the big unhappy, but we need to stand with each other, family that is the black community

if it came out that george floyd was gay,
had a gay porn past,
and was at the gay club every weekend faithfully:

Would the straight black community be marching and protesting for his death?

would they have burned down whole cities for police brutality?
i can font without a doubt that i couldn’t see it.
call me pessimistic,
but there are layers within the black community that aren’t being confronted.
it’s a similar action to how it is in some of our families.
“don’t talk about it and it’ll go away“.
big mama and nem will fight to get our crackhead cousin clean,
but don’t want to acknowledge they’re on crack at the dinner table.

“I don’t want to hear about your cousin Jean.
Just give him the money and I’ll continue to pray he gets his life together.”

have we discussed how toxic black christianity can be…?
this current climate blew the lid of the segregation within the black community.
folks want to sit down at the cookout table and talk about the issues,
but there are starting to be a few whispers now that things are dying down.
a foxholer sent me these two videos from black gays voicing their concerns…


billy porter (pose) had a lengthy video:


View this post on Instagram


✊????✊????✊???? #blacklivesmatter #blacktranslivesmatter

A post shared by Billy Porter (@theebillyporter) on

sidebar: how can someone be “black lives matter” with a white spouse?
isn’t that another form of “all lives matter”?

what they both said is a discussion.
it’s truth.
one of my gifts and curses is being the rebellious cousin who calls shit out,
but doesn’t want to get involved or be bothered with the fake family image.
i still come around but i’ve dealt with shit within each community.
that helps me to see all sides and understand each view points so i get the complaints.
some black gays have realized they’re the distant cousins as well.
the ones who call to see “who is gonna be there?” before every family gathering.
some don’t want to be bothered with protesting because of how they’re treated.
is that wrong?

It’s no secret how cruel some black straights,
male and female,
can be to black gays and the trans community.

like the straight blacks,
we want to still be desperately included by our oppressors.
the same oppsessors we need to stand beside when a black life matters.
it doesn’t help that some black gays and trans can be very problematic too.

it’s starting to look like everyone is fuckin’ problematic tbh.

while some of our white neighbors are starting to acknowledge their parts,
the black community needs to take accountability in our roles with each other too.
we act like this big happy family that looks good on paper,
but each one of us has been oppressed by one (or more) of our skin-folk.
like a family filled with un-resolved drama and generational curses,
if we don’t acknowledge this,
we will implode.

How can we be in the fight and fighting with each other?

it’s all a mess.
everyone has this “on the low” beef,
but in times of crisis,
we are forced to show up as a family.

When will we actually sit down as this “family” and discuss?

low-key: listen,
i worked at a black company and faced worst abuse that i ever did at a white company
are the abusive toxic blacks in black companies gonna be called out or…?
this fantasy that black folks work better together,
or even look out for each other,
is sorta bullshit.

39 thoughts on “the big unhappy, but we need to stand with each other, family that is the black community

  1. I don’t like the way that man was talking to black women in that video.
    Billy never addresses the racism in the LGBTQ+ community and we all know why.
    I will continue to support the BLM movement because it’s change at the macro level.

  2. i feel like black folks need tremendous amounts of therapy to deal with these issues.
    we have a lot to unpack and now is the time.

  3. I believe in the following: “Our goals can
    only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must
    fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no
    other route to success.”

    I believe: “If you fail to plan, then
    you plan to fail.”

    failing. Therefore, job 1. is to develop a good plan, an excellent
    plan, a brilliant plan to solve the problems and job 2. is to
    implement the plan developed.

    if black people in the United States want to get up from the legacy
    of slavery and Jim Crow, including extra-judicial killings like that
    of George Floyd, Ahmed Aubrey and so many others, then we must make
    and execute a plan to accomplish just that. Nothing else will do!
    Does that make sense to you?

  4. I’ve of come to terms with supporting both gay and black movements, knowing neither will support me 100 percent. Knowing this it always makes me wonder why do I even want 100 percent of eithers support? Honestly five people from each movement is good enough for me. Cause at least those 10 people are supporting me because they actually care and don’t feel obligated too. To be honest I am past the point of educating people that you can be black and gay at the same time. You don’t have to be either or. If some people from either group don’t understand that then to hell with em. I refuse to contort myself for anybody else’s approval/support because all that does is becomes an injustice to the person whose approval I care about the most which is MINE! I feel sometimes the black LGBTQIA community is easily shaken and for good reason but at a certain point we need to come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to understand our plight and that’s okay. We also need to understand that it isn’t our job to teach them either…..

