humbled enough to look back,
you realize how thankful you are for it.
i know so much people who fell from grace,
and had to start over,
but i’ve learned that’s just life.
what you think might be for you really isn’t.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “the fall off the mountain is the real bummer

  1. You know I was looking at all my pictures from facebook and the last time I genuinely smiled in photos was high school! Everything since is forced or me looking aloof.

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