said it just like that too.
uh huh.
i ain’t playin’…
Continue reading “The Follow Up To The Follow Up” →

THANK YOU…
Continue reading “THANK YOU.” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

I’ve been a fan of your website for a couple years and while I never comment (something I’ll fix in 2014), I have to say thank you to you at the top of the year.

Thank you for being open and honest about your struggles, hopes and dreams at all times. It takes an incredibly honest people to be an open book with complete strangers.

Through your stories as well as the stories of the people who follow your site, I’ve truly realized how complex the LGBT experience is. As a closeted male, I’ve spent 23 years of my life essentially turning an entire side of me “off”. I’m ashamed to say I’ve never been in a relationship, never had a meaningful kiss and I’m not happy because of these issues.

If you asked me a year ago, I planned on living in the closet for an eternity – I didn’t aspire for a relationship for fear of having to admit my truth.  I used to tell myself “You can’t miss what you don’t have”. I focused on my education (applying to Master’s programs at the moment), my family, my friends, ect. to fill the void that an intimate relationship would bring.

If you asked me NOW? I’m over it. I can’t change who I am, and while I’m not gonna make an announcement on my social networks or anything…I’m done lying to myself. It’s easy to lie to yourself, but believing it is another story. How can I trust others if I can’t trust myself with MY truth.

Again, the LGBT experience is so complex – in fear of losing the support of my friends or family, I’ve kept who I am repressed and I’m tired. I’m finally tired. I’m glad that I’m tired.

It won’t be overnight, but I plan on slowly being open and honest about who I am to the people that I love and the people that matter. I’ve watched a lot of my friends find their happiness being WHO THEY ARE and I’m not going to deny myself the same opportunity for an eternity. If my sexuality will make people forget that I’m a great son, brother, cousin, friend, acquaintance, ect…it’ll hurt but I’ll be okay in the long run. My family will probably come AFTER my friends. That’s a test within itself.

I can’t get back the time that I’ve wasted lying to myself but I can look forward to the time that I have to live in my truth.

Thank you and your readers for continually inspiring lurkers like myself who are seeking an outlet of expressing a side of themselves that they repress. Your honesty is going to inspire someone. No lie, this place has been a refuge for me in times where I wanted to cry for not being honest with myself. In 2014, better days will come. Stay blessed!

Signed,
I Just Wanna Be Happy

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Thank You For Being You!” →

i’m sitting here thinking about you.
yeah.
you…

Continue reading “Written With YOU In Mind.” →

this is for those who have supported,
prayed,
and who stayed by my side during this tough year 1/2.
the emails.
the f-bi.
the vixens who leave me stuff to post that i miss.
just everything.
even the ones who left and didn’t say goodbye.
it has been a wild journey,
but i’m starting to see the light peaking through the trees in this once dark valley.
so early this morning my friend called and asked if i wanted to come in today.
she may have some stuff coming up so she wanted me in the system asap.
i jumped up and just finished up my resume.
i already dressed and about to walk out the door,
but something told me to post this before i left.
i couldn’t have gotten through all this darkness without everyone who held my hand.
you don’t understand how much it has meant to me.
#thecomeback is moving full steam ahead.
again thank you for all the continuous support.
who knew my little blog would go this far?
sheesh.

lowkey: i may go see baggage claim after.
to treat myself.
in between blessings right now,
but i’ll see and have a review.
i’ll try to tweet the on goings on the day.

we’ve been talking about so much bad stuff this week,
it has left me feeling empty.
we needed a refill on something positive.
i don’t know if you guys do this already,
but i do and it has provided nothing but blessings in my life.
sure i’m not living in my brownstone
or kerry rhodes isn’t in my kitchen cooking breakfast,
but i am beyond thankful for what i do have right now.
something told me to share it with everyone this morning…

Continue reading “5 Miles Til Blessings” →