the cost of being called out about something you should already know

i don’t like to think i know everything.
Lord knows i’m a virgin at a lot of things,
but i like to learn new shit to help me improve.
even if i’m called out and gotta look foolish.
so a few weeks ago,
i went out with my home vixen to a nice happy hour spot.
i wanted some fries and i asked the waitress…

“how much does it cost?”

she didn’t know off hand,
but she gave me a ballpark figure.
after she left,
my home vixen told me to never ask your server how much something costs.

“always ask to see the menu.
it looks real poor when you do that.
if you going to any restaurant,
and you’re on a budget,
ask to see what they got on their menu.”

i was a little embarrassed,
but it takes a real friend to pull you to the side.
okay cool.
i went out with the pretty vixen and we we went to an expensive store.
we were looking at some nice furniture and once piece didn’t have a price tag.
i should have known better.
i asked how much it cost and was told it was “2,000.00”.
should ‘ve known better.
later on in our outing,
i mentioned the conversation i had with my other home-vixen.

i was gonna tell you about what happened in the store.
never ask how much things cost if you aren’t planning on making a purchase.
when you go in a store and don’t see a price tag,
you should already assume it costs some money.
you know those types who go into places and are like:


it is the equivalent of that.”

i told her how embarrassed i was again.
i was internally beating myself up because i should know this shit.

“don’t be embarrassed.
it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
just don’t do it again.
it’s better to say you didn’t know something and lerarn how to correct it.
i went out with a wolf who told me he never ordered steak from a restaurant before.
he asked me to cut his steak because he was clueless on how to do it.”

so the pretty vixen schooled me on how to handle this.
i wanted to share with the foxhole.

“when you go into a store and you don’t see a price tag on something,
try to find it.
if you can’t find it,
ask the sales person:

‘how much does something like this go for?’.

when you go to a restaurant,
always have an idea of how much you are going to spend.
you know a mixed drink is around 15-20 dollars in new yawk.
depending on the restaurant,
highest to lowest,
a plate can be about 20 to 30 (lowest).
always go to the restaurant website and get an idea of cost.
if you can’t afford it,
don’t go.
if you go to a restaurant and there NO PRICE on the menu,
in you head,
you should know you’ll be spending 100 to 200 on your meal.”

i felt stupid because i hold her opinion to such a high regard,
but i’m glad i was pulled to the side.
i asked her how did she learn this:

“i watched people who are wealthy and how they act/speak.
they don’t ask cost because they already know by research beforehand.
if they want to know something,
they don’t ask in a direct way.
it’s all in the language.
to be honest,
it’s a class system.”

good to know and will do better going forward.
i had to ask the foxhole…

Did you know this already?

i was out here looking like a dumb ass.

12 thoughts on “the cost of being called out about something you should already know

  1. Bougie people disgust me. And this is coming from someone who’s been accused of “talking White”, gets the attention of Snow Queens and apparently intimdates people because they think I’m wealthy.

    I talk the way I do, because I enjoy books more than I do, other people.

    Not everyone was raised in an upper crust Susie and Billy neighborhood.

    “Can’t take you nowhere” is code for, “You embarrassed me in front of those Non-Black people”.

    I will NEVER tell someone to not be themselves or be embarrassed of them.

    I’d be embarrassed by someone wearing Beats Michel’le headphones around their neck but blasting music in public.

    I’d be embarrassed by someone who was sloppy drunk.

    I’d be embarrassed by someone shoving a pan of food into their purse(You offer to help clean up and wait for them to say they have too much food and would you mind taking some home. Be subtle)

    English is an ugly language.

    Speaking it is nothing magical.

    A real friend corrects you privately and that’s that. Whether its conversate not being a word or pronouncing a Foreign brand wrong,

    I’ve stopped making White people comfortable. I am Blackity Black and that is why you requested my presence.

    You have never seen such magnificent skin and wanted some color in the boring portrait that is your life.

