“a ha” moments sometimes come at interesting times.
it could be on the train,
at your cubicle at work,
or even as you sit on the toilet.
once you have one,
it can pretty much change the dynamic of your life.
well i had one last night with work wolf.
this may change everything…
so after work,
i met work wolf outside the building to go to a bar.
he didn’t care where he went,
as long as we went somewhere.
i went on “yelp” and found a nice spot down in the lower east side.
it wasn’t that far from where we were.
we hopped on that train and was there in like 5 minutes.
as we had a few drinks at the bar,
i told him i never tried a hookah.
“you never???”
“nope.”
“well lets get one.”
he asked the bartender to get a hookah,
mint flavor,
and then went over to a private area in the corner.
“now all you have to do is suck on it and blow it out.”
“oh is that all?”
“yup.”
it was like smoking weed but with a lot of smoke.
between the drinks and that,
i felt extremely mellow.
so did he.
perfect time to pick his brain.
the conversation we had following was pretty deep.
we talked about our pasts,
our families,
and things that have shaped us into who we are.
he said he thinks new vixen is a potential stalker,
liar liar is doing her usual shit,
and that he is about to dump some vixen because:
“all she want to do is have sex”
straight wolf problems?
he told he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life.
when i came into his world,
i started to encourage him to want to do more.
he never had someone in my life like me before.
someone who gives a shit about him.
i learned a lot about him.
he told me things that i didn’t think he would share.
i thanked him for not judging me based on my sexuality.
he said that isn’t the type of person he is.
i came to the conclusion that i would never date him.
he does things that i can see would hurt me in the future.
he admitted:
he has cheated on everyone he has dated
he isn’t a good cheater
he has a “hoe” problem
he caught crabs being a cheater with a hoe
not to mention:
he doesn’t trust vixens
he never been with a vixen for more than 6 months
he gets bored with them after they start dating
this is definitely not the “wolf of my dreams”.
he isn’t aggressive and i’m sorry,
but i want my wolf to be all over me.
i want his presence to be present in my life.
not this:
he reminds me of ^this song.
i appreciate work wolf’s friendship.
he has done things for me no straight wolf has ever done.
i won’t lie and say that i’m not extremely sexually attracted to him.
i feel thats where it stops tho.
i had to realize that lets say he does get down…
Do i really want to ruin a friendship sleeping with him?
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the answer is “no”.
after we left that spot,
we searched for someplace to eat.
as we walked,
he was so close to me.
his shoulders were touching mine again.
it was like he was purposely trying to make that happen.
for once,
i didn’t get hard.
good sign.
we went to a diner and got something to eat.
separate checks.
he paid for the hookah and drinks.
i was just happy to be out in the new yawk air.
summer in the city is always an event.
funny thing is,
he never been in the areas i take him.
i am introducing him to a whole new world.
my world.
he is absolutely fascinated.
its cute.
thats what happens when you take a wolf out the hood.
he wants to hang out again next week.
i’m down.
i can see this friendship blossoming into so much more.
strictly platonic.
low-key: i’m buying a hookah.
i liked that shit.
as soon as i get some extra money.
Sounds like a hot dude, but lacking in substance. Fuckable but can’t really take him too serious yknow?
Glad you had a good time jamari, keep in the friend book for now. I’m glad you can be at this stage, just being his friend without worrying about all the “signs” and stuff. You can just be free with it! 🙂
I’m glad you’re sorting out the things you want to put up with and don’t. I think I stated before that my friend is the exact way. All he has ever known is the hood so when we hang I’m always taking him to these new and exciting places that I go to. I can remember the first time I took him to urban outfitters, he was like a big kid in a candy store.
P.S. I really smoking hookah for some reason, I wonder how much the big ones would be?
Sounds like y’all had fun, just be his friend and leave it at that.
Good for you, Jamari! Taking back your POWER!