  5. I really don’t know what to feel anymore after reading these comments.

    I am a black man who believes that we as black people can no longer continue to take this fight sitting down its time to fight and to see actual results so of course I believe in BLM.

    But if the movement undermines my existence as a black gay man, if I get almost killed by someone who hates gays, am I not allowed to raise my hand to my own people and say hey fam I’m here too? Are we supposed to keep quiet about our serious REAL issues as well?

    Black lives matter caters to cis gender straight black men, because you will see them attacking and killing trans in a second! They don’t care about us!

    This notion that now is not the right time to bring this up because we are in a battle against the white man is bullshit! We are always and WILL always be in a battle against the white man especially because of black men like Terry Crews.

    So fuck that! Cis gender straight black men are the killers of black trans women in this country, our own people.

    They are literally doing to trans people what white men are doing to them! Yeah yeah go ahead and push history about lynching and the terrors of slavery to support your argument and to say that black people had it harder than gay people! Fuck that! Guess what?? Many of those black people tortured and lynched during those times WERE GAY AND TRANS!!!! 🤷🏾‍♂️

    So all that bullshit some of y’all preached about oh the black community isn’t stopping us from getting a loan, a bag, advancing in life, and bla bla bla! Well black men are killing trans women and covering it up! They are never marching for us gay black men or lesbians EVER but they always want support from everybody.

    Every black life matters! And now has never been a better time to raise our signs amongst theirs so that they know that gays, trans, lesbians and our whole exempt group are a part of black lives matter.

    Let’s kill two birds with two stones shall we? Racism and self hate!

  6. We are all a collection of our experiences which dictate our responses to certain events in our lives. Black is not a choice and neither is being Gay but unfortunately that’s the paradigm in the Black Community. Let’s start there. To answer the question: The reality is the turnout would have been different, yet not less impactful; there would have been more rainbow flags overshadowing the masses of people. The reach would have been just as global I believe because after his body lie lifeless and handcuffed, that POS officer Derek Chauvin continued to press his knee with the entire weight of his body into George’s neck for an additional 2+ minutes. When Humanity is threatened; Hell hath no fury for a society scorned.

  7. The topic is so broad that we must overcome all obstacles within our lives. Society looks at the way we carry ourselves. Regardless, like stated above we are black human beings that gay men who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity!!

    1. Billy spoke nothing but facts, I’m confused on how people are misconstruing his rant. I think in order for racism and homophobia to decrease, we need more people going against the grain, and having a mind of their own. Most of the world is conditioned by society and accustomed to what is considered “normal” even when we’re children, we are exposed to things like blue is for boys, pink is for girls, girls play with barbies, boys play with hot wheels. Boy meets girl, and live happily ever after, the conditioning starts right there. Involuntarily and most of the times voluntarily, heterosexuality and what is expected from heterosexuals, is shoved down our throats from the time we’re born, because it’s normalized. Almost as if any other sexual preference doesn’t exist. And let’s not throw religion in there, as if being different isn’t already complex, now I have to worry about going to hell if I’m gay lol.

      Very very seldom will we see (especially when we all were children) a homosexual relationship on the tv screen especially two men. And when it is seen or discussed, it’s viewed as repulsive. That’s why when people first discover that they may be gay, or identify with anything other than straight, there’s internal conflict within their self. That’s why there’s so much suicide, drug abuse, self hate and mental illness amongst a lot of LGBTQ people. People unfortunately hop on the bandwagon to what society ridicules. There’s tons of racists and homophobes who don’t even know why they’re racist or homophobic, it’s just a behavior they were either taught, or thought was ok because it was a prevalent thing to do bash gays or POC. This is what I mean by having a mind of your own, society is not your bible. Once you reach a certain age it’s your responsibility to do the research of what you don’t understand instead of attacking. The common factor between racist and homophobes is HATE. They are cut from the same cloth. So in my opinion the difference is slight. But a lot of people either don’t have the logic or compassion to having an open mind.

  8. Since the gay black community wants to imagine alternate scenarios, would y’all keep the same energy if a dark skinned, fat, feminine gay man without a college degree was killed? Unlikely. All it would take is racially ambiguous man to come across y’all timeline and it would be out of sight, out of mind for 90% of y’all.