    I remember that raggedy waitress trying to make him buy everything expensive on the menu in Atlanta.

    If people give me an “You can’t afford to be here” vibe, I leave.

    Give your money to establishments who respect you and time to people who realize everyone has different life experiences.

    Being classless is not washing your hands after using the restroom.

    Being classless is immediately asking how someone died instead of giving condolences. Doesn’t matter how. Help them grieve.

    Being classless is being around people to make fun of them behind their back because you’re higher up on the ladder.

    But ladders aren’t foundations. Gravity WILL have its day.

  2. I’m sorry, Jamari, but your two female friends sound like they are faux bougie, and I hope you aren’t taking what they say as the gospel. I have a JD and make pretty good money, but most importantly, I’m around folks who have bank, too. And let me just say, I’ve see rich white people not only inquire about cost but then start to barter as if they were in a flee market. There was no shame in their game, either. This type of advice to me seems counterproductive and a waste of time. I’m surprised you don’t have social anxiety with all of these unspoken rules. I actually got sad reading this post because I could just picture the 2 (black) women telling you, a black man, the rules of the game, and all 3 don’t know the rules of the game. That’s not shade, either.

    1. ^This! Don’t ask the price is a rule for people who dont think they belong in the store. It’s like saying, “Dont draw attention to yourself and they might let you stay.” F-that!! If I’m a customer and the price isn’t clear, Im clearing that up immediately and directly. My grandparents couldn’t do that and tried to make their shame a virtue. I’ll be damned if I will defer to someone who wants my money any more than the white boys do! I prefer “Act like you own the place.” to “Dont let them see how little money you have.”

  3. I’d probably ask. I mean idk where these ideals be coming from but there’s no harm in asking. I’m a true southern dude (from the real deep south) and down here we ASK. If you don’t know, you ask.

    A waitress is a woman that is hired to serve customers. Part of her job is supposed to be knowing what’s on the menu but I get that places vary. On one hand I’m like, how can you provide service when you don’t know your own goods but on the other hand, I’m like…ahh who gives af. Pass me the menu

    I’ve ran across a few waitresses who don’t know their stuff and I held it as a strike against them at that moment but I’m also not a butthole and Im still nice enough to tip regardless.

    I rarely go to restraunts these days. I prefer to cook my own food at home.

    All my proceeds should be set up to go to charities and people of need and not to a bunch of bougie baffons who don’t know their place in the Universe.

    I’ve never been a big spender anyway. The most I’ve spent is $135 for a pasta and spaghetti meal from some restaurant downtown I didn’t care to ask about like I normally did. It was between three people and was pretty damn good so the price was fair. I almost slapped the cook it was so good. That damn Alfredo and toasted garlic.

    But now I be trying to make my own shyt. Let me tell you about friend okra in grapeseed oil breaded with quiona powder, kale and baked catfish seasoned with salt and msg free Ms Dash Chipotle seasoning…and blend strawberries, seedless grapes and blueberries in that blender for a healthy shake.

    Who ready to slap somebody?

    Most of the stuff I try to eat now is on the healthy plane but I be sneakin in some bad stuff too. Ate almost a whole thang full of cookies once and they were the soft kind with m&Ms….Baby when I tell you Little Debbie became Big Deobrah that day.

    Also, dudes love it when you cook your own stuff. You feed em once and they be looking all satisfied like they aint ate in centuries. Looking all starry eyed and be coming round talking bout “When you gon cook for me again?”

    Ugh sir. You ain’t got no maids, butlers and housewives up in here. Go make you a turkey sandwich….I’m trying to watch the new season of Insecure.

  4. Learned a lot of of good tips from this post and the comments! I’m with Tajan on this one.

  5. This must be a New York thing, because unless you are filthy rich, no one has extra money in this tough economy, I will ask how much something cost in a minute. I could care less about a server in a fancy or not so fancy spot because they are not making any money on their salary, they are going to rely on your tips. So many times people in these stores look down upon you and make you feel a certain way and their asses are broker than you. I am too down to earth for that type of BS and these people dont know me and they can judge all they want, because I am like you are just a retail Bonnie so who are you.

