so i woke up thursday morning wanting to call out.
i always want to call out.
i knew i couldn’t because i had that event to go to.
this job drains me.
i was actually dreading working a full day and then doing an event that night.
even though i was over it and tired af,
i still got up and went in.
as i was walking into work,
i got a phone call that made me cry all the way there.
so let’s rewind back…

so like two years ago,
i met this older vixen who came to interview for a position in my department.
at the time,
my old she-hyena boss was working there.
liar liar was out of the office so she asked me to assist.
when i got the vixen from the lobby,
i could tell she was nervous,
but i brought her over to my section and made small talk.
i didn’t do anything in particular than i don’t do with others.
we just talked and tried to keep her feeling positive.
i don’t even remember what i said or did.
i remember that due to her age,
she didn’t feel as confident.
fuck that!
go in there and do what needs to be done.

after her interview,
we exchanged numbers and i told her to keep in touch.
when she left,
my she-hyena boss said she wasn’t going to hire her.

“she is too nice.
they would eat her alive in here.”

i tried to convince her why she would be a good fit.
wasn’t happening.
well when i spoke to the older vixen that weekend,
i told her what my she-hyena boss said.
she felt down,
but i also told her she wouldn’t want to work for her anyway.
i also gave her a few agencies i worked for to help her get a job.
she was so grateful.
she also told me how i have a “light” and to always be the fox that i am.
we stayed in contact for a little after that,
but we fell off due to everything i experienced after.

randomly the other day,
i thought about her.
i was wondering how she was,
but it seeemd the universe was foreshadowing.
in a nutshell,
she wanted to know how i was doing and how she really wanted to work with me.
i was honest with her.
i told everything about her how terrible my job is.
she could hear the sadness in my voice.

“you don’t sound like how you did when we first met.”

she said they are trying to take my “light away and not to let them.
then she said:

“jamari.
i have always thought about you since i met you.
you were so nice to me and you just don’t know what you did for me that day.
i was telling my husband what a wonderful person you are.
it wasn’t what you said,
but it was how you made me feel…”

…and then she started to cry!!!!
she was legit crying on the phone at 8am.

i had to stop on the side walk because tears were falling down my cheeks.
i have been dealing with so much this 2016 that i was feeling so defeated.
God must have had her call me to boost my spirits.
she did for me what i did for her when we first met.
the conversation ended with:

“don’t let them dim your light,
you hear me?”

i won’t.

lowkey: this is one of my favorite moments from “gossip girl”,
season 1.
it reminds me of that phone call.
everything serena said to blair while she was at her lowest:

“people don’t tell you who you are.
you tell them.”

one of my favorite quotes i try to live by.