    1. I completely disagree, Jay. Usually, it is the (black) lgbt+ community that are the first and most vocal about the a murder in our community by the police or another citizen. When Edward Buck killed those two black gay men in his home, it was the (black) lgbt+ community that was outside his apartment complex protesting, it was the (black) lgbt+ community’s media that informed many of us about the incidents in the first place, it was the (black) lgbt+ community that created GoFundMe campaigns to help cover the funeral costs.

      What did the “pro-black” talking heads do when they got hold of the stories? Spun narratives of the black man’s effeminization and how we should put up with their bigotry because experience racism from the non-black lgbt+ community.

      The black community (as a whole tbqh) has also been rather quiet about the murder of Tony McDade by police. While there are other factors for this silence, it is the lgbt+ community that is be the most vocal about this incident…not the straight black community. Even the white lgbt+ news sites that have been spreading awareness about Tony’s murder…

      So, keep caping! But understand it will never be reciprocated…

      1. You completely avoided my question.

        None of those men in Ed Bucks apartment were fat, dark skinned to knowledge. I can’t speak on whether they were feminine or not.

        The SJW of the lgbtqia community definitely show up, but that probably comprises 10-15% of the community AT MOST.

        Y’all were more concerned with how attractive that bird watcher was and why he played in snow than anything else. Don’t even get me started on how y’all cape for Jussie despite all signs of clout chasing…now compare that to how y’all dragged Saucy Santana over that club incident.

        I don’t cape for anyone. I’m just on the sidelines looking at the hypocrisy on both sides.

        1. “You completely avoided my question.”

          I didn’t avoid your question. The underlying premise of your post was that the lgbt+ community only rallies behind the death of gay men that are conventionally attractive. And I’m here to say AGAIN that there’s no evidence for such a claim…

          “None of those men in Ed Bucks apartment were fat, dark skinned to knowledge. I can’t speak on whether they were feminine or not.”

          Both Gemmel Moore and Timothy Dean were racially unambiguous, darker-skinned Black-Americans that did not fit the (black) gay community’s standard of beauty. You can do a quick Google search to see what I mean. AND STILL the (black) lgbt+ community did everything I’ve aforementioned…

          “The SJW of the lgbtqia community definitely show up, but that probably comprises 10-15% of the community AT MOST.”

          And that small percentage of the community has gotten us closer and closer toward equality in this country because they showed up while members of the same community sit “on the sidelines.”

          “Y’all were more concerned with how attractive that bird watcher was and why he played in snow than anything else. Don’t even get me started on how y’all cape for Jussie despite all signs of clout chasing…now compare that to how y’all dragged Saucy Santana over that club incident.”

          On Cooper:
          Who the fuck is “y’all”…??? I, personally, could give a good goddamn about Christian Cooper’s education, socioeconomic status, and physique. Or who he supposedly sleeps with. I was concerned about his experience with racism. Like plenty of others in the lgbt+ community.

          On Jussie:
          MISS ME WITH THE BULLSHIT!!! You know damn well the OVERWHELMING majority of the community (regardless of their race) was dragging TF out of Bussie Smollet on this website and SO many others. So, stop!

          On Santana:
          There were plenty of black “SJW” lgbt+ members going to bat for Santana. Here’s an example:


          Good day, Jay!

          1. You looked at those two men with Ed Buck and thought they were dark skinned to you? That says a lot

            They literally look like the typically gay men y’all go up for? Given Timothy Dean is older. That might be why I saw a whole lot more about Gemmel pictures than Timothy.

            When I see y’all go up for DARK SKINNED, Fat people then you MIGHT have the moral high ground.

            If you don’t want to address how desirability politics plays into who’s advocated for and centered we really have nothing else to talk about.

            Just know I’m calling y’all to the mat about it every damn time when y’all are worried about the straights front yard instead of your own.

          2. As for that video, I agree! Love his viewpoints on most things. He’s an anomaly in your community.

            You gonna mention how he is constantly dragged on social media, while the ones y’all find more attractive say trash shit everyday and their followers don’t budge?

  9. I gotta say it’s a little weird to be sitting around thinking of alternate scenarios where people would ignore a murder.

    We are fighting systematic oppression, which in my opinion is different from black people that are homophobic or transphobic. In what ways do cisgender, black heterosexuals oppress gay and trans people? There are LGBTQIA Barbershops and barbers if you feel unwelcome in theirs and there are nondenominational churches if you feel unwelcome in their churches. Are they stopping bags, denying bank loans, determining where you can buy a home, murdering you and not being convicted?

