“The worst they can do is tell you no.” – Karaoke said to me the other day

the word “no” is scary.
we think we are good enough and end up getting rejected.
we end up being scorned and don’t want to try for anything anymore.
karaoke and i were talking about approaching things boldly and asking for what we want.
i use to be so scared of rejection because of my past trauma due to rejection.
it all came from a fear of being judged and wanting to control things tbh.
so i’d wait for someone to say “yes” while wasting my time deciphering signs and games.
i’ve learned the hard way that:

“Mixed signals or hesitation means no.”

i was watching something with law roach the other day.
he is the vision behind many of zenadaya’s looks.
law is dope and i fux with him so far.
during this podcast discussion with “the cutting room floor”,
he spoke about all the big brands who told him “no” for zendaya to wear their clothes.
this is what he said that gave me my oprah “a-ha” moment…

i don’t know about you,
or if i’m really late,
but i’ve noticed something within the black community.

Being harsh is the go-to method in trying to help “us”.

 disrespecting others in the community is what helps us learn the lesson.
that or bringing them down a notch if they want to do or be bigger.
have to whether we are straight,
gay,
trans,
vixen,
or male,
it seems like this attitude of “ruin them will help them“.
its often disguised as:

“You need to hear the truth”
“I had to hurt your little feelings for you to get it.”

…but it’s a vulgar and dehumanizing way to do things.
it makes you wanna give up and fling yourself off a balcony.
it’s my turn to give the harsh truth then…

Continue reading “is being harsh the only language black folks understand?” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

Long time fan and reader here. This past weekend I’ve ran into an issue and I wanted to get your advice on it. So for pretty much my whole high school career I’ve had the BIGGEST crush on one of my friends. Just hanging out with him after school would make my day ten times better but I was always hurt because I knew I was wasting my time because he wasn’t gay so I just took it on the chin and tried to move on. This past weekend, some odd years after high school, this nigga decides to come out to me and introduce me to his boyfriend. To see I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. Now, all the emotions I had suppressed for years came back and I’ve been in my feelings these past couple days. I’m genuinely happy that he’s happy now but ain’t the same time, I’m sad that it’s not with me (I know this sounds selfish but that’s honestly how I feel). I need your advice as to how to move on with the friendship.

Should I just play everything off and deal with it?

Should i tell him and let that play out?

Or should I just stop talking to him?

You’re the only one I feel like I can talk to about this.Thank you for your time and I’d appreciate any feedback!

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “foxmail: my “straight” crush turned out to be gay, but he has a boyfriend other than me! help!” →

all the baller,
celebs,
rapper,
actor,
and singing wolves are down in atl for the super bowl this year.
the same one many claim they were protesting.
mmhmm.
which means for those living down there,
or in the city for the weekend,
they’re probably in for a treat and some meat (if you’re lucky).
in a city like atlanta,
where hooking up with the good gays is top tier,
you might just end up being on top (or the bottom) of a good situation.
here are a few tips for scoring a winning touchdown…

Continue reading “want some baller meat this super bowl weekend? (let’s talk how to get some)” →

FOXMAIL

Hey, Jamari

I first want to start off by thanking you for this site!! Ever since I was 19 this has really been one of my favorite places to visit on the internet, you’re kind of like my big brother Fox in my head lol.
Okay, so here’s my issue, I’m now 25 (soon to be 26) and feel as if I have let my life pass me by. I’m a Discreet (more so DL) Fox that is originally from the Concrete Forest. After battling a crippling depression spiral for the past seven years that basically made my life revolve around going to work and going home, not really doing much besides hanging out with a few vixens that happen to be like family to me. I recently moved to the Southern Forest with this idea in my head that I was going to start building my life to take back what I didn’t get to have in my youth. But now that I’m here in this new forest I am realizing that I have no idea what I’m doing!! Part of the issue is that the career I’m pursuing in entertainment is finally making some headway and I don’t feel comfortable putting up pics on apps and the many wolves that I do catch staring, I always think that they may be out and so I talk myself out of risking it. On top of all that I have been saving my “first time” for that special wolf. & As I’m sure you can imagine this has led to me not having many intimate experiences (Kind of Embarrassing lol)…

What I really want to know is…

Is it still possible to meet a wolf in real life, without apps and online dating? Did I miss my window in my younger days to find puppy love with my Wolf in Shining Fur and instead should I just focus on having a good time for the rest of my 20’s? & If I do meet him will my lack of experience scare him off?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: did i miss the boat on finding love in the life?” →

i love jamie lee curtis.
one of my favorite movies of hers that i own is “true lies”.
i saw that movie as a cub and fell in love with her character.
she’s also an iconic scream queen as laurie strode in “halloween”,
one of my favorite slasher flicks.
well i read an interesting article with her today.
she had some advice for how she’s had a long marriage.
this is what she had to say via “good house keeping”…

Continue reading “does dating your opposite really work?” →