I was in the same predicament as you. Some DL guy who I’ve been really good friends with for a while has been hitting on me since we first met. I always rejected his advances because I wasn’t attracted to him. However recently I’ve been catching feelings but I didn’t tell him because I know that will tempt him to continue seducing me even more. And I’m the type to usually only sleep with someone if I really like them (unless you’re REALLY fine to the point of being irresistible lol).
But I know if I sleep with him my feelings would grow stronger while he’ll be happy because he finally got what he wanted (just sex). I won’t mess with him because he’s so ashamed of who he is, he said he’ll never have a relationship with a dude because he has 4 kids and he’ll never come out. I like working on accepting myself & living my truth, I refuse to mess with somebody who I like KNOWING that they’ll never give me what I truly want (a stable relationship) because they’ve got so much baggage themselves.
Moral of the story: If you want a relationship with somebody who is clearly only around you to bust their next nut; DON’T SLEEP WITH THEM! You’ll only get hurt in the end while they’ll be satisfied after sexing you.
^110%
sometimes the connection is that they haven’t slept with you.
it forces the person and you to try that “friendship” thing.
even tho the “resist temptation” situations you both get into are rather hot.
with work wolf,
I see that once he gets the pussy,
he gets bored and moves on.
imagine what would happen if he got down?
I don’t want to find out so I’ll leave it how it is.
Well man I must say I’m very excited to see that you got the a-ha moment and I’m sure you feel like a weight has been lifted of your shoulders and now you can focus on your intended reason for being in his life because he really needs an ally and think he has found that in you and that’s awesome, but jamari I’m going say this too now that you have more of an insight into his mentality you be careful with him because he comes off as a master manipulator and he doesn’t have a lotta friends for a reason and that’s far as i’ma go but you handled yourself beautifully through out this whole situation.
^thanka kelly.
im watching myself as this goes.
And Jamari you forgot to mention one thing:
He’s STRAIGHT!!!!
I’m glad you got over that phase now and just focused on the friendship, but do I believe you won’t have sex with him? No, not really. I do believe there is going to be a moment of temptation and seduction, but as long there is an agreement that is was a one time thing of curiosity and never to be spoken again in the name of friendship.
Glad you’ve decided to see him more as a friend. Red flags are something that can’t be ignored. Hate to say it but we’ve heard this before, the red flags. I can’t talk i’ve been there. I get caught up in the person and forget about their flaws until they remind me… over and over. There’s nothing wrong with that since everyone gets caught up sometimes. Some people are better as friends than boyfriends/girlfriends and vice versa.
^completely agree.
he is not ready to date anyone.
i feel like he has a lot to work out.
he is loyal to me as a friend tho.
he always says i’m his only friend and i’m def gonna keep it like that.
I think one of the reasons you were attracted to him was because he was a mystery.Now that you know who he really is,the attraction has waned a little.The most important thing is you have a new friend who appears to be loyal to you.
I am curious why he hates women so much.When you consider every woman to be a hoe.When you cheat on every women.When you don’t respect any woman.I wondering if it stems from his relationship with his mother or was he cheated on by a woman who he loved and now he no longer trusts any woman.
When you get a chance ask him if has ever been in love and if so what happened.I am very curious.
^yeah he kept his life very mysterious from me.
now that ive gotten him to open up,
he doesn’t seem like he would be the perfect match for me.
i’m going to ask him yc.
i’m curious myself.
these vixens come in his life,
its the honeymoon phase,
and then he is over it.
like i told him,
he seems more comfortable with hoes for whatever reason.
liar liar being the biggest one.
I’m happy for you besides you need a man who’s going to show you much affection not this sometimey stuff. And You had your epiphany good for you
^thanks malcolm.
lowkey: i’m kinda turned off.
not all the way,
but i’m headed there.
thank god for that.
now i can get back to focus.
I love how your relationship is evolving with work wolf. I’m also happy that you cam see that its not worth ruining your friendship for someone who isnt really relationship material. Enjoy the being his friend, because they are so hard to find.
^yeah.
i knew something shifted in me when i didn’t feel as concerned with the vixens.
i started seeing him for who he is.
i’m glad it didn’t take years to get to this point.