    You can’t protest to make people like you or your sexuality. That’s their problem🤷🏾‍♂️

    Billy felt more comfortable taking black people to task because he shares a bed with white supremacy every night. Like white evangelicals don’t have the political connections to put anti-LGBTQIA laws into place. That’s called punching down.

    1. Hmm. Did you watch the entire video? Billy talked about his experiences as a black man in white America as well. He was more passionate about his experiences as gay man in the black community.

  10. As we begin to celebrate pride month let’s not forget as a race we are Black first.

    I remember being harass for being black before being gay. I remember being watched for stealing in corner stores at nine years old. I remember being pulled over for being in an all white neighborhood. I remember being the only black in etiquette classes at ten years old. I remember being told you are smarter than your peers when in high school. I remember being told that Kareem is my black friend. I remember people telling me you are not like the rest. I remember people saying I will go far as long I stay compliant. I remember staying silent in fear of stepping out or up I can face consequences. I remember a lady coming to my face saying you have more than 15 items and you couldn’t be in this lane. I remember all the micro aggressions and macro aggressions deliver to me all before I hit 33 years old on June 30, 2020.

    However, I remember being called faggot by family members. I remember growing up not being masculine enough and that being feminine was a sin. I remember lying to people saying I’m in a relationship with a female. I remember the disappointment on people faces when I came out the closet. I remember the constant taunts, condescending remarks from high school peers. I remember the disgust just being gay period from the black community.

    As we move forward Black Gay Men we have to realized we are facing three stipulations as we leave our houses everyday. Being Black, Gay and a male. Stay strong! Stay Vigilant! Stay Protected!

    Words from a Black Gay Man!

      1. The issue at hand here is:

        “if it came out that George Floyd was gay,
        had a gay porn past,
        and was at the gay club every weekend faithfully:

        Would the straight black community be marching and protesting for his death?
        would they have burned down whole cities for police brutality?”

        We are all black first blah blah blah, there’s no doubt about that.

        1. I’m certain the turnout would be vastly different.

          But back to wrong is wrong and right is right, I only have full control our myself.

          My action would stand for what is right. Just because the masses aren’t raging doesn’t mean I can’t.

          The BLACK community is wrong for overlooking the deaths of many LGBT people and not fighting for their justice.
          I support that argument.

          I don’t know you personally, but from your “typing”, maybe you’ve had it harder from the BLACK community in regards to your GAY journey. And maybe that has caused you to care less about fighting for the BLACK community when that same community hasn’t fought for your GAY community. I can honestly understand that position.

          For me, as a BLACK GAY MALE, I have to continue fighting for my BLACK community because it’s the foundation. And whether you fight for it or not, if you’re BLACK, you’re affected by the fight struggles and the results of the fight. What we’re fight for during this movement, just like many years ago is for the benefit of all BLACK people, whether you’re GAY, straight or undecided.

          Fighting for the BLACK community doesn’t negate the fight for the GAY community.

          We have to fight together for a collective cause. And also work towards bridging gaps within the different groups among our BLACK community.

          Educate your community. Remind them you were there fighting for OUR collective cause. Then open the door and tell them to pull up for YOUR cause. That’s the ALLY way.

          1. I am both all day every day I’m not choosing no Side there’s racism in the gay community but there’s also homophobia within the black community so I am not stupid you think you’re going to be accepted by the homophobic pro black community Who still see the gay black community as the enemy I heard this from a pro black person can’t be gay and pro black at the same time

  11. Throughout life, unfortunately there is always a spoken/unspoken hierarchy in play amongst various groups.

    Everyone vs Black
    Black vs LGBT
    LGBT Highly Attractive vs LGBT Less Attractive
    LGBT Rich vs LGBT Poor
    LGBT In-Shape Body vs LGBT Out-of-Shape Body
    LGBT Masculine vs LBGT Feminine
    Gays vs Lesbians
    Gays vs Bisexuals
    Gays vs Trans

    I can go on and on…..

    I am BLACK before everything else. And that has nothing to do with choosing a side. It’s just a FACT.

    When I walk through a door into a crowded room: the color of my skin is the first thing people see and know.

    I can walk through that same door in a full rainbow flag attire and while many may assume I’m gay, that’s just their opinion and perception based off my attire. But one thing they will know for a FACT is that I’m BLACK.