    I went to a fancy furniture store to look for a sofa for my home and I thought I was out of my league but just wanted to look, so I was honest and up front with the sales lady, she was Black so I know that helped, but I told her I was on a budget and probably could not afford anything in here and she was so cool and helpful and actually convinced me to make a purchased which only fell a few hundred dollars out of my budget and that was only because I chose to get an warranty. When it comes to my money, I dont play. Before I go to any new spot, I google it to see the prices and know what I am going to get, but I will ask prices. I can do things in a joking manner and always tell the server if it expensive, that is going to cut into your tip and they smile and end up being real cool about it. In a furniture store you can always say, I am trying to get the best deal for my money so I am comparing different stores and tell them a made up budget if you do not see a price because you want to get an idea.

    You work hard for your money and no one should make you feel shame for wanting to spend it wisely.

    1. Look, you must be from the south too because I feel the same way and I grew up going to fancy restaurants. 🤷🏾‍♂️

      Now I would probably look at the menu or price tag before asking, but if there’s no price and I want it I’m going to ask and it doesn’t mean I can’t afford it!

      Fuck I look like worried about what a waiter that relies on MY tips or a salesperson that relies on sales commission from MY purchase thinks about me? That’s not to say I look down on them, but shit, I’m the customer!

      I’ve been around enough wealthy people to know they don’t automatically throw everything in the bag. They only pay what they feel something is worth, otherwise they’ll try to haggle with you about the price of decline to purchase just like your average person.

      I do agree about knowing what the price ranges are before you visit a store or restaurant though.

      1. @Jay…I know that’s right! And the rich ones are the cheapest mofos!
        ALWAYS trying to haggle/finagle prices! LOL
        Yhe ones throwing money around without questioning prices…they’re trying to show off, and don’t really have the money. They’re wannabe/posers.

  6. There was a college professor I had the pleasure of learning from who use to drill this into our heads. There are a lot of people who have no clue about this. Don’t feel embarrassed at all!

    1. @Chris…I had a professor like that as well. Once of my business professors actually. She was bougie as fuck, but she taught us a few things, that I conveniently forgot. Lol

      If I have a question about something, I’m going to ask said question, whether it’s the price of something, a location, or whatever.

      Yeah, if I go somewhere I like to look it up beforehand, just to get an idea….but you should never try to change who you are for ANYONE. If they can’t accept you the way you are, oh well. I know we all have that friend you dread to take places…but there are times that person with no fucks to give comes in handy! LOL

      It reminds me of the time we went out to some fancy restaurant on the East side with some ex-friends of mine. When they put the plate in front of me, and it had maybe 4 or 5 items on the plate, TINY items at that, with all this design BS…I conveniently asked the waiter, where’s the rest?! They all had their hands up like don’t say anything.

      Yo, needless to say I was heated as fuck…and hungry as hell. we passed a Wendy’s on the way back to Penn Station. Man, I literally ran to that Wendy’s when I saw the sign. You want my money…I’m asking questions. I can “act white” as my friends and family like to say…only when the occasion calls for it though.

      J, you have nothing to be ashamed/embarrassed about!

      1. ^LMAO!!
        i feel you tho.
        i went to a restaurant a while back and ordered this salmon joint.
        yo when the waiter bought the food,
        i was like where is the rest?!
        it was skimpy af.

        i will admit when i asked how much something cost,
        it’s because my pockets were looking a little thin.
        this is why i don’t go a lot of places because i know i can’t afford it.
        when i got the money,
        i don’t think i ever ask for a price.

    2. ^see im glad i have people in my life who don’t turn up their nose at me when i make a mistake.
      friends and foxhole.
      sometimes we simply don’t know things and need to be taught the correct way.

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