    My BLACKNESS enters the room before my name, my character, my morals, my sexuality, my accomplishments, etc.

    I will forever support the fight for BLACK rights and equality against those who feel we don’t deserve it.

    I will also fight for GAY rights and equality against those who feel we don’t deserve it. And sadly some of those people are my fellow BLACK people. But I will press on and do my best to get my BLACK people to understand that the same support they seek and long for is the same thing we need.

    It a crazy world out there but “wrong is wrong even if everyone else is doing it” and “right is right even if you are the only one doing it”.

    I stand for what is right!

    I’m a BLACK GAY MAN! I got people from certain races who would love to call me the N word. I got people from all races who would love to call me the F word.

    I may not be able reach everyone in the world, but I can do my best to reach those in my community and educate them on our struggle and the importance of GAY rights. And hope I’ve penetrated their minds/hearts to stand with us rather than oppress us.

    1. I been said this in Jamari post about a week ago when he did those blm post. Blm only pertains to those killed by another race. This is exactly what Trina said & y’all tried to cancel her. Being gay is a whole mother story. Straight blacks are still mad at Obama cause he signed the law that allowed us gays to get married and I guess he didn’t do anything for the black community so they butt hurt over the legalization of gay marriage.

  12. Honestly, I don’t think there’s a “right” answer to this. There are always going to be men and women who are black before they’re lgbt+ and men and women who are lgbt+ before they are black…then there are people like me who try their damnedest to find that silver lining between a rock (black homophobia) and a hard place (lgbt+ anti-blackness/racism). I swear to a god I don’t believe in that it’s like balancing on a tightrope strung up between the masts of ship caught in troubled waters…with a babe in arm.

    1. @Jumanji No, my brother! NO! There’s no fucking (excuse my French, funny is I actually speak French 😁) “silver lining” in here! Pick a fucking side. You’re either with us or against us. These mfs don’t give a fuck, ZERO FUCK, about people like you and me. Now is not the time to be politically correct.

      Always love your comments by the way.

      1. But, that’s the problem! WE (the black lgbt community) ALWAYS HAVE TO PICK A SIDE!!! You either have to be a Yvette Carnell, Gazi Kodzo, and Seren (Sensai Aishitemasu) or a Billy Porter and RuPaul.

        To hell with all of that! I’m not doing it…as hard as it is. I’m gonna fight for my community, the black lgbt+ community, first!

  13. While I’m certainly not fan of him, I definitely understand what Billy Porter was saying. I knew the second he made the “eerie similarity” comment that many straight black folks were going to get in their feelings.

    Honestly, the video reminds me of a phone conversation I had with my brother not too long ago when he was angered by the black lgbt community making comparisons between homophobia and racism. It when a little something like this:

    My brother: “Why y’all have to be out here making comparisons between people not liking gay people to racism? How are straight black people who don’t agree with your lifestyle the same as white supremacists?”

    Me: “Because y’all use the same oppressive templates that racist white folks use toward us (black people), but instead of filling in the blanks with racial bigotry y’all fill them in with homophobia.”

    My brother: crickets

    Me (deciding to continue): While homophobia and racism are different, they are still forms of oppression…and just because you are oppressed doesn’t mean you cannot oppress others nor does it means your oppressive acts aren’t as bad as a mutual oppressor (there’s not ‘Diet Oppression’ lol). Just because I’m gay and you’re black doesn’t mean we can’t be sexist. You see…???”

    My brother: makes up an excuse to get off the phone due to lack of a rebuttal

    1. @Jumanji

      LMFAO @“Diet Oppression” 😂

      and btw, if you want more proof of how insensitive the Black Christian Church is towards the LGBT, they invited homophobic Kim Burrell to sing at the funeral today.

  14. It’s about to be a firestorm in here lol

    I’ll just sit back and read the comments of those who will perform the mental gymnastics of making excuses for the homophobic straight black people within our communities. These woke gays will tell you “my Blackness comes before my sexuality.” Well that’s fine, but just realize you’re living a dual life when you tell your “gay self” to stay home for a few hours while your “black self” go out to a Black Lives Matter rally at the community center in the hood.

    1. To use @BlackPegasus words, it’s about to be a firestorm in here, and I’m here for it.

      Just waiting for that first “woke black gay” trying to defend these heterosexuals who clearly wouldn’t piss on any of yall if your ass was on fire.

      I usually lurk, but I happen to have plenty of time today, so wassup!

Comments are closed.